THAT is what I can't stand about motherhood! The constant unknown...we had a trying evening today. Dillon is particularly cranky and nothing was helping. She didn't have a dirty diaper, she's not hungry and she's crying even if we try to soothe her and put her to bed. She's TIRED but just won't go down. Finally, we'll put her to sleep and then suddenly she wakes herself up without any outside influence! And she's crying again.
Now, that is all old hat to parents. Yeah, we don't mind that she's crying and realize that babies will just have fussy moments. However, she's crying and well..the last time she was crying and fussy was when she was starving!! So, obviously we are paranoid and now that my breast milk is coming in, she's been eating more breast milk and less formula. But since there is NO WAY TO MEASURE breast milk...WHO CAN KNOW if she's getting enough. Hello? Can you tell by my CAPS that I am thoroughly annoyed with the great unknown? It is most unnerving!
Those of you who know me, know that I know no stress. I have not had a stressful moment ever in my life...okay, except once over a PR event. Fine. But relatively stress free. And this..this is just not right. Now I am very paranoid. Is my daughter getting enough? Because she is literally weaning herself off the formula. I really feel like my milk is coming in better...but of course we won't know til we weigh her again. Maybe this Friday. Uggh.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Who let the dogs out
It is 8 in the morning. Greg is feeding Dillon formula which tends to give her gas. He'll stop every so often to help her get her gas out, all the while singing, "who let the gas out...who,who..." I should Twitter
Sunday, March 29, 2009
False alarm
Oh, D still takes to the bottle. She's just fussy cuz she's going through a growth spurt and everything pisses her off. She is like, how do I put in chinese - "Fa sen jing bing..." which literally translates to "developing a psychological disorder", short translation? She is CRAZY..coo coo. And, it's kind of funny because we keep her swaddled which is sort of like a straight jacket! She has her arms pinned to her side and is wrapped up tightly like a burrito. It makes them feel secure and helps them sleep better. Um, again, coo coo..
This morning, GREG is exercising tough love (shocker!). I wouldn't have thought Greg had the heart to let his daughter cry it out. He let it happen and indeed, she did have a good go at crying and then fell asleep on her swing chair. Not bad...go dad.
And by the way, I don't know if anybody else notices this, or even does this but everything seems to turn into a song when you have a baby. We talk to her in song. "Bao Bao schway jiao jiao, Bao Bao schway jiao jiao" is the song I sing sometimes to get her to sleep. Bao Bao is a nickname like little baby and "schway jiao" is sleep. I just add another jiao at the end of it and you can even see that I've made a little rhyme. Yes, we sing about everything. Greg is singing to Dillon that she made a poop. Everything is a song.
This morning, GREG is exercising tough love (shocker!). I wouldn't have thought Greg had the heart to let his daughter cry it out. He let it happen and indeed, she did have a good go at crying and then fell asleep on her swing chair. Not bad...go dad.
And by the way, I don't know if anybody else notices this, or even does this but everything seems to turn into a song when you have a baby. We talk to her in song. "Bao Bao schway jiao jiao, Bao Bao schway jiao jiao" is the song I sing sometimes to get her to sleep. Bao Bao is a nickname like little baby and "schway jiao" is sleep. I just add another jiao at the end of it and you can even see that I've made a little rhyme. Yes, we sing about everything. Greg is singing to Dillon that she made a poop. Everything is a song.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Newsflash!!
Hello, my girl Lo just called me a sucker mom. Apparently, I am because the other day as I was shushing til my face turned blue and rocking back and forth, Dillon just continued to cry and fuss. Finally, I got to the point that I just could not do it anymore so I stopped, looked at her and said, "Well, Dillon, I don't know what to tell ya, but I can't do that anymore. I am tapped out. You are just going to have to deal." So, I started just walking, no shushing and just talking to her softly and kind of humming and WHAT DO YOU KNOW? The old girl fell right asleep! Translation: "Okay, fine mom. If you aren't going to act like a fool to get me to go to bed, I guess I'm tired now anyway so I'll just go to sleep. Until next time, Sucka!"
Like I said...I'm gonna get her back when she is older...
