Grand delusions

Clearly I had grand delusions that when D awoke from her nap, she would be so excited to see me and smile and jump up and down. I was sadly mistaken. I mean, who was I kidding? This is the girl who remains quite serious in front of strangers and contemplates them very carefully before ever eliciting a smirk or a smile.
So, of course, when I walked in after her nap, she kind of looked at me like, Wait, who are you?...she was kind of sizing me up. Then G followed in right after me and she was looking from him to me. And then she proceeded to motion to him to pick her up. And when he asked, "Do you want mama to pick you up?" She shook her head.
I was so heartbroken. I nearly cried...
But then I got over it. What a fleeting memory this girl has! Just kidding. I should be thankful for that since otherwise, she might hold a lasting grudge over me...letting her cry it out..staring at her blankly while she cries at times...oh, and of course there was that one day when I screamed at her. Yes, I should be very thankful she has a short memory.
Still...it kind of stung. I'm not gonna lie.

Home sweet home

Woke up this morning SO EXCITED to get home to see Bao Bae! Of course was sifting through the pics I have of her in my iPhone last night before going to bed.
It's such a wonderful feeling to have the anticipation of going on vacation, spending it completely relaxed and then being excited and anxious to get home already after being away.
D is currently napping and has been napping ever since I got home so I am super excited to go pick her up once she wakes up! Yeay!
We are going to our favorite soupy noodle spot - Vinh Long, a vietnamese noodle joint - for lunch. It's so nice to be home with my favorite person, G and my next favorite person, D and my absolute favorite poochie, B! B, who has been sick this entire weekend and moping was so excited to see me. He ran out to greet me! That was nice because this is the dog who doesn't bat an eyelash for anyone. And he has a stump for tail so it never wags. We can't tell if he's ever happy. :oD
I had a wonderful time in NYC, not just because NYC is hands down, maybe the best place on earth (save for the average weather, oh and the dirty subways....AND the disgusting smokers in the doorways of every building), but because most of my friends are now either pregs or trying and it's really kind of fun to watch it all unfold!
I feel very fortunate to have my friends in LA who have far surpassed me in the kids department except for my very best friend who just gave birth, then I have my NY friends who are all getting or thinking about getting pregs and then I have my Nash friends who, because they are in my mommy group sit in the same spot as I do as far as our kids' ages or at least close in age. So comparing notes is awesome. I feel like I get to see what I can aspire to be based on my friends in LA and their kids, I get to learn with my friends in Nash and then I get to share all my experiences and my friends experiences with my NY friends as they start seeking mommy advice. I get the best of all worlds.

Vacation

I'm on vacation...whoohoo!! After 13 months of being a full time mommy I am so glad to be on vacation!! Sure, I've left her before but only for 2 days and really always begrudgingly.
This time, I couldn't get away faster. It's so nice to get a break.
It was not really a planned vacation with friends or anything, but I am out in NYC for a friend's baby shower and then a work event on Monday night. We really didn't see any need for the entire family to come out and lugging a baby around NYC is really not that much fun. So I was really glad to get away - get a little bit of freedom and some peace and quiet and getting to spend some quality time with my friends without having to cut my visit short because my child needs tending to.
What I really enjoy is the freedom from responsibility. Knowing that I can be awake right now at 11:30pm, typing on my blog and not have to wake up tomorrow morning at 6am or sooner.
It's refreshing. G should take a weekend away. He really should. While he has been away quite a few times, it's always been for work and that is stressful and he is always on the go. He needs to get away to somewhere where he can relax and recharge. However, as I think about it now, I don't think he's really that type. He doesn't need alone time. He loves his daughter too much to just sit and be away from her for no good reason at all.

