Monday, December 26, 2011

Sleeping with the Enemy

Hahaha! I thought that would be a clever title for this post. FINALLY, D has slept with us in bed!! Yes, after two years and ten months (well, not counting those weeks when she first came home and slept on me..) she finally slept with us!! I LOVED IT!! It was so sweet to have her sleeping between us. Her sweet little head nestled against my head. Then, when she switched positions, she held onto my hand as she slept. So dreaaamy.
I have always been very jealous of my friends who had early risers, but could pull the little tyke into their beds to gain maybe another hour of sleep. D would never do that. When she woke, she was awake. Don't try to stick her into our bed. She would have none of that. Everybody get up...
But last night, she was sick. She woke up at 4am saying she wanted out of her travel crib (she had been sleeping in her travel crib in our room so her cousins could stay in her room). So, I just unzipped her crib and left her to her own devices. Didn't care what she was going to do with herself because as far as I was concerned, she needed to be sleeping but to leave her in her crib zipped up would've meant her crying at the top of her lungs.
Lo and behold, I don't know what she was doing when she came out of her crib, but shortly thereafter, she crawled up into our bed and slept right by our heads. We got to sleep in until 7:30am!!! That was a blessing!! Hallelujah!! That was my xmas present. :oD

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Looking at you, looking at me

Oh, dear D....sometimes I look at you and the things that I can't stand about you...are from me.
Like, I hate that you get up SO EARLY in the morning!! Last weekend, I had posted on FB that I was up at 7am (before even), sitting on the couch reading a magazine and drinking tea. Bliss. But how did that come about?? Because you were not home! You were at Auntie A's for a sleepover.
I love waking up early...around 7 is good for me but I'll do 6:30. But you..YOU..insist on getting up around 6am (your clock is set for 6:15 which I have now changed to 6:30) but you rarely now stay in bed until then. Actually, lately you have been getting up around 5:45 and I want to D-I-E...
But I was always an early riser, still am but you beat me to it...I hate it.
And, I really don't like that you have such a terrible temper. Well, and I know you get that from me too because your father does not have a temper. Blah.
Sometimes I want to shake you and say, "Why can't you be more like your father??!!!"

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Acknowledging good behavior

We all know that we should be acknowledging good behavior right? As a reinforcer. I do that all the time when D shares her toys or if she says thank you and please.
But last night, D pointed out quite a few times that she was sitting nicely in her chair and not moving around.
See for the past few days, she had been acting so antsy and not wanting to sit in her chair and eat a proper breakfast/lunch/dinner whatever. She would move about, chew her food slowly. Aaargh! Basically, annoying me.
One morning I was really mad that she would not finish her breakfast. Later in the day, I got to thinking and really tried to re-adjust my attitude! Who cares if she doesn't finish her breakfast, maybe she wasn't hungry.
So my new tactic is to not force her to eat but make it a point to just say, "Are you full? You are done with dinner?" And if she nods, then fine. She's done. "You may leave the table." I was thinking that maybe she doesn't quite understand how to convey the fact that she just may be full and does not want to eat.
But interestingly enough, last night she was really being a good girl and sat and ate her dinner without jumping on and off her chair and she made it a point to tell me, "Am I sitting in my chair and not moving, mama?"
And I replied, "Yes!! You are! You are being so good!!!"
I think I read somewhere that we aren't supposed to relegate kids to good girl, bad girl references. Punish the deed, not the person? Or something? But obviously that part didn't stick with me because I can't, for the life of me, recall how you are supposed to reference good/bad deeds without saying, "Good girl or bad girl"....must be because I am a dog person at heart.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Ahh, peaceful bliss

Can you guess what's going on over here? D is away for the evening! Whoopeee!!!
Y'know, I was at my friend's house earlier this evening and her mother asked, "So, are you gonna miss D tonight?
You KNOW my reply, "No." Not one bit. I don't have co-dependency with my daughter. I don't have to be with her 24/7. It doesn't mean I don't love her. It just means that I appreciate my own space.
And, as I've posted before, being a mother to me is like looking in the mirror, being not quite satisfied with what I see and working hard to be better. Soooo, naturally I appreciate a breather once in a while! I know she is a great girl when she is around others. She is a doll and so well-behaved so I don't have to worry about what she's getting into. I also know that my sister ADORES D so I don't have to worry about her well-being. It would be sad if I didn't allow D to spend the night at her cousin's! She loooves H.
Everybody has to grow up sometime. And the fact that D just looked at me and said, "Buh-bye" this afternoon when I warned her that I was not going with her to Auntie A's reassured me that she wanted to be with A and H. :oD Whoohooo! Whooohoo!! More, please.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

When they can talk

I was REALLLLY PISSED at D this morning. Her cousins are in town (2.5 yrs and 5 yrs) and they are sleeping in her room so she is in her travel crib in our room. She woke up at 3:30am to go to the bathroom...and then I think since her father kept snoring and that is an unfamiliar sound to her at night, I'm not really sure whether or not she ever fell back asleep but at 4:30am she was ready to get up. And she was going to be really vocal about it.
Mind you, my sister in law and fam didn't get in until after 12am last night and I didn't get to bed until about 1. She finally quiets down and sits in her crib for the next half hour but who's sleeping? Really.
By 5am she wants out of the crib so she is on our bed (which I've said before, she never sleeps in) roaming around, crawling all over me...then she goes down to floor to mess around where she ends up bumping her nose on something and then crying...very loudly.
I've had enough so I pick her up and throw her in the car as my intention was to take her to my mom's house (where no one is at the moment) and just let her do whatever, be as loud as she wants and I would try to snooze a little too.
On our way up the hill to my mom's the sun is starting to come up and it's cast a pretty pink glow over the mountains. D knows that I am pissed...but from behind me I hear:
"Oh, look at how beautiful the mountains are mama. Do you see? Isn't it beautiful? Is that pink?"
How could I resist not answering her? Of course I agree and point out to her the equally beautiful sliver of the moon that is still lingering in the pink and grey of early morning.
Then silence. As of course, I am still miffed. But, ooh, how that tugged at my heartstrings.

Monday, November 21, 2011

American Idol? Maybe not

The other morning I was singing "It's a small world" to D on our walk. We had just gone to Disneyland and she was talking about that ride. She asks me, "Mama, why are you singing that?"
I reply, "Because it's a good song." And I continue to sing.
And D interrupts me with, "Mama! Mama! Stop singing. You're hurting my ears."

Saturday, November 19, 2011

"I don't like being a mom"

Uhhh, I made that statement the other day to my hairdresser. She was pretty appalled. I mean, I am just a straight up honest person and I "tell it as it is."
And I guess she kind of made me realize that maybe that's not the best thing to say.
We were talking about babies and the possibility of having another one and I had said we were trying but a small part of me wonders if maybe sub-consciously I'm not getting pregs because I really didn't like the baby stage.
So, she had said, "Okay, well you should just say you don't like the baby stage. You probably shouldn't be saying out loud that you don't like being a mom."
Well, I guess she is right. I mean, I certainly don't say things like that in front of D. I would never do that!
But what I really mean when I make that statement is just that being a mother is one of the toughest jobs I've ever really encountered and it's one that I can't walk away from. Y'know what I mean? Like, usually in life, if you don't like your job, quit and get a new one.
Not the job of mother. You're stuck with it. Well it's not so much that. Not only are you stuck with that job for life but it's the job where you can't just coast...or check out, if you will. You work at it and you work at it hard every single day.
And I have always been that sort of person that if this relationship isn't going well and we aren't communicating that well, I'll just walk. I don't need to work so hard to keep a tough friendship going. Welllll...not so much with baby. She's a baby. She's learning the ropes, learning how to exercise her opinions, her independence and I have to work hard at not wanting to scream my head off at her sometimes. And it's a constant battle to keep my patience about me and oftentimes, I just lose. G is always reminding me that I shouldn't scream at her so much and while I understand that, I also want him to understand that, for me, just screaming at her maybe twice a day is a HUGE accomplishment on my part. And he does understand. Phew.
But still I feel good if I've gotten through a day without a temper eruption. Wait, has that ever happened?

Doling out advice

I am just not one that should be doling out advice...I just don't have the answers to this parenting thing. However, recently, my sister has been punishing her daughter by not letting her spend time with D! I just don't think that is proper procedure for disciplining a child.
First of all, it is a total let-down for US...and D..and really, it's just not right to keep cousins from seeing each other.
Today was the second time A has called me up to say, "Sorry, we can't make it out today because H has chosen to be disrespectful all morning even though she knew if she was going to continue to be disrespectful, I was not going to take her out to see D." I, of course, was annoyed and her response was, "Sorry, but seeing D is the only thing that H really cares about so...too bad."
Ummm...okay. Correct me if I'm wrong here but that just does not seem right. It does not seem like it would accomplish much and mind you, H is VERY strong-willed. The girl gets so much "held over her head" that she pretty much doesn't care about anything that much. Candy? Ice cream? Oh, she will look straight at a bowl of ice cream and say she doesn't want it if she thinks you're going to use it as a bargaining piece.
So, knowing your daughter has that kind of personality, wouldn't you try to stray away from holding "seeing her cousin" over her head as reward? Seems a lose-lose situation for everyone.

AND by the way, since I am sitting here analyzing my sister and her parenting habits, my BIL just told me that these days when they ask H to do anything, she bargains. She will say, "Okay, but then I get to do this." As in:

Request: "H, can you go into my office and turn off the light?"
H: "Okay, but if I do it then I get to play my DS for 30 more minutes."

Apparently, she bargains every time they ask her to do anything.