Now onto more important things. Dillon has just now decided she HATES the bottle! She fights and cries and writhes and kicks when we try to give her the bottle! OH NOOO!! We are so stressed out b/c she needs her formula! Why in the world would a baby take to a bottle so perfectly for almost three weeks and then all of a sudden hate it? Oh my, I am beside myself. I mean, I would feed her my boob but that only gives so much milk and then she's starving, no? Ayayay...babies. And, uh, forget about poor Dillon, POOR ME and my boobs!!! How is this going to support my pro formula cause?
Like I said...I'm gonna get her back when she is older...
Now onto more important things. Dillon has just now decided she HATES the bottle! She fights and cries and writhes and kicks when we try to give her the bottle! OH NOOO!! We are so stressed out b/c she needs her formula! Why in the world would a baby take to a bottle so perfectly for almost three weeks and then all of a sudden hate it? Oh my, I am beside myself. I mean, I would feed her my boob but that only gives so much milk and then she's starving, no? Ayayay...babies. And, uh, forget about poor Dillon, POOR ME and my boobs!!! How is this going to support my pro formula cause?
Thursday, March 26, 2009
some kind of joke
As I was shushing Dillon for the umpteenth time, marching and swaying in place nearly passing out from the shushing, I looked at her face and while she is looking away she gets this big smile on her face and lets some air out of her lungs that makes it look and sound like she is laughing at me! I had to stop and crack up. Is she playing a joke on me?? Haha Ma, yeah...keep shushing and moving...you need the exercise and I am very amused.
I'll get her back when she is older.
I'll get her back when she is older.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Venting
I need to vent! We have chosen a pediatrician group that I now don't necessarily agree with. At the time, what we neglected to ask when we were interviewing pediatricians was, "what are your thoughts on breast feeding and on formula?" The answer I would be looking for is, "Breast feeding is best for the child, of course, but am not opposed to formula feeding should the mother not be able to produce or something else might occur that prevents breast feeding."
In neglecting to ask this question, we have settled on a pediatrician group that champions breast feeding and tries to steer away from formula. We didn't find that out until a few weeks ago when our hospital mentioned to us that the reason why Dillon's jaundice has not gone away might be because the best way to flush out jaundice is with formula and Maryland Farms Pediatrics is known to be pro breast milk.
Of course we never thought to ask because we too wanted to breast feed. I had never even thought that I might not be able to produce enough breast milk.
Anyhow, we just went in for her follow-up drs visit and like I said, she now weighs 8lbs, 5 oz. The dr then said, "She now is at standard weight for her age so you can stop supplementing with formula. Your milk should be fine. Of course, she will let you know if she is still hungry so you can go ahead and supplement. But, she should be fine."
Greg, of course, heard that and was all for it. Wanting to not feed Dillon formula if not necessary. (What is with the aversion to formula??)
However, might I mention that this thinking is what got us in this mess to begin with! Dillon, for the most part was never super fussy. She would fuss when she was hungry and we always just thought, "Oh she must be hungry so let's put her on the breast." We have to remember that that does not work. We kind of did not feed her too much formula yesterday, having just gotten back from the drs and being mislead.
Today, I am tracking her feeding fusses and she is fussing about every two hours if not less. At her age, almost 6 weeks, she should be feeding 6-8 times a day so that's 3-4 hours between feedings and eating 4-5ozs at each feeding. You can't measure breast milk but if she is getting enough we should have 3-4 hours between feedings. Today, I supplemented her after feeding from the breast and she took in 2 ozs of formula. Then was hungry again 3 hours later. I fed her just formula and she took in 5 ozs! I am not going to stop supplementing Dillon with formula. Why can't Greg just accept that I am not producing enough milk to forego formula? Annoying.
In neglecting to ask this question, we have settled on a pediatrician group that champions breast feeding and tries to steer away from formula. We didn't find that out until a few weeks ago when our hospital mentioned to us that the reason why Dillon's jaundice has not gone away might be because the best way to flush out jaundice is with formula and Maryland Farms Pediatrics is known to be pro breast milk.
Of course we never thought to ask because we too wanted to breast feed. I had never even thought that I might not be able to produce enough breast milk.
Anyhow, we just went in for her follow-up drs visit and like I said, she now weighs 8lbs, 5 oz. The dr then said, "She now is at standard weight for her age so you can stop supplementing with formula. Your milk should be fine. Of course, she will let you know if she is still hungry so you can go ahead and supplement. But, she should be fine."