A curious incident

Last night, was really weird. D woke up in the middle of the night crying. Sometimes she will do that and then put herself back to sleep. Which she did last night too.
In the morning, when I went to go pick her up, she is sitting in the middle of the crib, looking at her hands like, "What's this?" And when she saw me walk in she had a look on her face like, "What's this on my hands?" Uhh...that would be puke!
Yes! Apparently, she had vomited in the middle of the night last night! Awww..poor babe. I did feel as if she was running a bit warm last night, or rather all day we (G and I) had commented that she seemed a bit warm. But we weren't alarmed as she seemed to be acting pretty normal.
And I think this may have just been an isolated incident. She was fine today. Just seems a bit serious lately. She laughs sometimes but not as smiley as she normally is. But healthwise, she seems fine. Let's hope we don't have a repeat performance tonight!

Bananas

Ooh, we traveled to Boston this weekend to visit our friends E and C and their 2 year old son, Aidan. Usually, she has always been a great traveler but not this time. She was tired but could not get to sleep so was crying and fussing. Awww...G finally got her to sleep. Phew.
Anyhow, it was a verrrry long day and add on top, when we got to their house, D was in heaven. They have all the cool toys. She just could not get enough and loved to playing with A.
Needless to say, she was super overstimulated and when it was time to go to bed, we tried to go through the normal bed routine (which, I might add, she's not really into yet...) yeah, bad idea. Too many people, too many toys, new environment.
Oh, she went bananas. I mean B-A-N-A-N-A-S and not in a good way. Like, hysterical. I finally had to get more milk in a bottle and feed her some more in the dark by the crib to calm her. She finally fell asleep.
Tonight, I threw brushing her teeth right out the window. Wind down was with me only (usually G and I read to her together as she drinks her milk), in the room. After I read her a quick book, I turned out the light and let her finish her bottle and rocked her to sleep. Success. Phew!

Leftovers

Am I crazy? I feel particularly proud of myself today for being able to get rid of some leftovers for D's meals today. Yeay!

Lunch today was a bowlful of cauliflower, carrots and butternut squash. And then I fed her a grilled cheese sammy for calcium.

Dinner consisted of quinoa and spinach with some beets and made some steamed sweet potato.

Easy enough!

I'm a terrible mommy

I seriously am...I yelled at Dillon today. :o(
I mean, NO ONE should ever scream at a 1 year old child. Well, no one should really be screaming at anyone really, but alas, I am only human and I do scream at adults sometimes and don't apologize.
But I am terrible because D was sitting in her bumbo on the counter and she dropped her sippy cup AGAIN and it landed on my toe and it HURT so I guess I blew a fuse. Shame on me. I yelled, "Ow!! Don't drop your bottle!!" And then I looked at her and she looked at me with this really confused expression - a) because she has never been screamed at before and b) because she didn't have a clue what I was saying. But then I regained my composure and I gave her smiles and kisses. Good thing they have short memories...don't they? I feel awful. Shame on me.
See, this is why I am only suited to be a mother (maybe) to a child who is 4 years old or older. Someone who understands when she does something wrong (of course, in this case, D didn't do anything wrong) but let's say, someone who has the dexterity to hold a darn bottle and not drop it!!! Is that asking too much? Yes...I did this all wrong. I should've just stuck to my original plan of getting divorced and then marrying an older man who already had kids. Insta-fam! Who doesn't love the insta-fam?? Oh well...too late. Better just learn how to chill.

A funny game

D was playing the funniest game today. Lately, she really likes to sit in our laps on the floor while we sit cross legged. She will grab a book and then crawl into our laps so we can read together. So today, she would take her toy (a pair of plastic chain links) and put it in the "hole" created by my crossed legs. Then she would sit herself down on my legs and then reach beneath her to get the toy.
It cracks me up even now just thinking about her doing it. I dunno...maybe you had to be there, but it surely was funny.
Funny just because why did she find that interesting? She would reach beneath her to try and get the chain pieces, but then would be confused if she couldn't feel them and then get up, pick them up, put them back down, then sit down and reach for them again. SOO FUNNYYYY!!!!

Groundhog's day...