It will be a few years before D gets to that point, but I am starting now to figure out how NOT to have that kind of communication go on in this house.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


This evening D was just so snuggly. This is a rare occurrence. Well, I'm usually very "run, run, run. Let's go do stuff. Gotta do this while we are doing that." Sure, I spend time with her sometimes but my mind just keeps thinking of other things I could be doing at the same time. Tragic, I know but that's just how I operate!!
Anyhow, we had M and JB over last night. They spent the night so D spent time playing with JB all night. Then this morning, we rushed off to Playschool and then after school we headed up to Obachon's house to have lunch with M and JB and Obachon. On the way home, D fell asleep.
When she woke up, it was 5pm. As usual, she wanted to have a "tea party" in her room so we did. Then I convinced her to go to the kitchen so we can make some fresh squeezed orange juice. Then I made dinner. While I was making dinner, she was asking me to read to her or draw with her so I did a bit of that while cooking. Then we ate dinner and after dinner we drew a little bit more but then she crawled into my arms and asked me to take her to her room.
I carried her in to her room and then she just snuggled in my arms. We were having a conversation here and there but then there would be times where we would just be quiet and she would just sit there content in my arms.
It was the craziest thing. Very, very sweet. My only thought is that she just needed some Mommy and D downtime after all that time spent with everyone else. Why do I think that? Because once (at band camp...ha) when we were in SF with G's sister and D's cousins, at the end of an evening, D just wanted to be with me. And G had said, "Mama, come up here. D just needs to spend some down time with you." Normally, he's the one that reads her her bedtime story...but out in SF, she didn't want that. She just wanted to be with me at the end of the day.
Isn't that crazy that G was so intuitive? He just loves D so...
I should really spend more alone time with her. I mean, I've always just considered having her on my hip 24/7 as "being with her" but it's not really. She wants and probably needs focused time. I will try to be more cognizant of that.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Gosh, go take a nap or something!

Take a nap! go play in your room! Do something other than bother me while I am trying to sweep the floors. I'm sweeping the floors today and D wants to help. (Aww, how sweet some people might say. Yeah, not so much I say.) She wants to help by holding onto my broom while I sweep. Veerrrry time consuming. Then I say, "D, this is not very effective. Why don't you go sit over there while Mommy sweeps." Then Daddy gets a great idea, "D, why don't you go get the dustpan and help mommy when she's ready to sweep the dust into the dustpan!" Great idea.
Annd, again (great idea in theory. Not so much in execution). She is holding the dustpan a few inches above the sand and dirt so nothing gets into the dustpan.
So, mommy says, "D, thanks so much for wanting to help! But now I think you are too close to the floor. I don't want all the dust to fly into your face and into your eyes..."
Daddy comes to try and help her hold the dustpan.
Aargh!! Can she just go take a nap or something??
Then in trying to be in the spirit of her being helpful I say, "Hey D! I have a better idea. Why don't you get the duster and sweep over the floor that mom has already swept! It will help me pick up the dust that I missed with the broom."
She seems to be a bit bored with this task and instead is waving the duster above her head, poking the television with the handle to which daddy is reproving her.
Then she is dusting the piles that I've created with my broom...essentially undoing what I have done (which, by the way, she does quite often - like when I am folding laundry and she comes by and pulls them all down onto the floor. Some people might just smile at that, but I frown upon that. Don't make me do extra work!) Aaack!! Toddlers...Bah!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Now...wait a minute here.

I'm sitting here doing my laundry and thinking over how a half-a**ed attempt at parenting in a more communicative way/non-violent communication whatever is probably not the best thing. Having not once read a book on parenting or any of these things (how to raise a confident child, etc) I'm kind of just "winging it" which in the end probably is not helping her or myself. We are really just not getting anywhere.
And, now that I think about it don't kids just ultimately grow up and gain confidence?? I mean as long as I am not running around all day telling her how stupid she is or laughing at any attempts she makes at accomplishing long as I am not beating her at all she should be fine. As long as G and I are confident people then ultimately, she should grow up to be a confident individual as well.
I mean, come ON people. She is just two years old, going on three. Can she really make sense of what is going on in her head psychologically? Or can we for that matter? Like why does D always balk at doing the soccer exercises at her class? Why does she always cling to me?? But she says she likes soccer and she kind of likes the idea of going. Yet, when she is there and all the other kids are running around and doing what the teacher says, D does not want to do it. She would rather pull me into a corner so just she and I are doing something. WHAA?? Yeah, or while everyone else is running from side to side she wants her dad to carry her. What's a parent to do?? I mean, I am driving myself crazy over here trying to figure out how to communicate to her that this is soccer. This is supposed to be fun. Do you want to go home then?? Which of course her answer would be yes. But we have paid for these classes and I'll be darned if I just let her go home.
This is not a game. In the end, soccer is a game for her and her dad to enjoy together. Apparently, she always takes about half an hour to get warmed up (the class is only 50 minutes). Whatever, we just let her take her time. She's fine with sort of participating if I'm not around. If I'm around, she's asking for snackies.
Is there something on my face that says, "Hi! Ask me for snacks." Because truly, whenever my friends are around me, we also seem to eat a lot. So, now it's become see Mommy = snacks.
But I digress.
To my point, I feel like I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out this communication thing when at the end of the day I think we'd all be better off if I just communicate however I feel like communicating if that means ordering her to clean her room then so be it. When she turns 7, 8, 9 and is able to comprehend life and how it works, she will realize that I am not making her clean her room for my own benefit or even if it IS for my own benefit, she and everyone else who comes by benefits as well. And when she reaches her late 20's and is off on her own she'll then start to appreciate the "cleanliness" habits I've instilled in her because less clutter in her life is good. I've never been one to be hippy, dippy skippy so I really shouldn't try now. Can't teach THIS old dog new tricks. Not that there is anything wrong with hippy dippy. To each his own I say....

Friday, November 4, 2011

Oh this how it is going to be?

Oh, D is a clever little girl...yesterday I wanted her to clean her room. Of course, still practicing that "conversation" parenting as opposed to blatantly ordering her to clean her room. "Make it her decision, not her actions as a result of just trying to do your bidding." That sort of thing. Right.
So, I'm asking her nicely. She is refusing. So, we move on.
We are now in my room and she's left a wooden doll, Jessica, in my room so I am asking her, "D, can you pick up Jessica and put her back in your room at least?"
The doll is sitting on the floor. Nothing else around it, clearly visible.
And D is saying to me, "Where? Where is she?" She walks over toward my desk (away from the doll) saying, "Is she over here?
Me: "Nooo, she is right there. On the floor."
D: "Where, mama? Over here?" as she walks over to the closet...right near the doll but clearly not looking down.
Funny? Yes, maybe now but more infuriating at the time so I responded, "Oh, you're going to play like that? If you're going to ignore me, I will ignore you too. Two can play at this game!"
D is perfectly content with herself. As I storm off into the kitchen, she follows and then plops herself onto the couch with a book and just entertains herself. Perfectly happy that she pissed me off AND didn't have to pick up one single toy. Grrrrr...

Can it be...say it isn't so

This is now day 2 of Ds non-napping. Yes, two entire looooong days. She didn't nap yesterday and seemed perfectly fine. Wasn't grumpy, wasn't whiny. Again today no nap and she was fine. We put her to bed by 7pm. This morning she woke up at 6:30 but I think it was just because she had to pee. Hopefully, she will not wake up so early tomorrow. Heheh. Who am I kidding?

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

You are not the boss of me

I think that is what D is trying to declare, but of course, I counter with, "Oooh, but I am...."
She likes to object to what I want her to do like...brush your teeth. "No."
"If you don't brush your teeth, then I won't carry you."
"Fine." And I walk away. And then D hurries to say, "I'm gonna brush my teeth! I'm gonna brush my teeth!"
Me: "Too late. Now I don't care and I'm still not carrying you."
Which results in a lot of crying...and I don't care.
Is that mean of me? Yes. I think it is and I don't think it's the right way to go about it. But I'm too immature to respond in the positive, correct way. I just don't know.

Today was interesting though. I think I've mentioned before that D does not take naps willingly. We can only get her to nap if we drive her around in a car. So, today I tried to get her to take a nap asking if she'd do so if I napped with her in her room. (I was pretty sure that was not going to work but y'never know. Sometimes kids surprise you.) Negative. It didn't work.
So, she's playing in my room. I'm telling her to get out of my room because if she doesn't want to nap, well she can't play in my room. She still needs to be in her room. Her response, No!
She says, "Carry?" Which is her way of asking me to pick her up.
Me:"No, I will not carry you. I would like you to take a nap and since you won't, I won't carry you."
D starts to cry, "But I want you to! I want you to carry me!"
Me: "No. If I carry you, will you take a nap?"
D: "No!"
Me: "Then I will not carry you."
This goes on for the next two minutes with her crying too.
Then I turn to leave the room and she cries, "Don't walk away from me!"
That was really too cute. So of course I turn around and pick her up and tell her she is ridiculous.
I guess she wins (cuz I picked her up)
But then I drove her around and she fell asleep. If I can JUST figure out how to get her to take a nap willingly!! I would save a lot of gas.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Today D told me a story:

Once, there was a little girl who wanted to go outside.
So, she walked down the stairs and went outside and saw a waterfall
And then she walked around it and when she did she went home and had dinner
That's the end!

Then she told another story:

Once, there was a little boy with a kitty named Go-kah.
They decided to go for a walk outside
So, they walked down to the pond. The kitty was thirsty so she took a drink of water.
Then they walked home and the boy drank some water.
Then he ate dinner and the kitty drank water.
The end.

Friday, October 14, 2011

The best of both worlds

Recently I had the opportunity to seriously consider a full time job. Oh the possibility sounded luscious! What?! GO TO WORK?? Sit at a computer all day, hanging out with adults having adult conversations about the state of the world today (or maybe just the state of fashion today). Oh that would be dreamy.
However, as I am in the back seat with D rambling on about how "this job starts part time at first with option of full time or could possibly just start full time...I had said that with full time I would want flex time - maybe in the office three days a week and out two days..." And here is D next to me chiming in, "nooo, I don't want you to."
At the time I kind of ignored that she even spoke but in my mind I had thought, "Did she just say that? Did she really understand what I was just rambling about?? Could that be?"
And then a little bit of me felt a tinge of guilt. Because it's true. If I go back to an actual office then I truly would not see her all day and maybe just see her at night for dinner and bed. I guess that is kind of sad...for her part.
So, as I sit here contemplating this new job opp I am thinking I want my cake and I want to eat it to. Maybe though I've been moaning that I've wanted to break loose and get a job maybe what I really would prefer is a NANNY! So I can work (from home) and still get the benefit of being around for D. Of course, I don't need a psychic to tell me how that situation might turn out - likely we will have a nanny sitting around here calling out to D to come over and check out this and the other, try to engage her in play and all she wants is to drape herself over my leg, the arm of my chair, get me to carry her while I am working...just a lot of nothing going on for me, the sitter and D.
This will really take some careful consideration....