Greg, of course, heard that and was all for it. Wanting to not feed Dillon formula if not necessary. (What is with the aversion to formula??)
However, might I mention that this thinking is what got us in this mess to begin with! Dillon, for the most part was never super fussy. She would fuss when she was hungry and we always just thought, "Oh she must be hungry so let's put her on the breast." We have to remember that that does not work. We kind of did not feed her too much formula yesterday, having just gotten back from the drs and being mislead.
Today, I am tracking her feeding fusses and she is fussing about every two hours if not less. At her age, almost 6 weeks, she should be feeding 6-8 times a day so that's 3-4 hours between feedings and eating 4-5ozs at each feeding. You can't measure breast milk but if she is getting enough we should have 3-4 hours between feedings. Today, I supplemented her after feeding from the breast and she took in 2 ozs of formula. Then was hungry again 3 hours later. I fed her just formula and she took in 5 ozs! I am not going to stop supplementing Dillon with formula. Why can't Greg just accept that I am not producing enough milk to forego formula? Annoying.
Dillon's Rules of Survival
Mommy survival that is.
1. Never wake a sleeping baby (to change her diapers). Just let her stew in it.
2. If she wakes up crying and rooting and has a dirty diaper, FEED HER first.
3. When lulling to sleep, please keep moving at all times and shush until you are ready to pass out.
4. Always change her diaper before leaving the house.
5. And be prepared to change her diaper right when you leave the house if she is in her stroller as she will have peed again just as you walk out the door. And, start wailing just as you step off the porch.
6. If she is very tired and a bit cranky, best to pass off to dad to lull to sleep. Otherwise, sleeping will take twice as long.
7. When sleeping on the body do not try to lie down. Just sit up because lying down is not comfortable for baby.
8. When feeding make sure you maintain eye contact. Looking away and ignoring baby just irritates her.
9. Do not put a sleeping baby down in less than 20 minutes time and only carefully on the boppy. The pack n' play bassinet is too big for her liking.
10. When riding in the stroller, do not stop. Keep moving or daddy can take the car seat out and swing her while the stroller is stopped.
1. Never wake a sleeping baby (to change her diapers). Just let her stew in it.
2. If she wakes up crying and rooting and has a dirty diaper, FEED HER first.
3. When lulling to sleep, please keep moving at all times and shush until you are ready to pass out.
4. Always change her diaper before leaving the house.
5. And be prepared to change her diaper right when you leave the house if she is in her stroller as she will have peed again just as you walk out the door. And, start wailing just as you step off the porch.
6. If she is very tired and a bit cranky, best to pass off to dad to lull to sleep. Otherwise, sleeping will take twice as long.
7. When sleeping on the body do not try to lie down. Just sit up because lying down is not comfortable for baby.
8. When feeding make sure you maintain eye contact. Looking away and ignoring baby just irritates her.
9. Do not put a sleeping baby down in less than 20 minutes time and only carefully on the boppy. The pack n' play bassinet is too big for her liking.
10. When riding in the stroller, do not stop. Keep moving or daddy can take the car seat out and swing her while the stroller is stopped.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Growing!
Dillon went to the ped's today for a follow up visit. She weighed 8lb 5oz! Yippee! It seems she is now up to standard weight for her age. Phew!
And another thing that falls under the subject line "Growing"...This girl is kinda growing on me. I kinda love her now. :o)
Dare I say that I didn't know how I felt about her when we first brought her home. She was just a lump that ate, pooped, slept and was fussy and stayed on my boob 24/7. But I knew I'd be this way because I've never loved babies. And despite what people say, "Ohhh, you'll love your own." No, I didn't. I felt responsible for her, yes. But I didn't have that overwhelming feeling of love. But now I am growing to love her. I'm a bit obsessed, yes. I think she is the cutest thing ever to walk this planet. And, you know what? When we are with people and they comment on how cute she is, am I modest? No, I gush, "I KNOW! ISN'T SHE? She is the cutest!" Hahah...ridiculous.
However, I still feel awkward referring to myself as a mother. Now, that is just asking too much. And calling her my daughter? Weird. I don't ever want to grow up and own up to the gargantuan task that comes along with the title of mom. Eeks! Guess I shoulda thought about that one before having the baby?