Sometimes...I get this thought in my head...as I'm getting ready for bed..."Oh man, do I really have to get up and be a mom again tomorrow? When can I get a break??" I mean, I think I love my child, don't I? Or do I just feel a very strong sense of responsibility for her?
There are mothers that say, "I can't imagine my life without my child" Are they lying?? Because I CAN imagine my life without my daughter...I remember what that life was like and it was just so much simpler.
Sure, she brings joy to my life. But hanging out with my friends and drinking my face off also brought joy to my life. Working hard in the world of PR also brought joy to my life.
Sigh. Well, that is neither here nor there I guess.
Tomorrow is another day and I will wake up around 6..6:30am and do it all again. Play with Dillon, feed her breakfast, think about what nutritious, yummy thing I will make for her lunch and her dinner...take her out to play, do something that is stimulating..walk the dog, feed the dog...try to fit in some work...
Okay...enough of that. I made D a really scrumptious dinner tonight. :oD
I saw a recipe for pasta with butternut, tomato and cheese. But as I was preparing, I saw that it asks that the whole thing gets pureed and we are past that stage. So, I steamed the squash then stir fried the tomatoes in butter and made the pasta. I also made steamed kale and pureed that. Then mixed the kale the tomatoes, the cheese and the pasta together and gave her the squash for finger food. Oh, she looved this dish. Ate the entire thing WITH HER SPOON! And ate up the butternut squash too. Imagine that. Pretty cool. I was pretty stoked.
Off to bed to start my groundhog's day all over again tomorrow!

tacos!

I boiled some chicken the other day to make chicken stock for D. Daddy then made the yummiest shredded chicken for chicken tacos for Dillon! Not sure how he made the chicken but I saw that he had cut up some fresh tomatoes and cooked the chicken with that and maybe some chicken stock and spices.
I then took it and sprinkled some cheese on top and warmed up a corn tortilla and sprinkled some cheese on that and just tore off pieces of it, wrapped some chicken in it and fed to D. Side of cut up tomatoes. She loved.

Mmmmm

We had a pretty good menu yesterday.

Breakfast: Toast with peanut butter and banana, pears, blueberries
Lunch: Curried lentils with brown rice and chicken, carrots and cauliflower for finger foods, pear and oranges
Dinner: lentils with collard greens. The collard greens were stir fried in 1/2 olive oil, 1/2 butter with some onions and a dash of apple cider vinegar. She liked it better prepared this way.

Lentils were prepared in chicken stock. Tasty!!
Curry - stir fried some chopped onions, added curry spice and let it simmer until onions were soft. Add cut up chicken and stewed a bit longer, then added just the smallest pinch of salt (celtic salt, of course. Because I think the curry spice needs that to bring out its flavor). Then added the lentils at the end. Voila!

Now about the lentils. Lentils are already a form of protein so I don't know why I added chicken to her curried lentils. Actually, I do know why. It's because I was reading from a recipe and at the bottom of it the recipe read, "Add some chicken or pork to make a complete meal in a bowl". Uh, duh. Didn't have to do that. Curses. I hate to give her too much protein.
Then in the evening I was reading up on lentils and their protein-ness and I discovered that lentils are best served with grains like brown rice and the iron is better absorbed when eaten with dark green leafy veggies, hence the collard greens. And of course I couldn't serve her lentils with brown rice for dinner because I didn't have enough time to make. Oh well. I did the best I could.

Dover Sole!

I've been quiet about sharing "recipes" lately because I've been very uncreative...however, last night was a great meal! I made D some dover sole with spinach puree and served with a side of tomatoes for finger food. The sole was prepared as such: washed and dried. Sprinkled with garlic and onion powders and dusted with flour. Then pan fried in a mixture of olive oil and butter. So easy! And such a great soft texture that D ate it as is. With the spinach puree on top.
This evening I made a not so great meal. Thought it would be great to make some collard greens (flash boiled) pureed over brown rice. And I served it with carrots and broccoli as her finger foods. Well, she apparently does NOT like collard greens. She made a face every time I tried to feed it to her and often would spit it out. And then didn't like the texture of the carrots and brocc because I hadn't boiled/steamed them enough. Sigh. So, out comes the avocado. Fed her the collard/brown rice concoction masked with avocado. Down the hatch it went. Guess I need to find a better way of preparing collard greens...or...never serve it again. Eh, I never missed it. Never even ate it til I moved to Nashville and didn't like it because frankly, I don't like when my vegetables are stewed in bacon fat until they are mush.