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Where did she go??

Where did that perfectly "compliant" daughter of mine disappear to? Oh, yes. She's discovered her voice and is exercising her right to speak her mind.
As her mother, of course I am shocked when she refuses some foods that I give her, says no when I ask her to do something...but of course, the girl does have a mind of her own and I need to accept that.
There's a lot of "no"s going on around here when we are eating and that just kills me of course because G and I are big foodies. I am thankful, however, that I can at least plead with her to at least eat a couple bites and she will do it so that's really all I can ask for right now.
Now as for getting her to do stuff...that's a whole 'nother battle to tackle. I'm trying to put into practice giving D options as opposed to ordering her around. It's all about having her make up her own mind versus just doing my bidding.
For instance, if she doesn't want to put on her shoes. Instead of yelling at her to put on her shoes. I say, "D you can either put on your shoes or we will not be going to school. Do you want to go to school?"
Well if you don't put your shoes on, we will not be going to school.
All of this, mind you, is delivered not in a threatening tone but a matter of fact tone.
She puts on her shoes.
Come to think of it, my delivery here might not have been quite right either. I think it maybe should've been something like, "You can choose not to put your shoes on, but we can't go to school unless we have shoes on. You decide." And then go on to ask her if she wants to go to school, etc. Get it? There's a whole lot of psychology that goes into this parenting biz...
I'd always been kind of interested in psych as a career, but more so in the way of psycho-analyzing adults where I might not be so vested in the outcome.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Baby's got a cold

And she's lost her voice!! Just like her mama does. Do you know what that tells me? That tells me that sweet D is going to be a jabberjaw when she grows up. Probably really opinionated and loud. JUST like her mom. :oD

I've also maintained that the reason why I always lose my voice when I get sick is because that's God's way of giving my friends and those closest to me - a break. :o)

Saturday, September 17, 2011


D is now at that stage where she will try to get out of napping as often as possible. It is almost impossible to get her to go down for a nap if I just say, "Okay, it's time for a nap." While that's worked in the past for the longest time, now she just fights it. She will sit in her room, roll around on her bed, sing, talk whatever but she will not sleep.
Nowadays, if we try to get her to nap on her own she will cry and if tired enough, eventually will go to sleep. Now some might say that she might be over her naps. Well, yeah. I would be inclined to think so if she didn't always fall right asleep whenever we pack her up in the car to go someplace. So the scenario is we try to tell her to nap. She fights it, does whatever in her bedroom for maybe in hour. Well, since she is not napping then we decide to go do something else. Of course, if we just stay home for the rest of the afternoon or we go walking then of course, she's kept busy and will not fall asleep. But if we take a stroller or jump in the car, she is fast asleep.
Can you imagine how annoying that is? Here we are waiting for her to take her nap and then since she's "decided not to nap" we then decide to do something and then she falls asleep. No good.
So, she DOES need her nap, she just is trying to exercise her right to avoid them.
The funny thing is while I am driving her around, trying to get her to fall asleep, she is talking my ear off. She is asking questions about the day, she is singing and then today, she is even talking to herself and announcing that she is talking to herself. Funny, but also a little bit like, "D! STOP TALKING! RELAX so you can fall asleep." :o)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Oh nooo I DI'ENT

Y'know, I attended the Waldorf Buttercup program in Nashville when we lived there and they are very against any kind of electronics. Computers and televisions are no good and iPhones, for shame! I kind of buy into that theory that all that stuff is bad for their overall development. I can't say how but I just buy into it and that's that. G and I were extremely busy and D did a great job of just entertaining herself. She loves to crawl into little boxes and pretend like she is in a car going someplace.
Just as I was shutting down (due to guilt that I am not paying enough attention to my child), G comes up with a great idea - Hey! I found the Ni Hao Kai Lan DVD....should we put that in to buy us an hour?? Then you and I can both get some serious work done.
While I hesitated for a short moment cuz "TV is bad"...I could not ignore the ability to get some serious work done this morning! So, we plopped her in front of the TV. Might not have been for the full hour...I don't think. But it was brainless TV nonetheless.
Sigh. I feel terrible. But at least I got my work done.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Over NVC

I think I might be over Non-violent communication. Well to be honest, I did not even do any reading up on it and just tried to glean what I could from watching the teachers at D's school. Just a lot of finding out what these kids are feeling and getting them to use their words to express their feelings rather than acting out.
I mean, I was beginning to think that "time outs" weren't that great because it leaves the child feeling ostracized (?) Just seems like we should be able to "talk" things out.
But, seriously...what are you to say to a child who responds to "Why did you scratch daddy?" With, "Because I wanted to." Because a butterfly...
"D, why do you always reference a butterfly? What does that mean to you?"
D: "It goes 'ssssss'"

WHAAAT? Whatever man...

But also, I watched an interaction today between two children. One kid was chasing the other kid with a magnifying glass. The other kid being chased kept saying, "No, I don't like that. Don't chase me with that." (Perfect example of communication and moving away from said annoyance)
But the instigator kept chasing him. So a teacher intervened and was saying to instigator, "Hey, X, I here Y saying that he doesn't want to be chased by you with the magnifying glass." Instigator still trying to tap the other kid and really, smirking at the teacher. Finally the teacher just led him away to distract him. Was that useful? Was that helpful? I'm not so sure. Sure, the teacher did not resort to telling the kid what to do directly but wouldn't a simple, "Hey, X, please stop doing that to Y." have sufficed? Who needs to hear kids feelings anyway? Hahahah.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Being a mom

Hmmm...I'm beginning to question my "position" as a mother. I am in the midst of joining a moms club out here and one of the questions in the getting to know you section is - What do you love most about being a mom? it bad that I don't really have a good answer for that? There's really nothing great about being a mom, is there? Yeah, sure you get to see your kid grow up. She does funny things and is quite a joyful person to be around. But truthfully, it's a whole heck of a lot of HARD WORK to be a mom. I know I preach this a lot but I think the "mom" experience is totally different between a stay at home mom and a working mom and I clearly belong in the latter group. I am not hard-wired to hang out with my kid all day long. I'm just not. Like I mentioned before, I was watching two kids for four days I nearly died. That's just FOUR days!! What about those moms that have 8 kids? No thank you. No thank you very much...
I also think this NVC thing is driving me bananas. It's so difficult to wrap my mind around letting D express her feelings to give her the confidence to make decisions in the future, etc., etc.
Alternative forms of communication rather than "ordering her around". But life is so much easier when you can just order them around and tell them what to and what not to do. Who cares about her confidence in the future? I found mine somewhere in my 30's....

Friday, August 26, 2011

Building confidence

How does one address a child who is screaming over the fact that her cousin wants to take a nap? Actually, if anyone tries to close their eyes for a bit of downtime while in D's presence, she will get upset and will scream. Not a blood curdling scream but just a short scream to scare you out of sleep.
It all started when she was really young - a baby and she screamed when her grandfather shut his eyes. We thought it was funny at the time so we let her continue and it became a, not so funny.
And I'm trying not to be the mother who just screams at her kid and tells her to not do that. I'm trying to communicate with her and ask her why is she screaming? Why can't H sleep? D's response - Because I don't want her to. Well, I just don't want her to. How does one work with this??
So today I said, "Well, D if H closes her eyes, is it hurting you?" D: "No." Me: "Okay, then we should let her close her eyes. Is that okay with you?" D: "Yes."
Did it work? Not sure...
Later D asks, "What is H doing?" My response, "Don't concern yourself with what H is doing, please. You just worry about yourself."
Silence from D. That was good enough for me. Eventually, she turned her head, her eyes got droopy and she fell into slumber...which was what I was looking for from the beginning of the car ride. Exasperating, no?

Now it's my turn and eh, not so fun...

I have been watching my niece, H and D these past couple of days. H goes back to her mama this Saturday. These girls are making me want to pull my hair out!! I'm pretty sure that when they are over at my sister's, she doesn't have this problem because H shares all her toys with D. She lets D use everything and seems happy to do so because she is almost seven so she understands the art of sharing. D, on the other hand, is only 2.5 and while she has made great strides in understanding possession and not being so possessive of toys that we find out at school or at playgrounds, she is very possessive of her toys in her house. So...that makes for some very unpleasant encounters. And I don't want to always defer to H to be "the bigger/older sister" and understand. That's not very fair so I try to be reasonable for each situation.
I'm not gonna lie. The first couple of mornings involved a lot of D and then on my part. Just so sick and tired of H trying to take something just to look at it or whatever and D screaming at the top of her lungs because she doesn't want H touching anything of hers. Ruuuuddde.
And since I am now trying very hard to understand the art of non-violent communication and communication that builds confidence in a young child, it is so very hard for me to decipher what is right and what is wrong when it comes to communicating with these two girls. Needless to say, I have been EXHAUSTED at the end of each day.
Another thing is I know H does things that she knows will irritate D. While it's not really hurting D, it does cause D to scream and then H lies that she didn't do anything. How does one deal with THAT?? Case in point, the other morning, D was walking around with her helium doggie, loving on it, etc. She didn't want H to touch Nashuan (the dog's name). I turn my head, go into the kitchen for something and then I hear D screaming and then crying. I run over there to see what is going on.
Me: What happened, D? Why are you crying?
D: H stepped on Nashuan!! (clearly you can see why this would be a upsetting to a 2 year old)
H: No, I did not. I mean, I did but it's cuz I didn't see it.
Hello, people. The dog is RIGHT THERE. There is no way she didn't see it!
I mean, my response was just that. "Come on H. There's no way you could've not seen the dog."
I felt terrible saying that, but it's true!!
Anyway, suffice it to say I am at my wit's end with this non violent communication thing. It hurts my head...