And another thing that falls under the subject line "Growing"...This girl is kinda growing on me. I kinda love her now. :o)
Dare I say that I didn't know how I felt about her when we first brought her home. She was just a lump that ate, pooped, slept and was fussy and stayed on my boob 24/7. But I knew I'd be this way because I've never loved babies. And despite what people say, "Ohhh, you'll love your own." No, I didn't. I felt responsible for her, yes. But I didn't have that overwhelming feeling of love. But now I am growing to love her. I'm a bit obsessed, yes. I think she is the cutest thing ever to walk this planet. And, you know what? When we are with people and they comment on how cute she is, am I modest? No, I gush, "I KNOW! ISN'T SHE? She is the cutest!" Hahah...ridiculous.
However, I still feel awkward referring to myself as a mother. Now, that is just asking too much. And calling her my daughter? Weird. I don't ever want to grow up and own up to the gargantuan task that comes along with the title of mom. Eeks! Guess I shoulda thought about that one before having the baby?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Formula
Could formula be the miracle juice? Not sure, but ever since we started feeding Dillon the formula, she's in much better spirits, cuter than a button and so fun to play with aaannnddd...tonight, for the first time she has slept soundly in her bassinet! This girl seemed to hate sleeping on her back! Or, maybe it's just because she's super tired. I'm not sure which. Hmm...I don't know but I'm starting to really like this formula supplementing deal. :o)
By the way, have I mentioned how TIRED I am? I think formula might take longer to feed to her? It seems like I am up longer feeding her in the middle of the night and then burping her. Oh well, totally worth it if she's full and gaining weight! Wheeee!
By the way, have I mentioned how TIRED I am? I think formula might take longer to feed to her? It seems like I am up longer feeding her in the middle of the night and then burping her. Oh well, totally worth it if she's full and gaining weight! Wheeee!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Ya learn something new every day
Note to us, always venture to give D a bath after her belly is full and she is in her food coma stage...not an hour after feeding and playing with her. She didn't like that very much!
W-A-I-L-I-N-G...so much so that even the dogs were distressed and couldn't calm down even after she'd calmed down. Usually, they just ignore her since she has been disturbing their quiet worlds ever since she got here. :o)
On the flip side, she zonked right out immediately after. We are talking not even five minutes after.
W-A-I-L-I-N-G...so much so that even the dogs were distressed and couldn't calm down even after she'd calmed down. Usually, they just ignore her since she has been disturbing their quiet worlds ever since she got here. :o)
On the flip side, she zonked right out immediately after. We are talking not even five minutes after.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Dad
Heehee! I love that first picture! How funny is it? And in the third pic do you see how her eyebrows are furled because she's not quite sure what to make of her binky and I don't think she loves it. The last pic - is her contemplating why in the world mommy and daddy starved her for the past two weeks and how can she continue to gain weight...hahah!Okay, the subject of the post is "Dad" because I am continually amazed at how intuitive Greg is as a father. He is so in tune with Dillon's needs. We got the Dunstan baby language DVD and he is really good at hearing her cries and being able to decipher what it is she needs. As I said before, he is really good at pacifying her and just knows what her needs are.
Last night, she was being particularly fussy and didn't want to take the bottle. She was crying and just so upset. I had no clue and Greg said, "honey, I think maybe she is just too upset to eat. Maybe you should put her on your boob first and then try feeding her the bottle." Hello? Magic. That is exactly what she needed. She needed to calm down first on my breast and then she could concentrate on eating. I mean, I am truly blessed. I think fate works in the weirdest way because a person like me needs a man like Greg in order to put a child into this world. I haven't hardly the slightest clue so if I were paired with a man who had no clue, then our child would have no chance in this world. As it is, Dillon is very lucky because her father is so in tuned with her!! Guess those "buddhist necklaces" around her neck at birth really are lucky!
Of course...might I add...had I not met Greg, I would've made a GREAT mom to a grown child who's father was a divorcee and I was the stepmom. Hehehe. That would've been my plan after my divorce for the next man I meet. Then Greg came along...sigh.
Back to the dr's
We went back to the doctor's today for a check up for the little tyke. She gained 11 ozs over the weekend! She was an eating fiend!! It's been a whirlwind, feeding her breast milk, feeding her formula, pumping and pumping and more pumping...sheesh! But it's all paying off. We are fattening up our little princess in no time! Skinny models be damned! Hehehe!
