Monday, June 20, 2011

Hsiao Peng Yo - Little Friend

D now has an imaginary friend. She started referring to it a few weeks ago but just now is getting really into it. For instance, every time we exit the house and get in the car, she wants me to put "Hsiao Peng Yo" into the car seat too. When she is eating, she wants me to lift HPY into the high chair as well.
It's kind of funny but also kind of tiresome sometimes when we keep having to remember to get "HPY". But the funny thing is - I'm trying to use HPY as a way to get D to really embrace sharing...and I don't know that it's working all that well. On the way home today D was eating some snacks and she kept asking, "What's HPY doing?" Finally I responded, "HPY is sitting next to you and she'd like to share your snacks."
D's response, "No! I can't share my snacks."
Me: Why?
D: Becaaaauuuuse. You give her snacks.
Fine, I will give her some snacks...blah.

BUT, sometimes it works in our favor because D always wants to be first so when she is goofing off (which is ALWAYS) as we prep to leave the house, I will say something like, "Okay, fine. Then I'm just going to put HPY's shoes on first." At that, D always comes running, "NOOOO! I have to put my shoes on first!" Done. Now we can exit the building.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Is it bad to offer your child "conditions", "If you don't take a nap then you won't get ice cream." But I don't like to dangle treats in front of her so I word it like so - "Honey, if you take a nap, when you wake you can have ice cream!" (It's banana ice cream btw, pure banana just frozen and put through the blender) And while she is having her fit and screaming, "muffin?? smoothie?? watermelon juice..." I am looking at her calmly and saying, "If you take a nap...only good babies that take naps get a smoothie..."
Is that bad? Is it just generally bad practice to bargain with your child? I'm not sure of the answer to that question. In my mind, I kind of think it is? But I'm not sure why?

In any case, I do appreciate D's ability to reason. Today, she decided she didn't want to take a nap. She went B-A-N-A-N-A-S when I put her in her in her crib. Usually, we just let her CIO a bit but this time she was taking it to the extreme and really digging in deep with her crying. Oh, I went to G to seek guidance and he was a stone - "She needs to sleep. Just let her cry."
But, alas, I tried to go in to reason with her. Got nowhere and then just ended up taking her out.

Truly, a wrong move because she was so whiney and cry-y...and then an email came in that said some of our mom friends were going to Fairytales, the book store, by our house for story time. Great! So, I told D we would go but first I'd have to clean up the kitchen. 2 seconds later, D asks if I can carry her. "Noooo...I have to clean the kitchen.." MELLLTDOWWWN. And, mind you G is on a work call so I drag her into her room and shut the door. At least if she's going to cry, G doesn't need to hear it. BANNNAANNAS again. She was out of control. I left her in there for all of one minute and then went in there to reason with her.
There was some REALLY loud talking by get my point across over her bawling. And really I am yelling at her because there is absolutely no reason for her bawling except for the fact that she didn't take her nap! And all she wants is for me to pick her up and hold her. So, I do. And then I carefully explain to her that Daddy is on the phone so she needs to be quiet. There is no reason for her to be crying so please be quiet. "I can take you outside with me but I can't carry you because I need to clean the kitchen. Will you be quiet and sit on your step stool?"
D - "Yeah"
Me - "Okay, I'm going to take you out there but if you start crying again I will put you right back in this room and shut the door."

And you know what? I got silence from her the entire time I was cleaning. G came out from his office for a moment wondering if I had put her down for a nap. He was shocked that she was just sitting there quietly. Isn't the power of reasoning a beautiful thing?


Okay, okaaay. I guess there are happy moments in motherhood and I am pretty tickled over the things that D does.
Just running this morning back through my mind: I am getting her ready to go to L's house where J will watch D, and three other kids this morning. By now, L pretty much expects some popcorn whenever he sees me or D. So I tell D to grab her backpack. Mommy's putting some stuff in there.
She gets it and sees what I am putting in.
I say, "Okay, we're going to fill your backpack up. See, here's some cottage cheese (her eyes light up), some fruit, then here's your spoon. Now we're putting the popcorn in and the blueberry muffins. She's getting really excited now. And then I get her sippy cup, fill with water and we're done. She wants to carry her backpack.
I say, "Are you sure? It's pretty heavy cuz it's got a lot of stuff in it."
She replies, "Yes!"
So she puts it on her back and we walk out the door.
When we get to Leif's house, I get her out of the car and remind her she needs her backpack. She throws it on her back and runs up to Leif. She says to Leif, "I've got a lot of stuff in here!" cute!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Well, it's been a while since I've posted. Mainly because all is going well but I just have days where I just want to E.S.C.A.P.E.
It's funny. This week a mother friend of mine emailed our MOMS group to ask "What's a good, inexpensive gift I can give my husband for Father's Day?" And a few moms replied - "I'm giving my hubby a day off. I will take the kids and get out of his hair so he can just have me time."
Well, I read that and thought, "WHAAA??! That's what I need!" G would not need that because he rarely ever spends alone time with D. In fact, that would've been a wonderful gift for me. Not that he wouldn't ever offer. I think I'm just afraid that if I get too much of that, I might NEVER come back. I might stay away forever. :oD