Monday, August 22, 2011


Yeay! D had her first sleepover yesterday at her cousin, H's house. D was so excited about it and kept asking about it since last Friday! She just loves her cousin, H!
So, here comes the time when my sister and the two girls are leaving the house and they are in the car. G and I are in the driveway waving good bye and G, of course, is asking, "Is she going to be okaaay?" OF COURSE SHE'S GONNA BE OKAY! And my sister, A rolls down the window for the girls to wave bye-bye and D yells out the window, "Mama! Go inside!"
Oh, okay. Well there you have it. I guess she's fine. :o)
After she is put to bed, A did call me to give me an update. Yes, D is asleep right now. No, she did not just go happily into her crib. She did start to cry a little. Not wailing but just sad asking where Mama is. She said, "But it's night time. Where's mama?" Awwww...truly she's never really been put to bed without me except for maybe two other times in her young life.
But A held her and talked to her. Asked her if she was afraid and explained that she didn't have to be afraid. That auntie, uncle and H were all there for her. A even had H crawl into bed and pretend to sleep. That seemed to soothe D a little. A was able to put her in her crib and shut the door. Then I guess D cried again but A gave it five minutes before she would go in again and sure enough right about 5 minutes, silence. D had fallen asleep!
Now, given this, the morning wake up could've gone two ways - D could wake up crying and wanting to see me or she could wake up and just be excited to see H. Luckily, it was the latter.
Success! Maybe we should do this more often so she doesn't forget how fun it is to have a sleepover. :oD

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Aaannd Daddy saves the day

So, D spent all day yesterday asking for blueberry pie. Random since she's never had it before, but since she requested, I thought I'd oblige. I bought blueberries and told her I would make her blueberry tarts (since I had just bought a new mini tart pan).
This morning I woke up bright and early to make the tarts. I knew I wouldn't have any time later in the day and I wanted her to be able to bring them to school and share with her friends.
She woke up during the process and wanted to help. I let her help until I was cutting the dough with a cookie cutter because obviously she wouldn't have the dexterity to pull it off. And because she didn't have a suitable task, she got bored and would poke and prod the crust dough that I had already placed in the tiny tart holders. Aaargh! She was driving me mad.
I finally told her to get off her step stool and do something else! That made her cry and Daddy came running to the rescue.
He asked me for some leftover dough, grabbed her her own board and told her she could play with the play dough. Ahhh...peace. Thanks, Dad!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Does D like her new school?

Well...I think she might. Anytime she hears anyone mention the word "school" she says, "My school is Riviera playschool"
And last night she is belting at the top of her lungs the good bye song that they sing to every kid as they exit - "Good bye, name, Good bye, name...Good bye name, We're glad you came to play"
So she's belting just the last two lines filling in the names of all her friends at school.
Super cute.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Talking to a 2 year old

I think we keep forgetting that D is only 2.5 years old. I mean, truly, who can tell what a toddler understands and what she doesn't? But, lately D's impatience has been driving me bonkers (and apparently her dad too). Case in point, we are on our way to the airport today to pick up D's grandparents. We have been super excited and have been saying to D, "Your grandparents are coming today! We are going to pick them up at the airport.." etc.
So, we are driving toward the airport and D keeps saying, "I want to go to the airport!!"
So I reply, "D! That is where we are going but you can't just say something and have it manifest right then and there. It takes time to drive to the airport! You need to learn some patience!"
I mean, this girl is always yapping at me about the stuff she wants and she keeps repeating herself even as I am trying to get it for her and prepare it for her and it drives me batty!
Then she asks, "Daddy, where are we going?" And Daddy, who is also exasperated replies, "Where did I say we are going, D? We are going to the airport to pick up yie-yie and nai-nai. You need to have better memory retention, D!"
Hahaha!! That last statement cracked me up!! She's 2 years old! And we are asking her to have better memory retention! HAHAHAH!!
But, in all seriousness...these are some trying times. I mean...GIRLS! Let me tell you (from a young age) you all must learn some serious patience if you EVER are thinking about having children. It takes the patience of saints to manage this job of parenting. Truly...OR you can always just run back to work and hire a sitter/nanny. Yes, that is the best of both worlds. You can semi parent (on weekends only) and leave the nitty gritty to someone else during the week. You get to wake up with the darling angels. Maybe feed breakfast and then happily hand that little angel over to someone else to deal with while you go to work. Then you come home, feed the baby dinner and then off to bed. All the while, all smiles because you didn't have to spend your entire day listening to the same songs being requested, the same questions being asked, whining, questioning, demanding...OH hey, I just described the happy life of a father. That's exactly what they do...

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


Ohhhh...snoooore....this philosophy bit is driving me crazy. Waldorf, Montessori, Reggio...etc. etc. an amalgam of all, parts pulled from some. Uggh. I'm pretty sure our parents did not fret so much over our schooling.
Right now I have D enrolled in a "nature" based preschool. Truthfully, what it looks like to me is a glorified day care. There are three "teachers" but are they really teaching? Or are they just babysitting? I guess just their mere presence and interaction allows for some sort of teaching. What they DO do, however, is engage in non-violent communication. And isn't it nice that they have just a couple rambunctious boys that engage in some random acts of violence so these teachers can display their talents.
Yeah, one of the boys walked up to another boy one day and started pushing his head into the side of the sandbox. Then ran away, came back and push this poor boy over. Excuuuse me, but that is just not acceptable. Oh, the teachers tried to get said bully over to "talk things through"...yeah..I don't know how effective they were. Anyhow, the way I try to deflect this bullying tendency (since D won't let me leave her site so I have to sit around with her all morning) is to laugh off any attempts at bullyism. For instance, I saw one of those boys coming over to D and kind of staring her down, pushing his body into her. I just said very sing-songy - "C, what are you doing over there? Are you staring D down?" And laughing. Then he laughed and D laughed so she wasn't intimidated. And today, another boy kept coming over roaring so I said, "What are you?" He replied, "A Bear!" So I said to D, "Then, D, you are a tree. Bears don't attack trees..." I had her put her arms up like a tree. The boy says, "well, they climb trees..." I replied, "yes, but this tree looks too small to climb. She must be a bush."
And that was the end of that game!
Anyhoooo...although I feel like D probably prefers a more structured environment (or maybe that's just me). At the very least I feel like she gravitates towards a more structured environment I think I'm going to stick to this "free play", naturistic environment to help her step out of her box. Plus, G and I also wonder if we may be doing D a disservice if we were to pull her out of this school now and put her into another one. Very confusing so we'll stick with this for a year. Then we'll see.
Tiring. Very tiring.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The power of communication

We are traveling to San Francisco June 27 and we will be staying with G's sister and family. They have a bunk bed and R, his sister, called to say she's got a bed set up for D in the girls' room.
So, to prepare we are going to transition her crib to a toddler bed ASAP. I kept telling D, "We are going to transition you into a big girl's bed, D! Daddy is going to change your bed into a big girl bed!!"
So every day D would ask, "Am I going to get a big girl bed?" And alas, we just didn't get around to ordering the converter so off we fly to SF.
When we got in, it was already almost 9pm. Her cousins were fast asleep. D had dinner, played for a few and then I took her up to bed. We showed her her own big girl bed then showed her that her two cousins were already asleep. I put her security blankets, baby giraffe on the bed and then said good night...she fell right asleep!
Today - girls played around all day. While N, D's younger cousin caught a nice nap while driving around the city, apparently everyone was too loud for D to take a nap so no nap for her today. Given recent experiences in the past week, I didn't think D would ever consider taking a nap if she could hear her cousins horsing around downstairs.
She was a bit more sensitive than other days but no major meltdowns.
By 6pm I thought it better to just put her to bed even though regular bedtime for all three girls is 7:30/8pm. I was a bit apprehensive at first to put D to bed in her big girl bed without all the other girls sleeping because I was afraid she'd just jump right up and walk around.
Alas, that did not happen. I put her to bed and she fell right asleep! Sweet!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


Hysterics for maybe 5 minutes. Now silence. Fast asleep. Peace at last...

Melt down? Hysterics?

Hmmm...D did not take a nap today. Well, she fell asleep on the way out with G. He was on his way to an errand and she fell asleep. Of course, I blame him b/c he should've put her down for a nap when she was supposed to go down. But whatever. She's gone without naps before.
So, she falls asleep, he puts her in her crib. She's maybe asleep for 10 more minutes? And then wakes up? G blames the fact that the walls in our new house are so thin and she wakes up because he is talking on the phone. Perhaps? But usually she is pretty good at sleeping through everything. She's never really been a very light sleeper.
So, she doesn't nap and I take her around on some errands with me. By 4pm we're on our way home and she falls asleep 5 minutes before we get home. It's 4:30. There is no way she is napping at that time so I wake her up when we get home.
We hang out, eat dinner...all the while she is acting up, being bratty. Not listening, obviously b/c she missed her nap.
Now, we just put her down to sleep and she is in hysterics. Calling out my name, crying, screaming, hysterical...ugggh. Hate listening to it but I know there's nothing I can do to help her short of going in there and taking her out which would obviously be the wrong thing to do because clearly this girl needs to SLEEEEP!

Hsiao peng yo no longer

A couple posts ago I wrote how D had a new imaginary friend that she referred to as "Hsiao Peng Yo" (literally translated from Chinese: little friend). Well, for some reason, D does not treat this "little friend" very well at all.
She will ask, "Where is HPY sitting?" And if I respond, "Right here, next to me." She will run over and sit ON her declaring, "I just crushed HPY."
I mean it just goes on and on like that. Some days she'll ask where is HPY and I will say next to her waiting to share some food and she will reach out and say, "I just hit HPY" or "I just ate all my food so HPY doesn't get any." I mean, WTF...
So, today I got sick and tired of it and when she asked, "what is HPY doing?" I responded, "Well, D, you don't treat HPY very well so I am not going to play this game at all anymore."
And refused to respond to any inquiries into HPY.
I mean, I don't know where this is coming from but it's kind of disturbing to me. I can maybe understand this type of behavior if there was a new sibling in the house - maybe she needs to get her aggressions out or something, but this girl, she's a bit spoiled if you ask me so why in the world would she feel the need to be mean to her imaginary friend?
Maybe just to irritate me. Not sure.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Don't play with water...