Btw, hello...she is like a new person on formula. Well, new person just because her stomach is finally full! She hangs out, is happy. She is now even able to smile when you smile at her. It's the cutest thing! I am ridiculous. I know. I think everything she does is cute. Even when she cries. Uh-oh...am I going through the "change"? No...I can't. My heart is cold as ice, remember? Hehehe!
Conventional wisdom is not for me. I say, bring on the epidural! Bring on the c-section! Bring on the formula! Everything else...natural childbirth and breastfeeding was formulated to keep the woman in her place and torture her. No? This stupid male dominated world...hahaha! I hate men..and it's a stupid man who got me into this predicament to begin with!
And her bilirubin level (which was at 20 on Saturday) has dropped to 12.9! Thanks to all the flushing out that has been happening with the formula feeding. Formula feeding is really the best way to get rid of jaundice b/c it has the most water. She is peeing like an ocean's worth! And her poops are often explosive. Going through a lot of clothes these days. What fun! Today, we were changing her diaper and she had some poo. Then she started pooping while I was changing her! And THEN when I put the fresh diaper down and was trying to clean her just a little bit more, she pooped AGAIN! on the new diaper and all over my hand. Fun times!
Btw, hello...she is like a new person on formula. Well, new person just because her stomach is finally full! She hangs out, is happy. She is now even able to smile when you smile at her. It's the cutest thing! I am ridiculous. I know. I think everything she does is cute. Even when she cries. Uh-oh...am I going through the "change"? No...I can't. My heart is cold as ice, remember? Hehehe!
Conventional wisdom is not for me. I say, bring on the epidural! Bring on the c-section! Bring on the formula! Everything else...natural childbirth and breastfeeding was formulated to keep the woman in her place and torture her. No? This stupid male dominated world...hahaha! I hate men..and it's a stupid man who got me into this predicament to begin with!
And her bilirubin level (which was at 20 on Saturday) has dropped to 12.9! Thanks to all the flushing out that has been happening with the formula feeding. Formula feeding is really the best way to get rid of jaundice b/c it has the most water. She is peeing like an ocean's worth! And her poops are often explosive. Going through a lot of clothes these days. What fun! Today, we were changing her diaper and she had some poo. Then she started pooping while I was changing her! And THEN when I put the fresh diaper down and was trying to clean her just a little bit more, she pooped AGAIN! on the new diaper and all over my hand. Fun times!
Mayday! Mayday! Shout out to Auntie Lo...
Look at how her head is hangin in the car seat! Is this dangerous?? Look at how cute her little fist is by her head. I could just eat her up! Then I wouldn't have to worry about her weight gain, or lack thereof? heheh.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
And the challenges continue
So...we went in for Dillon's one month baby appt yesterday. Poor girl only gained 5 ozs in two weeks! That is very, very poor. She's supposed to be gaining an ounce a day so 7 ozs per week! GASP!! Yes, I am now Mommie Dearest. We have been starving our precious child! NO WONDER she's been crying all the time and always wanting to be on the breast! I am appauled at this revelation. For the past two weeks, G and I have been convincing ourselves that she definitely feels heavier. Look, she's longer. She must be putting on weight...well, she did grow an inch and a quarter so we're pretty happy about that, but the rest, not so great.
We need to figure out if it's my milk supply that is insufficient or whether it's her latching technique. We saw a lactation specialist today who thinks it might be a little bit of both. Apparently, you are supposed to be drinking mad amounts of water when you are breastfeeding and, well...water has never really been part of my daily dietary routine. I don't really like water, nor do I like peeing and I've been able to get by for the past 38 years without drinking an excessive amount of water so I just forget to drink water. Now, I am trying to down water like it's going out of style. I am also taking Fenugreek, an herbal supplement known to increase milk supply (Lo? Did you say you took it? I am taking a liquid form, not tablet) and also drinking this herbal tea called Mother's Milk that the lady at the organic market swears by.
We are breast feeding, then pumping (to measure how much I am producing) and also supplementing her feedings with formula. And to add make matters worse, Dillon had jaundice when she was in the hospital and after 24 hours under the sun lamps, her bilirubin levels were decreasing, but now with the lack of caloric intake, it seems her bilirubin levels have gone up. Her condition is not dire, she's actually quite healthy and after a blood test they have determined that her liver is functioning properly, but she is still quite yellow. So, this weekend we have to increase her calories by A LOT and then she's off to see the dr again on Monday.
