A bump in the road

Sure, I've experienced A LOT of bumps in my road to better motherhood. But today really takes the cake.

D has been sick and she has a runny nose. The constant sniffling is maddening but besides that, I really believe that if you blow the gunk out of your nose, the sooner you will get better because it's just getting all the gunk out instead of recirculating it through the throat and the mouth. Do you ever notice how you'd sniffle and then cough immediately? Cuz you are choking on your snot? Too graphic? Maybe, but I'm just explaining my thought process.

So today G and I have been trying our darnedest to get D to blow her nose since for some reason, she doesn't like to do it. Maybe just exercising her right to say No?

Anyhoo, we are going about our day, I ask D what she'd like to have for lunch. She says dim sum (her favorite). Then I'm asking her to blow her nose, she says no so I reply, "Then no dim sum." And daddy concurs. Then it keeps going on and on...D, if you don't blow your nose, you won't get a toothbrush from the dentist. If you don't blow your nose then we won't do this.

I mean, seriously. What is WRONG with us??

While we are in the car and D has fallen asleep I turn to G and say, "y'know, it doesn't feel good to do that to D. I don't want to put something in front of her only to snatch it away. That just doesn't feel right."

And G concurs.

After naptime, D still does not want to blow her nose.

I try a positive approach, "D, remember earlier this morning when mama asked you to blow your nose and you said no at first, but then you told me later that you were ready to blow your nose? Let's do that. Why don't you tell me when you want to blow your nose?"

She just responds, "No." So she's not doing it.

Still going along the day with her not blowing her nose, but constantly wiping her nose on her sleeve. Yuck.

Then, we are sitting in her room playing and I finally say, "D, it's fine if you don't blow your nose, but I can't stand to listen to it so I have to leave."

D: No, don't leave!

Me: Well, will you blow your nose?

D: No.

Me: Well, then I have to go

And I promptly get up and leave the room.

What is wrong with me? Really. What is wrong with me?? Some might think - It's a control thing. But it's not! I just don't know why she won't do something that is good for her and will make her feel better??

She ends up just sitting in her room. She doesn't move. She is clearly not happy but she's not going to cry about it.

Later, I have to go to the market and I'm surprise to find her sitting in the same spot where I left her (about 10 minutes ago...not like her) and I say, "D would you like to come with me to the market?"

I see her eyes. She is sad. She wants to say yes, but she is hesitant because she doesn't want this to be another incident where I say she has to blow her nose first.

Oh, when I see the sadness in her eyes, it just kills me. I am such a horrible mother sometimes!! Tomorrow I will speak to her. I will tell her that what I did made me feel terrible and I don't want to do that again. I love her too much.

Losin' it

It seems I often have a lower level of patience when G is not around...not sure why but I do and I find myself screaming at D when she is misbehaving or just not listening.

Case in point, the other morning she wants to go outside and play and I tell her, "No, you cannot because we have to go to school."

She says, "I don't want to go to school."

I try to reason with her, all sweet and such, "Whaat? But you love school. Don't we love Miss Candice?"

She shakes her head no. I am at a loss for words. How do you reply to that in a positive way?? Do you know? Because I certainly did not.

Somehow, things got outta control and I am screaming at her telling her that if she doesn't go to school, then she can just stand in the living room by herself, no one is going to play with her...I'm slamming doors, she is crying.

Sigh.

Yup, I do A LOT of sighing as a parent. A lot of sighing and a lot of crying on the inside because I just don't know what to do sometimes....

Anyhooo, we get things all squared away, she goes to school albeit 30 minutes late. But, truly there was just no way to justify, "Okay, fine. Don't go to school then." Hello? Not an option.

Later in the afternoon, D's in her car seat and from behind me she says, "Mom, are you sorry you lost your temper earlier today?"

Whaat?! Wherrrree?? WhOOOO?? Yeah.

And I replied, "Yes. I'm very sorry I lost my temper but I was really upset that you were fighting me and not wanting to go to school."

It's crazy.

I mean, yes, both G and I might lose our tempers sometimes and yes voices might get raised and we usually will apologize to D afterwards that we are sorry we lost our tempers and try to explain things to her in an adult fashion.

It's amazing to me that she now puts the concept together and can ask me if I'm sorry. Crazy I tell ya. Just crazy.

Why this? why that?

Ugggh! Reading to D these days can be soo tedious. I mean, yes, of course I love reading to my child but she's always asking questions and sometimes, I just want to get through the book and put her to bed...does anyone else feel me??

Please and thank you

I had a friend over today...her daughter said, "do it again!" after she was spinning her around and V responded, "Do it again please" but then thought better of it and said, "No, it's okay. You don't have to say please." And then looked to me and said, "A friend of mine was saying, 'why have them say please at this age? They don't understand why they are doing it so you are essentially having them act like robots. And are you having them say please for themselves or for you?'"

I didn't agree with that. I argued that "please" and "thank you" are just proper etiquette. And you have a child say it because you want them to learn early on how to be polite. My reasoning was that it doesn't matter if they don't understand why they are doing it. It is proper and when they grow old enough to understand then they will have already developed proper etiquette.

And V had countered with, "yeah, but that is all so 50's-ish...back in the day."

And I retorted, and that is the problem with society today. This casualness so that children these days don't understand respect. They don't give their teachers or any adults any respect.

In my opinion there is less learning being accomplished in schools today because we have these "new agey" parent types that expect children to "parent" themselves (because we don't want to harm their self-esteem) and of course they can't because they don't have the ability so they go to school and teachers are now spending a good portion of their time trying to get children to sit and listen. Teachers now have to attempt to "parent" 30-40 children all of varying backgrounds and temperaments, how are they even expected to do their jobs?

But I can jump on that soap box all day. It really is something that wears on my brain. How incompetent our school system is and how are we even allowing this to continue? Why aren't more parents up in arms about this situation?

Here is my issue: I can send my child to a private school. But what about the thousands of parents that don't have that luxury? And the children that are suffering because of it? These children are our future. Why are there not more people (in higher level positions, positions that could really affect change) more concerned about the well-being of their "neighbors"? Why aren't there more Bill Gateses out there?