Sooooo, D discovered how to spray water from the sink spout by holding her hand right under it and spraying water all over the place. I am currently practicing NOT losing it at her so when she does it I kindly remind her not to play with water like that. It makes a mess and it wastes water. She tried to do it again today when we were at her school and while I was able to prevent, I could see she's just short of doing it again if given the chance.
This evening, she did it again and I kindly reminded her again not to play with water. She just laughed her mischievous laugh. In my mind I am a bit panicked as to how to help her realize that it is not proper to play with water in the bathroom (especially at school) without spanking her or something. There, I said it, yes I do spank her sometimes just to get the point across and I am working on stopping that nasty reflex.
Well, something in the universe must be on my side because she jumped off the sink laughing as I my voice is probably trailing behind her reprimanding her water play and then here she comes running at me into the bathroom and slips in the water she just splashed onto the floor! Slipped and fell back on her head. There you go. There was my lesson.
I picked her up promptly but did not let the lesson go unnoticed. I told her, "Oh nooo, baby. You slipped. You see? This is why mommy tells you not to play with the bathroom water..Daddy then chimes in, 'we don't play with water inside'..." And then I point out to her, see the floor, it is wet from the water you splashed.
There. Lesson learned. I hope. We'll see what happens tomorrow when she brushes her teeth.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Savin' it just for Dad

Why is it that sometimes D is just on her worst behavior with her dad? Or is it just that everything seems compounded when he is around because I am aware that he is HYPER-aware?
Take for instance yesterday - we went out to lunch with the fam. D had taken a short snoozer on our way out to the restaurant (which was about an hour away). After lunch we decided to go into Pasadena to the kidspace museum up there - activities, climbing apparatuses, water play...
I mean, she has gone full days without naps without overreacting. Yet, of course, with her father around, she throws a complete fit in the car as we are driving my sister and niece back to their place. She is screaming at the top of her lungs, crying hysterically...saying she wants to "go home to Nashville" She wants "her own bed"...that sort of thing.
Mind you, right after we let my sister and niece off, D stops her hysterics. But still...her father's response - "Never again. We will never push her. She NEEDS her naps."
Oh, bother. Please...she does not need her naps. Give me a break....

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


It's been kind of quiet on here lately. Mainly because we just moved from N to LA and we are homeless. :o) Kind of a lot going on here trying to manage schedules. And having D spend time with her grandma, her grandma 2, her grandpa and her grandpa's wife, another grandma. Whew!
Anyhooo, moving has been pretty cool. We explained the whole process to D as it unfolded:
Don't mess up the house, we are trying to sell it. There are people coming to look at our house.
Once we moved out and were staying at our neighbors: We are now staying at Court and Andrew's house. That is not our house anymore. And she would repeat while looking at our (old) house from the window - "That's not our house anymore. We are moving to Los Angeles."
And now that we are in Los Angeles, oftentimes she will ask about her friends in N. Well, more their moms like, "Where's Faye? Where's Jennifer?"
And I will say, "She is in Nashville."
And D would say, "There is no more Nashville..."
And I of course would explain to her that Nashville is still in existence, we just don't live there anymore. We live in Los Angeles now.
The funny thing is, right now we are staying with a friend's mom but visiting my father and my mother at their respective houses. And now D always asks, "Who's house are we going to?" When I say we are headed home.
Thankfully, we have found a home and will be moving in and settling in soon.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Hsiao Peng Yo - Little Friend

D now has an imaginary friend. She started referring to it a few weeks ago but just now is getting really into it. For instance, every time we exit the house and get in the car, she wants me to put "Hsiao Peng Yo" into the car seat too. When she is eating, she wants me to lift HPY into the high chair as well.
It's kind of funny but also kind of tiresome sometimes when we keep having to remember to get "HPY". But the funny thing is - I'm trying to use HPY as a way to get D to really embrace sharing...and I don't know that it's working all that well. On the way home today D was eating some snacks and she kept asking, "What's HPY doing?" Finally I responded, "HPY is sitting next to you and she'd like to share your snacks."
D's response, "No! I can't share my snacks."
Me: Why?
D: Becaaaauuuuse. You give her snacks.
Fine, I will give her some snacks...blah.

BUT, sometimes it works in our favor because D always wants to be first so when she is goofing off (which is ALWAYS) as we prep to leave the house, I will say something like, "Okay, fine. Then I'm just going to put HPY's shoes on first." At that, D always comes running, "NOOOO! I have to put my shoes on first!" Done. Now we can exit the building.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Is it bad to offer your child "conditions", "If you don't take a nap then you won't get ice cream." But I don't like to dangle treats in front of her so I word it like so - "Honey, if you take a nap, when you wake you can have ice cream!" (It's banana ice cream btw, pure banana just frozen and put through the blender) And while she is having her fit and screaming, "muffin?? smoothie?? watermelon juice..." I am looking at her calmly and saying, "If you take a nap...only good babies that take naps get a smoothie..."
Is that bad? Is it just generally bad practice to bargain with your child? I'm not sure of the answer to that question. In my mind, I kind of think it is? But I'm not sure why?

In any case, I do appreciate D's ability to reason. Today, she decided she didn't want to take a nap. She went B-A-N-A-N-A-S when I put her in her in her crib. Usually, we just let her CIO a bit but this time she was taking it to the extreme and really digging in deep with her crying. Oh, I went to G to seek guidance and he was a stone - "She needs to sleep. Just let her cry."
But, alas, I tried to go in to reason with her. Got nowhere and then just ended up taking her out.

Truly, a wrong move because she was so whiney and cry-y...and then an email came in that said some of our mom friends were going to Fairytales, the book store, by our house for story time. Great! So, I told D we would go but first I'd have to clean up the kitchen. 2 seconds later, D asks if I can carry her. "Noooo...I have to clean the kitchen.." MELLLTDOWWWN. And, mind you G is on a work call so I drag her into her room and shut the door. At least if she's going to cry, G doesn't need to hear it. BANNNAANNAS again. She was out of control. I left her in there for all of one minute and then went in there to reason with her.
There was some REALLY loud talking by get my point across over her bawling. And really I am yelling at her because there is absolutely no reason for her bawling except for the fact that she didn't take her nap! And all she wants is for me to pick her up and hold her. So, I do. And then I carefully explain to her that Daddy is on the phone so she needs to be quiet. There is no reason for her to be crying so please be quiet. "I can take you outside with me but I can't carry you because I need to clean the kitchen. Will you be quiet and sit on your step stool?"
D - "Yeah"
Me - "Okay, I'm going to take you out there but if you start crying again I will put you right back in this room and shut the door."

And you know what? I got silence from her the entire time I was cleaning. G came out from his office for a moment wondering if I had put her down for a nap. He was shocked that she was just sitting there quietly. Isn't the power of reasoning a beautiful thing?


Okay, okaaay. I guess there are happy moments in motherhood and I am pretty tickled over the things that D does.
Just running this morning back through my mind: I am getting her ready to go to L's house where J will watch D, and three other kids this morning. By now, L pretty much expects some popcorn whenever he sees me or D. So I tell D to grab her backpack. Mommy's putting some stuff in there.
She gets it and sees what I am putting in.
I say, "Okay, we're going to fill your backpack up. See, here's some cottage cheese (her eyes light up), some fruit, then here's your spoon. Now we're putting the popcorn in and the blueberry muffins. She's getting really excited now. And then I get her sippy cup, fill with water and we're done. She wants to carry her backpack.
I say, "Are you sure? It's pretty heavy cuz it's got a lot of stuff in it."
She replies, "Yes!"
So she puts it on her back and we walk out the door.
When we get to Leif's house, I get her out of the car and remind her she needs her backpack. She throws it on her back and runs up to Leif. She says to Leif, "I've got a lot of stuff in here!" cute!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Well, it's been a while since I've posted. Mainly because all is going well but I just have days where I just want to E.S.C.A.P.E.
It's funny. This week a mother friend of mine emailed our MOMS group to ask "What's a good, inexpensive gift I can give my husband for Father's Day?" And a few moms replied - "I'm giving my hubby a day off. I will take the kids and get out of his hair so he can just have me time."
Well, I read that and thought, "WHAAA??! That's what I need!" G would not need that because he rarely ever spends alone time with D. In fact, that would've been a wonderful gift for me. Not that he wouldn't ever offer. I think I'm just afraid that if I get too much of that, I might NEVER come back. I might stay away forever. :oD

On a separate note, lately D has been taking some monster naps - around 3 hours. And then we still try to put her down around 7:30 or 8pm. Some days she just sits in there and sings and sings and talks and eventually goes to sleep. But today, she barely sang at all. I don't think she took a three hour nap, but I put her to bed by 8. We shall see if she actually sleeps until 6am. She woke up at 5am today. I mean, even though we have that sleep training clock, I'm still up just waiting for her to call me to take her to potty.
So, I'm thinking I am not being active enough for our little girl. Today, when she woke up from her nap, we took a walk to Bongo Java to have some steamed milk, then walked over to our neighbor's to hang out and walked home. Then walked over to our neighborhood bar with some friends for happy hour. Like I said, when I got her home, we took a quick shower, read a book and then straight to bed.
In contrast, for the two past nights D has been racing around the house like a mad woman after we change into her night clothes and before we sit down for book reading. Do you think that's her way of telling us she needs to burn more energy?? I guess this all goes along with the statement that mothers of three year olds make - that once they reach 3, they can't wait to go to school because they are so bored with you.
I'm really looking forward to getting D into school!! Yeay! ME TIME!!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Oh sadness

Motherhood is the one thing that just keeps reminding me of my shortcomings...
Today D was irritated by something her daddy was doing. She kept saying, "No, Dad!" but laughing and then when he wouldn't stop, she hit him.
He was M.A.D. So, he immediately reprimanded her and gave her a time out.
It is really hard to watch D in time out. He had her standing in the corner of the room facing the corner. She was crying her eyes out and calling out to me, of course.
I had to gently remind her that I could not go pick her up because she had hit her dad and that was not acceptable. Soo sad.
This particular incident, in and of itself, is not what really saddens me. What really saddens me is the fact that her temper, hot-headedness and tendency to lash out and thrash things is a result of watching me. I know this because she had exhibited this temper early when she was just maybe 10 months old. And at that time I realized she was acting out according to what she would see from me. Since then, I had really worked hard at controlling my temper and I have seen her temper diminish.
However, now that she is getting older I am finding it harder and harder to control my temper. And the fact that if she hits me, my quick reaction is to hit her back while saying, "See? That doesn't feel very good does it? So, don't hit mommy." Umm..WRONG. I know, I know it's wrong yet I am just not able to control myself. I mean, I am able to but am having a hard time remembering.
When she is doing something wrong, my automatic reaction is to smack her hand or her arm or her bottom to get my point across. Also probably to assuage my own temper.