My oh my are there challenges to being a parent...however, I ain't gonna complain because my friend, Lo...she's had much tougher challenges with her son so who am I to complain???
...Just tellin it like it is...here at La Casa Tung...Castle de Princess Dillon. Hahah.
We need to figure out if it's my milk supply that is insufficient or whether it's her latching technique. We saw a lactation specialist today who thinks it might be a little bit of both. Apparently, you are supposed to be drinking mad amounts of water when you are breastfeeding and, well...water has never really been part of my daily dietary routine. I don't really like water, nor do I like peeing and I've been able to get by for the past 38 years without drinking an excessive amount of water so I just forget to drink water. Now, I am trying to down water like it's going out of style. I am also taking Fenugreek, an herbal supplement known to increase milk supply (Lo? Did you say you took it? I am taking a liquid form, not tablet) and also drinking this herbal tea called Mother's Milk that the lady at the organic market swears by.
We are breast feeding, then pumping (to measure how much I am producing) and also supplementing her feedings with formula. And to add make matters worse, Dillon had jaundice when she was in the hospital and after 24 hours under the sun lamps, her bilirubin levels were decreasing, but now with the lack of caloric intake, it seems her bilirubin levels have gone up. Her condition is not dire, she's actually quite healthy and after a blood test they have determined that her liver is functioning properly, but she is still quite yellow. So, this weekend we have to increase her calories by A LOT and then she's off to see the dr again on Monday.
My oh my are there challenges to being a parent...however, I ain't gonna complain because my friend, Lo...she's had much tougher challenges with her son so who am I to complain???
...Just tellin it like it is...here at La Casa Tung...Castle de Princess Dillon. Hahah.
Funny pics
Okay..please excuse the boob shot, but I had to share this photo! Here is Miss Dillon drinking milk and plotting how to take over the world. Do you see how her hands are clasped? So funny!And the bottom photo is Dillon using her mom's finger as a paci! Is it just me or does she sort of resemble one of those toy trolls? If you were to replace her hair with wild neon colored hair that sticks out in all directions, you'd get a troll...no?
Oh, and thanks to my friend L I changed my pen name back to Tellin it like it is. :o) Thanks Lo!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
New name
Yeah...I just changed my profile name. Yeah, I was "Tellin It Like It Is", but let's be honest here...I'm tellin it like a begrudged mother, really. Most moms love being a mom and relish every moment with their newborn. I'm not gonna lie...right now I am a begrudging mother. I love my daughter. Oh, for sure! She is adorable and does the funniest things and her facial expressions just make me laugh out loud. But mommyhood...not so much for me right now as she is just a blob. The thing is, there is nothing more disheartening than having a wailing baby in your arms, knowing she is looking to you to comfort her and not knowing what you can do to ease her discomfort! Yes, I am begrudged right now, but that doesn't prevent me from enjoying Dillon. She is a riot...
1 month today!!
Dillon is one month old today!! Hallelujah! Not that any major milestone has been met or anything...Greg was raving about her cognitive skills this morning...I know she's eating a lot...and being less consolable...but more alert when she is fed and changed and not gassy or tired or irritated.
Hmmm..to me, every day seems like an eternity. As Dillon grows and gets more needy, so too do my first babies, Boulder and Rocky. They both are letting me know loud and clear that they are not happy with this new addition taking up so much of my time. Boulder sits and growls at me when my hands are full cradling Dillon and feeding her. And whenever Dillon is crying and we are tending to her, Rocky runs to grab his toy and cries and tries to push the toy in our laps so we play with him and not the baby. It breaks my heart not to be able to spend more time with the boys. I mean, they are not young. They need attention too. That may be why I am feeling so anxious to have Dillon up and running!!!!! Sadly, I also know that she won't be self-reliant until a year or two...and frankly, it gives me heart palpitations to think of that because all I can think about is time running down on my puppies! And we all know that these boys are my LIFE.
I wasn't thinking when I set out to get pregnant...but then again, I'm not getting any younger...but I also could not have even fathomed the effect this baby would have on the boys. It is a sad situation for me. I am feeling sad today.