Being a mother is...frustrating!

And being a working mother is almost more frustrating...why? Because our government doesn't help to provide us with the best produce and meats up front. You can't just go to your local grocery store and pick up fruits and vegetables and know they were grown with the utmost care for consumption at your table. Well, I can because my nearest grocery store is this cute organic market called The Turnip Truck. (They even have a clever name).
That being said, the TT isn't always fully stocked with everything one could wish for because they stock locally grown organic produce so naturally, they stock what's seasonally available to the best of their ability and they run out quickly because they stock in small quantities. I love that. But that is not why I am ranting.
I am ranting because I often find myself sidetracked from work because I need to do some research on what is best in nutrition, vitamins, minerals for D and for our family.
We recently went to the Farmer's Market and talked to some meat farmers. When asked if their beef was grass fed, they replied yes, but grain finished. We paused because we're not sure if that is good but we have read and know that grass fed is best. The farmers then continued to say, "all beef is grain finished in the winter because there is no grass." Hmm, that makes sense.
Well, not truly! I am just reading online that the best beef is grass-fed, must be grass-finished because this is actually the most important period - the last 90-160 days before slaughter. Grain finished beef actually tends to lose a lot of the important nutrients like Omega 3 and CLA during that period so feeding grass in those last days is very important. (!! Shocker!!)
AND, on top of that, you need to make sure that the beef was pastured all its life. Yes! That it was free-roaming and lived a good life, grazing outdoors and breathing fresh air, etc.
See, just going for the beef that's been labeled "Organic" or "natural" is not good enough (and you have our government's money grubbing standards to thank for that...)
So, as you can see it is very time consuming to constantly be researching online for the best foods for baby. In fact, it's also frustrating to know that when I do go to my local Farmer's Market, it doesn't quite operate as a true farmer's market (with local farmers growing organic, local produce). If asked, some of the vendors do tell you that they hawking produce that's been trucked in...so weird.
This job of being a mother is very, very tedious. Oh how I reminisce about the good ole days when it was just ME. Eating whatever. Who cares what I put in my body...I'm 40. Got my foot more than halfway to the grave. EAT. If the food doesn't kill me, the air certainly will...or maybe the water.
And on that note, can I just say that D has not eaten but maybe four bites of potato since she's been alive. I don't see any outstanding qualities in potato. Just a regular old starch that the body just doesn't need. I figure she'll have her fair share of potatoes when she gets older. No doubt in french fried form if she's anything like her mother. :o)

It must be love...

Yesterday was a great day. Dillon sneezed right into my face and into my mouth. Sweet.
Then as I was sitting down to dinner (we sit on the floor at the coffee table in front of the tv), Boulder came up and burped right into my face. I swear he blew out too! Gross.

Understanding mommy

D sometimes likes playing in the pots and pans cabinet that sits floor level with her. She likes to open and close the doors and reach in a see what she can find.
Well, yesterday when she was playing she pulled out a small saucepan and was holding it above her head (no doubt ready to toss it on the ground) when I caught eyesight of her and said, "Bao Bae, hsiao hsing (BB is her nickname and hsiao hsing means "be careful", which she knows)! Don't throw that on the ground (in Chinese)" And I kid you not, she complied!
And just so you know I didn't imagine it, I had mentioned it to Greg later in the evening and said to him, "I could've sworn she listened to me..." And he said, "Yes I saw that!"
Oh, and on that same understanding Chinese note, last night D was really into playing and hanging out with Boulder (our lovely bulldog) and she was crawling by him and sitting against him, etc. At one point she was patting him but a little on the heavier side so seemed more like hitting so I said, "Bao Bae, ching ching de" which means "lightly". However, the word "ching ching" also means kiss, which is apparently what she knows it as because then she was leaning her face in to kiss the DOG on the mouth!! Aack!
Super cute when I say, "Mama ching ching" and she leans in for a big smooch from me but not so cute when she is trying to smooch the dog. So now I just let her pat the dog however forcefully she likes. :oD