AAAARRGGGHH!! I struggle. But I don't want her to suffer through time outs. It's so sad and I know it's because of me. The guilt...

Sunday, June 5, 2011

What did ______ say?

D currently likes to play this game where she asks, "What did ____ say?" And I answer her. At first it was her asking things like, "What did Hope say?" referring to when we were all together in LA.
I respond, "Hope says, 'yes, D...'"
But now this game has evolved to her asking things like, "What did the tree say? And I would respond something like, "The tree says, 'my leaves are falling!'"
What did the sink say?
The sink says, "Wash your hands"
That sort of thing.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Time out

G is more into giving D time outs than me. I just don't see the point in them...
He's put her in two time outs since she's been old enough to understand. One time, she was being bad so he took her into the other room and placed her on the sofa and told her not to move. She sat there talking and singing to herself.
The second time he put her in a sort of time out was when she was just going bananas, crying and crying inconsolably for no reason. So he put her on the blue sofa away from us and told her she could just sit there and cry. She then started crying for me...and I tried to reason with her. "D, why are you crying? If mommy comes to get you, will you stop crying?" That sort of thing. Can't remember what the turnout was but if G puts her in a time out, I do try not to interfere.
Tonight was a real time out. G was telling D not to bang her spoon on the table. She didn't listen. He then confiscated the spoon so she picks up her fork and starts banging, really slowly and deliberately! G flipped. Removed her from her high chair and stuck her in the corner looking straight at the wall and told her not to move.
Oh was quiet for a minute at which point, I was thinking, "It's not going to work. She's just going to sit there and play."
But, no, I was wrong. She started bawling. She was so sad and then started crying out for me. "Mama?! Mama?!..." I didn't quite know how to respond as I did not want to negate G's disciplining. But then she started crying, "Mama?! Mama?! Where arrre you?"
Awww, so sad!! So I got up and tried to reason with her. "D, daddy put you there because you were being bad. You have to listen to Daddy..." more crying.
Then I think G got sad because then he was trying to tell her that he will get her as soon as she stops crying.
I tell you...disciplining is some HARD WORK! I just...I just don't know how to do it sometimes. I get so frustrated at not knowing how to get her to listen sometimes. I don't know. I just don't know.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Sleep Training Clock

Hurrah for another great invention! This one was certainly invented by a mother who had too many early risers. On the recommendation of some of my mommy friends, I purchased an American Innovative Teach Me Clock. Why? Because D wakes up REALLY early. Now that the sun gets up so early, she is up early too.
You can set this clock to change color at a certain time. For example, I've set D's clock to turn green (this is the only color it changes) at 6:20am. Yeah, do you see that? I am setting her clock to 6:20am because she wakes up between 5:30 and 6am!! And I can't imagine making her stay in her crib, entertaining herself until 7am. That would be torture and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work. It's all about managing expectations here.
And, it's been working great! G and I think that D gets up really early because prior to this clock, we would tell her before bedtime, "Good night, remember, only get up when the sun gets up." And now that the sun is getting up so early, we had to go to plan B.
And now I tell her, "Good night. Now remember, only call mama when the light on your clock turns green."
And she does! I hear when she wakes up and she will roll around in her crib, play, sing whatever. Then when the light turns green she announces, "Mama! The light is green!" And then I go down to get her. It's really cool!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

It's time to get rid of your underwear

As told to me by D's dad, G:
This was yesterday morning.

"So, I'm in D's room playing with her and we're playing around. She's by the window and I'm sitting on the floor and she looks over and says, 'I can see your pee-pee, dad.' I look down and I've got a gaping hole in my boxers!"

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Signs of a future party animal...

She loves to be spun around (in the future = drunken dizzies)
She loves to be in the stroller while I am jogging b/c she loves the speed. She's always saying, "Can Mommy RUN??!" With emphasis on the word run. (in the future = speed demon)
Oh, and she is always asking us "Can Mommy chase that car?" while she is directing us from her car seat.
When I am labeling our packing boxes with Sharpies, she is running up next to me to take a big whiff of the fumes and announces, "Mmmm, smells good!" (in the future = druggie)
And we think we have our hands full now.

But am I fostering the right characteristics?

I often think about that when I am interacting with D. She is very playful and loves to run around when we are trying to get her dressed in the morning. Then again when we are trying to get her to put her shoes on...she runs around and laughs and laughs. Sometimes, I laugh too and play along.
But, there are days when I am just not in the mood because I am seriously trying to get out the door. On those days, I get really grumpy and put on my grumpy face and tell her to "quit messing around!" "Mommy is not playing with you. I'm going to count to three and if you...." She usually sobers up with those words.
And it is during those times when I then flash back and think, "Well, by being so serious, then am I fostering a lack of fun and humor in D?" Will she then just take herself too seriously because I didn't want to play with her?
Seriously...this question applies to many things, many instances. I can't think of them all now but I know I am constantly asking myself that question.

Sunday, May 15, 2011


Surely I'm not the ONLY person who feels that hearing that word over and over and over again is grating on the nerves???
Truly. I was taking D to a farm yesterday that happened to be about an hour away from Nashville. She was getting antsy and just starting to whine and just kept saying, "Mama. Mama."...."Mama."
At first, I was replying, "Yes, sweetie." "Yes, baby." But no response from her. Just a continuous, "Mama..."
And then I was replying, "What."
And then she says, "Don't say 'what' to me!"
Blah. Seriously, can she just stop saying Mama??
Today, same thing. Just keeps saying Mama maybe because she is tired? Bored? Unsure of herself?
And now I digress.
I tell ya...this mothering thing is a thankless job. I bend over backwards for this child and she's certainly not doing the things I'd like her to do sometimes - like not playing with her food, like eating her food properly and in a timely not swinging her fork around.
Sure, she's only two years old but then I think about myself when I was young and I'm pretty sure I did not turn out the way my mother had hoped for me. Yes, I'm pretty sure as a mother you just give and give and hope and hope and then just end up giving up hope.
Bleak, isn't it? Thankless. Don't know why so many women are pining for this job...and multiple times no less. Crazy.

New besties

When I was in Palm Springs for five days, D was being babysat by our friend, J who's son, L is one of D's besties. I mean, she really loves L but L is kind of stand-offish sometimes. Though I think I recall J mentioning that D and L have conversations together (in their own toddler language) and he just lights up when she talks to him. That's sweet.
So, the week before I was leaving, D spent 2 hours at J's house on Friday and 2 hours on Monday (same days for the days that I was gone). The following week, G took D to J's for four hours - 9am - 1pm both Friday and Monday.
Oh how D just loves J.
Yesterday, we went to craft time and D was really excited to see J and L. She even said, "we will see L and I can hold his hand!" My response, "Well, not sure if L will want to hold your hand, but you can try..." Oh pessimist you might call me but you shall see...I was not wrong.
D was so sweet with J. She kept looking for them and then at one point she had sat down next to J and leaned her head on her. SO SWEET!!! I'm guessing aside from mom and dad, J and L are the next two people that D really feels comfortable with.
Okay, so here come D all excited to see L! She runs over to him, he thinks she's trying to take his car from him so he starts to cry and say, "No! No!" So we move onto something else. Then he gets out of his car later and is walking around, D is chasing him because she thinks it's funny. Does L join in the fun? No. He is again screaming, "No!" and crying. So, again I have to tell D, "D, L doesn't want you to chase him right now."
Oh, it hurts my heart to have to tell her that. I can see the joy in her eyes as she loves to play and run around and well, L just wasn't feeling it. It's fine. Everyone is entitled to their own personal space sometimes (especially a 2 year old who's had to share his mom for the past few weeks - I'm pretty sure if the tables were turned and I was babysitting L at our house, D would not be too happy with L...) But still, it was very sad for me to see that because naturally, as D's mom, I want her to always have fun and always have a positive reaction from her "friends". Booooo....

Friday, May 13, 2011

Just making a note

Since this blog was first started so that I could document all my trials and tribulations as a mother so my friends that were having babies after me could refer back or at least read and feel a sense of kinship, if you will, I felt I needed to make a note here.
Just the other day, my friend was asking me, "at what age do you stop having them cry it out??"
My answer at the time was, "Gosh, I don't know...I guess it just always applies if you feel your child needs to nap."
And here is my note. Just yesterday, we had to just let D cry it out in her crib. She did not want to nap but we felt she needed it. She cried her eyes out, screamed, carried on and then I guess finally went to sleep. I had left the house for an appointment and G is actually very good about just ignoring her.
So, she finally napped and when she awakened, her voice was actually a bit hoarse from all the screaming she did earlier. Oh well. Now she's fine. :o)
Oh and by the way, she is 2 years and a couple months.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Whoa...goin' bananas over here

And not in a good way...Mama just got back from being away for five days, certainly D would be so excited to see me. Of course, if she wasn't that would be fine too. If she gravitated toward her father more then we would've accomplished getting a little distance between mother and daughter.
That was not really the case.
Yes, D was so excited to see me, but all day she was REALLY weepy. She cried over every little small thing, every small incident.
What's that all about??

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Is Mama so happy?