Hmmm..to me, every day seems like an eternity. As Dillon grows and gets more needy, so too do my first babies, Boulder and Rocky. They both are letting me know loud and clear that they are not happy with this new addition taking up so much of my time. Boulder sits and growls at me when my hands are full cradling Dillon and feeding her. And whenever Dillon is crying and we are tending to her, Rocky runs to grab his toy and cries and tries to push the toy in our laps so we play with him and not the baby. It breaks my heart not to be able to spend more time with the boys. I mean, they are not young. They need attention too. That may be why I am feeling so anxious to have Dillon up and running!!!!! Sadly, I also know that she won't be self-reliant until a year or two...and frankly, it gives me heart palpitations to think of that because all I can think about is time running down on my puppies! And we all know that these boys are my LIFE.
I wasn't thinking when I set out to get pregnant...but then again, I'm not getting any younger...but I also could not have even fathomed the effect this baby would have on the boys. It is a sad situation for me. I am feeling sad today.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
HIGH-LARIOUS!
Okay...I don't know if everyone can see these pictures well enough but this is hilarious. I am literally crying from laughing so hard! A friend posted this link into FB...I wasn't sure the link would work so I just copied and pasted it. soo funny!! HAHAHAHA!!!
Cries
Hmm...do we think that as babies get a little older, their cries get more intense? And louder? Like wailing? Dillon's cries are so much more intense now! It's unnerving because I am just so worried that she's wailing because she is soo uncomfortable. Something is not agreeing with her. But, could it be that she is just building up her set of lungs and now her cries are just more intense as she gets older? I'm hoping that is the case. It's so very sad to hear her crying so hard. Poor baby.
Is it bad that every day seems like a year to me?? My gf Michelle promises that it gets better around 3 months, but I'm reading that babies' necks don't fully stiffen until 6 months! I'm pretty sure THAT'S when things will really start to get better. I don't know what would make 3 months any different than month 1? Well, except for the fact that I will probably start pumping my breastmilk soon so that might make a world of difference for me. And as we become better accustomed to being parents, I guess it might get easier as well.
And as an addition to the last entry...just tried to slip on a pair of my jeans. Newsflash! My ass is still large and so I do not fit into my jeans yet. Sigh...
Oh and swinging chair! Everyone says the swinging chair is a life saver! You will have to get one. That and a boppy chair that vibrates. What they don't tell you is at what age it will serve its usefulness. We tried to put Dillon in the swinging chair several times a few weeks ago. No good. I think at two weeks of age, she is still too young. In fact, I think for the first month of a baby's life at home, the best thing might just be being on either the mom or dad's body. It's where they are most comfortable. We just tried putting Dillon down in her swing chair today, fed and changed and she was pretty content to just sit and zone and then fell asleep (with the white noise machine on next to her). It might still be too early for her to really appreciate the swing chair, but we tried anyway. I'm thinking 2-3 months of age might be appropriate for these chairs because then the baby is more alert and able to focus more and appreciate the swinging, the vibrating and the moving mobiles above her head. Right now even, she's still just adjusting to the world, no? I don't know, but I sure am relieved she took to the swinging chair right now. Hehehe..
Is it bad that every day seems like a year to me?? My gf Michelle promises that it gets better around 3 months, but I'm reading that babies' necks don't fully stiffen until 6 months! I'm pretty sure THAT'S when things will really start to get better. I don't know what would make 3 months any different than month 1? Well, except for the fact that I will probably start pumping my breastmilk soon so that might make a world of difference for me. And as we become better accustomed to being parents, I guess it might get easier as well.
And as an addition to the last entry...just tried to slip on a pair of my jeans. Newsflash! My ass is still large and so I do not fit into my jeans yet. Sigh...
Oh and swinging chair! Everyone says the swinging chair is a life saver! You will have to get one. That and a boppy chair that vibrates. What they don't tell you is at what age it will serve its usefulness. We tried to put Dillon in the swinging chair several times a few weeks ago. No good. I think at two weeks of age, she is still too young. In fact, I think for the first month of a baby's life at home, the best thing might just be being on either the mom or dad's body. It's where they are most comfortable. We just tried putting Dillon down in her swing chair today, fed and changed and she was pretty content to just sit and zone and then fell asleep (with the white noise machine on next to her). It might still be too early for her to really appreciate the swing chair, but we tried anyway. I'm thinking 2-3 months of age might be appropriate for these chairs because then the baby is more alert and able to focus more and appreciate the swinging, the vibrating and the moving mobiles above her head. Right now even, she's still just adjusting to the world, no? I don't know, but I sure am relieved she took to the swinging chair right now. Hehehe..