On a separate note, lately D has been taking some monster naps - around 3 hours. And then we still try to put her down around 7:30 or 8pm. Some days she just sits in there and sings and sings and talks and eventually goes to sleep. But today, she barely sang at all. I don't think she took a three hour nap, but I put her to bed by 8. We shall see if she actually sleeps until 6am. She woke up at 5am today. I mean, even though we have that sleep training clock, I'm still up just waiting for her to call me to take her to potty.
So, I'm thinking I am not being active enough for our little girl. Today, when she woke up from her nap, we took a walk to Bongo Java to have some steamed milk, then walked over to our neighbor's to hang out and walked home. Then walked over to our neighborhood bar with some friends for happy hour. Like I said, when I got her home, we took a quick shower, read a book and then straight to bed.
In contrast, for the two past nights D has been racing around the house like a mad woman after we change into her night clothes and before we sit down for book reading. Do you think that's her way of telling us she needs to burn more energy?? I guess this all goes along with the statement that mothers of three year olds make - that once they reach 3, they can't wait to go to school because they are so bored with you.
I'm really looking forward to getting D into school!! Yeay! ME TIME!!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Oh sadness

Motherhood is the one thing that just keeps reminding me of my shortcomings...
Today D was irritated by something her daddy was doing. She kept saying, "No, Dad!" but laughing and then when he wouldn't stop, she hit him.
He was M.A.D. So, he immediately reprimanded her and gave her a time out.
It is really hard to watch D in time out. He had her standing in the corner of the room facing the corner. She was crying her eyes out and calling out to me, of course.
I had to gently remind her that I could not go pick her up because she had hit her dad and that was not acceptable. Soo sad.
This particular incident, in and of itself, is not what really saddens me. What really saddens me is the fact that her temper, hot-headedness and tendency to lash out and thrash things is a result of watching me. I know this because she had exhibited this temper early when she was just maybe 10 months old. And at that time I realized she was acting out according to what she would see from me. Since then, I had really worked hard at controlling my temper and I have seen her temper diminish.
However, now that she is getting older I am finding it harder and harder to control my temper. And the fact that if she hits me, my quick reaction is to hit her back while saying, "See? That doesn't feel very good does it? So, don't hit mommy." Umm..WRONG. I know, I know it's wrong yet I am just not able to control myself. I mean, I am able to but am having a hard time remembering.
When she is doing something wrong, my automatic reaction is to smack her hand or her arm or her bottom to get my point across. Also probably to assuage my own temper.

AAAARRGGGHH!! I struggle. But I don't want her to suffer through time outs. It's so sad and I know it's because of me. The guilt...

Sunday, June 5, 2011

What did ______ say?

D currently likes to play this game where she asks, "What did ____ say?" And I answer her. At first it was her asking things like, "What did Hope say?" referring to when we were all together in LA.
I respond, "Hope says, 'yes, D...'"
But now this game has evolved to her asking things like, "What did the tree say? And I would respond something like, "The tree says, 'my leaves are falling!'"
What did the sink say?
The sink says, "Wash your hands"
That sort of thing.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Time out

G is more into giving D time outs than me. I just don't see the point in them...
He's put her in two time outs since she's been old enough to understand. One time, she was being bad so he took her into the other room and placed her on the sofa and told her not to move. She sat there talking and singing to herself.
The second time he put her in a sort of time out was when she was just going bananas, crying and crying inconsolably for no reason. So he put her on the blue sofa away from us and told her she could just sit there and cry. She then started crying for me...and I tried to reason with her. "D, why are you crying? If mommy comes to get you, will you stop crying?" That sort of thing. Can't remember what the turnout was but if G puts her in a time out, I do try not to interfere.
Tonight was a real time out. G was telling D not to bang her spoon on the table. She didn't listen. He then confiscated the spoon so she picks up her fork and starts banging, really slowly and deliberately! G flipped. Removed her from her high chair and stuck her in the corner looking straight at the wall and told her not to move.
Oh was quiet for a minute at which point, I was thinking, "It's not going to work. She's just going to sit there and play."
But, no, I was wrong. She started bawling. She was so sad and then started crying out for me. "Mama?! Mama?!..." I didn't quite know how to respond as I did not want to negate G's disciplining. But then she started crying, "Mama?! Mama?! Where arrre you?"
Awww, so sad!! So I got up and tried to reason with her. "D, daddy put you there because you were being bad. You have to listen to Daddy..." more crying.
Then I think G got sad because then he was trying to tell her that he will get her as soon as she stops crying.
I tell you...disciplining is some HARD WORK! I just...I just don't know how to do it sometimes. I get so frustrated at not knowing how to get her to listen sometimes. I don't know. I just don't know.