So, D has started to see when I am angry (mostly when directed at her) and she will say, "Is Mama so happy?" And I will reply, "No, because...x, y, z" and when she knows she's done something wrong. She will just be quiet, go along her merry way and then periodically, keep checking in, "Is Mama so happy?"
I think she'd been doing that for about a month. Just the other evening, however, she was being a bit fussy and whiney and asked, "Is Mama so happy?" I replied, "No.." She immediately got mad and cried, "DON'T be sad!! Be happy!!!" Seriously, demanding it of me. And then of course I looked at her like she was crazy (as is my style) and she shouts, "Don't make scary eyes at me!!"
Hahaha! She is so funny right now!!
Then another time she asked, "Is Mama so happy?" And I replied, "No. Can you come here and give mama a kiss to make her happy?" She played around a bit but then came over and gave me a kiss., I've kind of shot myself in the foot (so to say) because now when she sometimes says, "Is Mama so happy?" and I reply, "No.." She runs over and wants to give me a kiss to make me feel better. She will also say, "Kiss! Kiss!"
See, and my temper doesn't really subside that sometimes of course when I am mad at her and maybe she hasn't adjusted her attitude, I have to just be "happy" because she's come over to give me a kiss. (cue: rolling of my eyes. Way to go. Good one, B.)

Sunday, April 24, 2011

So there IS light at the end of the tunnel...

I wouldn't specify at the end of a DARK tunnel since although I do complain about how attached D is to me, she truly, at the end of the day a very good girl. A relatively easy child, I guess.
Now about the light!
This past Friday morning, D and I were out front watering the lawn (shocker, I know) and our neighbors came out of their house with their great dane. We asked if they were taking Bella for a walk and they said they were going to Bongo Java and asked if we'd like anything. Well, D and I just went to Bongo the previous morning and I had gotten her a steamer (steamed milk with a shot of syrup topped with whipped cream) that she loooved. So, D pipes up, "Can I have a steamer?"
I said, "Of course! Can you get D a steamer with vanilla syrup?" And then D pipes up again, "Can I go on my own?!"
The neighbors and I were all quite surprised that she wanted to go...with the P's...all alone. Of course, I jumped at the chance! "Of course!!"
D happily bounced off the steps, reached for C's hand and walked off with them.
It was a milestone morning, this past Friday.
They took her to Bongo, bought her a biscotti, a steamer and then she sat down with them and a circle of friends and just happily ate and drank.
The neighbors reported back that D was very well-behaved, the hit of the morning crew and was just a delight to have around.
I was very happy.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

NYC baby!!

D and I took a mother daughter trip to NYC. We had a really great time. She loved the subways, loved the taxis. Love the sweet treats. Yeaaahh....errrmmm, sadly sweet treats are truly the way to a toddler's heart, aren't they? How in the world does this happen??
Generally speaking, G and I do not really always let D have sweets. Case in point - no birthday cake on her first birthday. I try not to give her sweetened yogurts, no juice. Just because we feel that she has her whole life to fill her body with yucky sugar and artificial ingredients. Surely, we as parents don't have to compound the situation by putting these things within her reach at all times. Although I do bake a lot for her...I guess we just feel better about making ourselves because then we know exactly what goes into those goodies.
Well, all caution was thrown to the wind in those four days that we were in NYC. Hey, we were on vacation! Decadence is always a highlight.
D had two cream puffs for breakfast on Sunday morning...and on Monday morning she had Trader Joe's Cheese Puffs. She loves those. On Tuesday, for brunch she had a chocolate croissant and fruit of course, but just fruit alone does not a happy baby make. She's bored of fruits. She eats that all the time.
Tuesday night, before dinner, mommy bought D a beautiful semifreddo from Eataly NYC. It looked so delicious, the diners at the table next to us were oogling. I had to tell them the dessert did not come from the restaurant we were currently at. She was soo good at dinner after that luscious semifreddo for a starter. Then she went and fell off her booster seat (thanks to mommy's negligence and not strapping her in) and hit her head. The chef at Mercat (where we were dining) was so sad he sent over ice cream for her. I let her have it of course. But, luckily, the girl had sense enough not to finish the whole thing! And when we ate our dessert - a chocolate souffle, she also got a bite of that. Whew!! That is a LOT of sugar in one sitting.
But, I am happy to report that I do not think it had any real adverse effects on her. Sure, she did race from room to room singing and going generally berserko. BUT, when I put her down to sleep, she went right to sleep.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Pee...oh bother

Traipsing around NYC with D today. She had so much fun swinging in the swing that when she got off and was walking over to the slide, she realized (too late) that she had to pee. So, the scenario went something like this - "I have to pee-pee!" whimper, whimper.
Mommy picks her up and is hurriedly taking her over to where the bathroom is and - oooh, what is that, warmness pouring over my leg as I look down to find D has peed all over herself, me and the playground.
Mommy: "Well, I guess that's that. No bathroom trip needed. I guess we are going home. We can't go on the slide."
Gross. Tomorrow - pull ups.

And then this evening I decide to take D into the shower with me so she can get a cleaning after peeing on herself. We're in the shower and she starts to cry b/c she has to pee. I just tell her to pee in the shower. Clearly, she was upset about it but I guess she peed. Sad.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

When did I create this monster?

I know I've complained a lot on here about how D is waaaay too attached to me. Really. Seriously. It is getting out of control. Remember when I posted about how D is so attached to me that even when I leave her home with daddy, she gets sad?
Yeah, she's still like that. Funny story - the last time I had G watching D for several nights in a row, on one of the nights he exclaims, "I'm exhausted. I need to go to bed." This being only around 9:30PM which is unusual for him...except when he has to watch D. So I respond, "You always exclaim that you are EXHAUSTED whenever you have to watch her." G says, "I do? Well, you know why? Because I have to constantly keep her attention and keep her entertained otherwise she starts to get teary-eyed and asks for mama."
Poor G.
But do you see this? It is out of control. And now it's even worse!
Now, she doesn't want her father to pick her up from naps. She goes bananas and cries her eyes out. And sometimes, she doesn't even want him to look at her. She lets him know by saying, "No! No Daddy look at you!"
I don't know how this happened. I just don't understand. WHHHYYYY MEEEEEE?
And really, G is not being any better at handling the situation as he just turns around and walks away. It makes him really mad that she acts that way. Helllooo?? The way to fix this is if G just spends A LOT of one-on-one time with her...hello? Am I the only one thinking here?'s just really ridiculous.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Maybe I need to work out

Maybe I don't. But I certainly FEEL like I need to work out when D is sitting at my knee poking and pinching the flab of fat that is currently sitting on top of my jeans!! Talk about giving a girl a complex...STOP THAT, D!!
Okay, I'm off to go jogging....

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Aaand she awakens

Whoa, as a follow-up to yesterday's diarhena post, I actually put D down for a nap around 3pm and she just ended up sleeping through the night! At around 8pm, I went into her room to turn on the humidifier and the space heater, she heard me rustling, but just turned over, tucked her arms and legs underneath her and snuggled right down to sleep some more.
At around 6:20am, I just couldn't believe that she was not awake yet so had gone in to check on her. When she heard me enter, she rolled over, jumped up and started jumping on the bed with a big ole smile! Guess she must've felt better!
She announced she wanted some milk so I gave her some...(probably not the best idea since you are not supposed to give kids any dairy if they are having stomach issues, but sometimes I forget that she can't diagnose herself and know what she wants) and she seemed fine. I fed her an egg. Loaded her up with some coconut juice - the best form of electrolytes and replenishment for dehydration, mind you.
Whhooops, around 10:30am, she started getting the squirts again. Poor baby. Just did not want to go to the bathroom b/c the whole liquid out of her bum is so foreign to her! But once she did and got it all out of her system, I think she was fine. I'm pretty sure it was the milk that did it. I tried it, and it was good, but for some reason I think her body was not into it this time around. Or maybe it was too soon for dairy. Whatever it was, she bounced back quickly and I think is fine now.
No more milk for the next few days, I think!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Diarhena (with a long "e"). Yes, that's what D says, "I have diarhena." She has a bout of some sort of stomach bug. She's had quite a few bathroom trips with liquid coming out of her backside. That makes her very sad.
We also had a 2009 play group at our house this morning, as well as her "nanny" (I put in quotes b/c don't most kids love their nannies? D, not so much when she's not feeling well) so I think the combination of all that just really wore her down. Was really sad to see. She was crying so hard she was hiccuping. Poor child.
Finally, we had to settle in her room. Anyhooo...she seemed to be really in low spirits, not very talkative or hungry for the better part of the morning and after we dropped Weilun off and came home and it was just mommy and D and a lot of cuddling, she seemed to come around. She was talking, eating crackers and the banana I cut for her and generally feeling better! Though she still seemed to be running a fever so I put her down for, I'm sure, a much needed nap.
Hope she feels better this evening!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

What am I? Dog meat?

Ya's pretty surprising how many people think D gets all her great traits from her FATHER. What am I? Just the vehicle?
Ever since she was born - "Wow, she's got such big eyes! Just like her father."
Then there's a comment on the blog from her grandmother, "Oh, I see D has a great sense of humor. Just like her father." (Uhh, I think I have a pretty good sense of humor too..)
And this one is the best. We recently went to Vail, CO for a family ski trip with my mom and my sister's family. We all stayed in a condo with one other person (a new ski friend of my mom's whom we'd never met before). On the last day, as we were on the bus back to the airport, we are all chatting and this woman, Teri, is blabbing on about how cute D is, how fun, talkative and she says, "Ooh, and she has such a great, friendly personality. I can tell she gets that from you!" Do you think she was talking to me? No, she was talking to G!!
Do you think I let her get away with that?? NO WAY! Lady, you don't know me and I've had laryngitis the whole trip. How do you know whether I'm friendly or not??
Anyhoooo...okay. Fine. G is probably a lot friendlier than I. I'll give him that.
But, I have this to say - Snarkiness and wit gets a person pretty far in life too and if D gets that from me, then I'll take it!