Yawning

Wait, are there any books out there that say, "After a certain age, say 1 year old maybe, yawning does not necessarily signify tiredness." No? Well they should...
I swear that ever since D turned one she will randomly yawn but then when I try to rush her off for a nap she goes bananas and is essentially trying to communicate that she is NOT tired.
But what's really good is that oftentimes when she does yawn and I catch her at it she stifles it or tries to mask that she just yawned. Is that the craziest thing?? Or am I just crazy?
Maybe a little bit of both. I'm not afraid to admit.

butternut squash

Oh yeah, and I remembered that I made what I thought was a pretty good dish that D liked - pureed butternut squash with brown rice and raisins! She seems to tend to like sweet dishes (what baby doesn't?) and this was healthy and had good texture.
I think I gave her avocado and some cubed cheese for her sides because butternut squash and sweet potato have similar textures so that would be boring. PLUS, that would be too much orange food going on.

Bacon fat...

Well now I've read that bacon fat (yes, lard) is good for the body. It's natural - as long as you buy the good kind of bacon that has no nitrates, organically grown, etc. I used Applegate Farms bacon and did some researching online and they seem pretty solid.
So, I made up the bacon and ate it myself. D tried some but it was too hard for her. I cooked up onions and chard in the bacon fat, pureed that and added it to her French lentils. Delicious!
I usually try to make sure she has her meal (what's described above) and two finger foods to pick at (cubed sweet potatoes, cubed zucchini, carrots, etc.) and I try to make that a variety too. A rainbow of foods for her at every meal to make sure she is getting all kinds of vitamins. And she ends every meal with fruit. Yesterday I served her pureed pear with raspberries and wheat germ for her fruit dessert.
And she snacks throughout the day because a) they tell you babies should snack, but also b) simply because I snack throughout the day so she often will eat what I eat. She will have an orange or some cheese, or some avocado. That sort of thing. Or the other day, we had some cheese and I bought a yummy chicken salad from our neighborhood organic market - chicken, mayo, cranberries, etc. She ate some of that.

smoothies and curry

Not together of course! Breakfast for D today was a spinach omelette with some shaved parm. The spinach I just cook in water with some garlic powder (she loves that) then run through food mill. Added to omelette and sprinkled the shaved parm on top after.
She also got a smoothie! Yes, because now she is perfecting drinking from a glass and the novelty of it just thrills her. So, thicker liquids work better for her than thin, obvi. So, today's smoothie was frozen blueberries, raspberries and cranberries, one banana, two pears and whole milk yogurt plus wheat germ. We all had the same smoothie, which also thrills D.
Lunch today is curried lentils. I used French (Puy) lentils but those aren't the greatest as they don't tend to soften. So, apparently, these lentils are great for adults and to put in salads. Whoops! I bought them cuz they sounded cool and would give D a change up from her usual red lentils. Didn't find out about their consistency til I looked up recipes online.
So, I cooked up the lentils with dried cranberries, but cooking until the cranberries are softened, then added curry seasonings - making it up as we go along (cumin, turmeric, coriander, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves). Also made some pureed peas and almonds to go with this.

Food

I must say I am so impressed with the stuff that I come up with to make for Dillon that I think I should just make this a baby food blog!
I want to share because hopefully I can inspire my gfs that are all popping out puppies so that when they are old enough to eat solids, they can refer to my blog for recipes! Oh, and of course for my dear Lo who is in the midst of solids feeding. ;oP (Err, um, I should just say for "ideas" as I don't cook with recipes. I just eyeball the amounts).
The other night I made cod for D. Pan fried it in olive oil and unsalted butter (if you can find raw butter, that would be best, but I too did not have so used reg). Then took it out of pan and "caramelized" onions in the butter/oil then added fresh chopped tomatoes. After the onions and tomats were cooked down then I put the fish back in the pan to soak up some of the flavors, added some black pepper and voila. Done. I served this to D the way it was because cod is a very buttery, light, flaky fish that she would not object to the texture. Didn't feed her the onions though. That was just for flavor. But did mix with brown rice so she'd get her grains.