Monday, March 28, 2011


Y'know, I try to schedule my days so D and I are out and about and doing things either until we need to get home to feed her lunch and then nap or until she passes out. Today we had a lovely Moms & Muffins shindig at a MOMS Member house and then plans to go see a presentation of Cinderella at our neighborhood library at 10:30am. Sweet. That would probably last an hour, we'd come home, I'd make her lunch, play a little and then she's off for nap.
Well, trust her father to just mess it all up. It turns out that I was not able to take D to the library but coordinated with G to meet me and take her while I had to head home for lunch.
They came home at 10:55am. WTF?!! When I asked, G said, "Well, she wanted to walk so then she was just interested in walking and hanging on the sidewalk so we did that and then we headed home." DARN HIM!!! Yeah, they come home and he immediately jumps on work calls...leaving ME to stop doing my work and having to entertain D. Greeaattt...that's, like, 2 hours shot.
Does it seem like I'm a little bit irritated. Yeah, I kinda was.
I mean, really...I'm a mother by nature of having given birth. However, had I wanted to be a nanny, I would've applied for that position...I'm just sayin'. Run along and go play by yourself please D.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

A curious incident

Last night was interesting. Backstory - ever since D was a wee baby we have put two rolled up hand towels in her crib. At first G did that as sort of support next to her head. One on each side. Then as she got older these hand towels just kind of became her "security blankets" of some sort. There are two sets, green and pink and we just alternate between the four. When she is having a hard time or is sad, she asks for her "bay bay" (translation: blankie)
So, last night I put her down to bed and no sooner had I walked out when D started bawling at the top of her lungs and she was fine when I put her down. I went in to ask her what was wrong and she cried, "bay bay!!!" I gave her the one and she said, "other bay bay!!" And so I handed her the other one (both of which were already in her crib, that's usually where they stay). She promptly rolled over and went to bed.
Then around 1am she woke up crying her eyes out. I went in to see what was wrong and she was crying for her "little baby giraffe!!" So, I went outside to try and find her stuffed toy, found it and brought it in to her. Again, she grabbed it and promptly rolled over and went to sleep! Huh.
Annnd, I was so surprised today when she and I were sitting and chatting and she was holding little baby giraffe and looked at me and said, "Did Bao Bae cry when she was sleeping?"
And I responded, "Yes! Last night. You remember?" She nodded. :o)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Wow, it worked

A few weeks ago I was talking to some moms about naps. I was so surprised when a couple of the moms mentioned how their kids would tell them when they needed naps. One, maybe A, would just grab a blanket and lay down to sleep. Whaat?! I was incredulous. Another mom said yes, she would put her toddler to bed and just tell him to take a nap.
Really? You mean just put your toddler into the crib? And he's still standing...hmm..
I've never done that before. I've always sung D a lullabye before putting her in her crib whether for naps or for nighttime sleep and I guess I would never think to divert from that.
But, armed with this knowledge I think I might have tried putting D in her crib once or twice for a nap without singing a lullabye and she was fine. Took a nap. Huh.
But what's really a "wow" is what happened yesterday. I put D down for a nap. She rolled around, sang, talked to herself and then maybe 40 minutes later started calling out for me. Usually, we would ignore and then if she started to cry, we would pick up up and just say "Oh well, I guess she didn't need a nap."
Yesterday, however, we knew she needed a nap. She had gone to bed late and woken up early. So, when she started screaming for mama. I said to G, "I'm just going to go peek in and say, 'D, take a nap!'...that way she knows we're not ignoring her but she needs to take a nap."
Eeks. I was really afraid that it wouldn't work and she would go bananas...
But it WORKED! Hallelujah! After I went in and made my statement, there was not another peep from her and she took a nap! Whaat??! Craziness.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


One of the things I love about D...well, there are quite a few things that I love about D, though to meet me you could probably not tell since all I do is complain about her. :o) At least I don't do it to her face.
One of the things that I love about D is that even though she might not like to eat something, she will do it if I ask her to. Case in point, she is not loving the texture of the millet I made. (Sure, I may have overcooked it and it may be a bit mushy) But, whenever she eats it and tries to spit it out, I beg, "Please eat it. It's so good for you." And she will stop from spitting it out and just suck it up and eat it.
Thank you, D, for being so accommodating.

"Yao bu yao chu kan mama..."

I am sitting upstairs working while our Chinese nanny is playing with D in the backyard. D looves to play in the backyard in her sandbox so it's a good way to get her to spend some time with the nanny so I can get some work done.
Meanwhile, I can hear her repeating herself to the nanny, "Yao bu yao chu kan mama?" (translation: Shall we go see mama?) And the nanny is diverting her attention and trying to get her to stay outside and play...
It's pretty ridiculous.

Friday, March 18, 2011

2 things

1. Spring has sprung. The past two days' weather has indicated this. For D's nap this afternoon, I realized what this means. This means that she will be wearing more short sleeves, which means nothing for the tape to hang onto when she goes down for her naps and has to wear gloves...yeah, D still picks at her face (no mosquito bite necessary) so we put gloves over her hands during naps and for nighttime sleep. I wanted to cry today when I realized this is what Spring and Summer means. We just don't know how to convey to her how serious we are about her not scratching her face. Why can't she look in the mirror and see those numerous scars on her face?? I just don't get it. It makes both G and me very sad.

2. Lately, I am getting indications of what type of personality D has...she is a little daredevil and loooves speed. When I take her out in the stroller, she often asks me to run. She loves when we drive down hills at a faster pace (must be that roller coaster tickle she gets in her tummy) and now she also often asks if we can go "bike riding" - meaning us riding our bikes and her being towed in the trailer. Do you know what this tells me? This tells me that when it comes time to buy her her first car, we will be finding something that does not go past 45 miles per hour. Otherwise, our little speed demon could possibly get in a lot of trouble. :o)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


Reference the previous post and spanking...I mentioned to G last night that I spanked D. I could hear the cringe in his voice when he responded, "Why? I thought we agreed not to ever spank her." Umm, easier for him to say b/c he is so mild mannered. The thought of ever lifting his hand to even throw something across the room would never occur to him.
I responded with, "It was just a tap and sometimes I think it's necessary to force a point." and then proceeded to tell him how and why.
G: "Couldn't there been a different way to express yourself?"
And after much thought, I agreed and replied with the following - "I guess I could've said, 'D, we only use markers on paper.'" Then got a wet towel and asked her nicely to help mama wipe the marker off the floor.

Yes, that would've been a MUCH better and MUCH more effective form of communication. Sigh...I am still learning. Every day...

Monday, March 7, 2011


When is it appropriate to start spanking your child? I think 2 years old. :o)
We are not talking a hard spanking. I mean, I find it appropriate to have spanked D very quickly on her bottom to make a point - DO NOT use markers on the floor.
I feel like she is old enough to understand what is right and what is wrong. She certainly does know when she's done something wrong. Like when she plays with water from her sippy cup, pouring it out of the top into other containers and onto the floor. When we reprimand her and say, "D, don't do that. Mommy has told you before not to play with your water." D responds, very matter of factly with her pointer finger up, "Only outside."
So she knows exactly what she is doing when she is doing something wrong.
Today, I just felt it necessary to tap her bottom sternly to force home the point of not marking up the floor. By the look of her face, she got it.
She didn't cry. She just kind of looked like she was startled but also realized that I was serious. She didn't respond with a cutesy reply.
Eh, I don't know if it worked. We shall see...

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Waldorf philosophy

Today, we opened one of D's bday presents (that I had squirreled away since we don't need her opening ALL her gifts in one fell swoop). The present was a bead lacing kit - large wooden blocks with holes and two shoe laces to lace the beads.
Since we've been attending Linden Waldorf's Buttercup program I've been learning a lot about the art of creativity and fostering it in your child. One thing the teacher was telling me was always try to surround your child with "open-ended" toys. I was puzzled (no pun intended) as to what these could be and when she gave an example she said, "For instance, I gave my grandkids a set of wooden sticks and blocks and because they are not familiar with open ended toys they wanted to know where the directions were. I just kept telling them there are no directions. The toys are whatever they make of them." (And I am not quoting this verbatim b/c I obviously cannot remember what toy/game she gave them.)
Ahhh...I get it. I think.
But tonight I got it. When we opened the packaging, D took the string and was about to string a bead. G said, "How do you play this?" And proceeded to look on the back for directions. Because of my waldorf inspiration, I thought in my head, "It's whatever she makes of it." So I kind of just wanted her to go with it. Do whatever.
Buuut, G read the back and it said something to the effect of "use these blocks to teach your child counting and colors..." So that's what G strove to do but I really just wanted D to play and grasp the idea of just stringing the bead onto the string. The rest, the colors, the number counting would happen organically. :o)

Hi, meet my dog, D

Yes, this potty training thing is going...I'm not sure why I decided to cause myself such angst today. Dressed D in her underwear (no diaper) and took her out on a walk to give G some quiet time to sleep in. So, I'm calculating in my head, "Okay, just gave D some snacks and some milk. In about 20 minutes she will probably be ready to go potty so I'll stroll around over to Bongo Java." Did so, got an orange juice for D, a bagel and a coffee for me. We sat and ate and enjoyed ourselves. Just some Mommy and D time (not that we are ever short of that, ahem please refer to previous complainy posts).
She drank a LOT of oj so I am pretty anxious that she goes to the bathroom before we head on home or to a playground. Was thinking about taking her to a neighborhood playground but was really unsure of how I would react (most likely poorly) if she had an accident and peed in her, I take her to the bathroom before we pack up to leave. Her mind is clearly all over the place, what with a little friend outside by the tables, and running around the coffee house that she's definitely not thinking about taking a bathroom break so I don't think she peed. I'm a bit panicked. What to do...what to do?
Oh well, I pack us up and head home. Still wanted to give G some more time to sleep so I take kind of a roundabout way home. As we are getting close to home D announces, "I have to pee! I have to pee!" So I do what any self respecting mother would do. I pull down her pants and have her pee right on the grass on the sidewalk. :oD D's happy and Mama's happy b/c she didn't soil her pants. The grass is brown anyway since it's winter. No harm done at all.
AND...we all know she's gonna have plenty o'times when she's older when she's just going to have to drip dry and not get to wipe her bottom so might as well learn now!