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Flab
HAHAHA! Another funny photo.Of course, the subject line has nothing to do with this photo. I just thought I'd throw this picture in so everyone could have a good laugh! Hahah!
Now back to flab - have I talked about my post pregnancy body? I feel like I've lost most of the weight. At least I think I've lost the 500 lb belly that Dillon lived and grew in for the past 10 months...but, perhaps not as much as I'd like. I have not weighed myself because I refuse to do so, however, yesterday morning, I was out walking the dogs and occasionally, the babies like to run so I trotted a little bit with them. Now, mind you, I am now wearing a night time nursing bra so it's like a tank bra without any underwire support. It's a very comfortable bra. Uhh, when I started trotting, I felt my boobs jumpin up and down AND my belly fat! It was like this layer of skin that bounced when I ran! A bit horrified, I was and really it was quite an uncomfortable feeling. Ewww...guess I'll be jumping on my bike before I put on my running shoes for exercise.
crazy town
What kind of mother would I be if I didn't post funny pics of Dillon?? Certainly not a mother with a sense of humor! I think the poor girl has her father's hair. Is it me or is her hair a bit crazy town?? She has rocker hair. Perfect for a boy...Auntie Miki came to visit this weekend and had showed up wearing ugg boots - the perfunctory shoe of choice for LA girls...so of course that reminded me that D's auntie Marion got her some super cute uggs and they are for 0-3 month babies. I thought the uggs would look cute with her pink polka dotted onesie! HAHAHA! We got a good laugh out of this. Does she kind of look like a lumberjack??
Tiny
This might be my favorite picture of D and G. It's rare that I really take the time to look at them when G's got her. I'm usually off doing my own thing - like hangin with the puppies. Today, I was so tired so I had come back upstairs to nap a little. It was really nice to watch Dillon sleeping on Greg. She really is quite precious. She moves her mouth in little o shapes like she's suckling a nipple and then she'll break out into a smile. Look at how tiny she is lying on G! Itty bitty.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
A looong day
Dillon had a super long day yesterday. Usually, she gets up around 6:30am, I feed her and then Greg takes her from 7am so I can get some sleep, take a shower or get some work done. She then goes down around 9ish for a nap and then gets up, etc. Takes on the day.
Yesterday, she didn't go down for her nap really. Was just up. Then we took her out with us to Whole Foods and Trader Joe's, pick up some stuff from CVS. Well, she didn't do too well in the car either. Usually, she's go down with the lull of the car driving, but this time she was super cranky. I didn't bring the binky either which sometimes she'll take to pacify herself. Finally, at CVS I pulled her out and changed her diaper and fed her. She was then fine. Pacified, though still no nap. I think she was mainly cranky because she was STARVING. I had fed her before we left the house, but we didn't end up leaving immediately, in fact it might've been 30 minutes before we actually left the house so by the time we went to three different places, she was starved. Whoops! Can't imagine what that must've felt like.
Auntie Miki showed up around 5pm. I had gotten Dillon down for a nap from about 4pm and I think she slept til about 6pm. Then she was up. But that's rare for Dillon because she usually goes down to sleep by about 6:30 or 7p and sleeps until we take her up to bed around 10p. Because we had Miki and our neighbor, Court, over for dinner and there was so much talking I think Dillon wanted to be part of the action so she was up from 6pm until around 9! She was just up and looking around and hangin. A little bit of fussiness but nothing too drastic.
At one point, it was kind of cool because Miki was holding Dillon and she noticed that every time I would talk, Dillon would strain her eyes and neck towards the direction of my voice! That's cool, right?
Of course, would I give 10 months, some major surgery and a few months of sleepless nights to experience that? Uh, no. But, since I've already gone through all that, might as well enjoy these moments of new learnings with the new baby when they occur. Hehehe.
To be honest, I'm not quite sure what's going on with Dillon these past days. She is having a hard time going down, but then she's cranky as all heck because I think she's so tired. It is now 3pm and she has not gone down for a nap!
It's really crazy because in the first couple weeks, we are trying to form a rhythm with the baby, feeding, sleeping, etc. And so we think we have it down pat. The whole schedule mentioned above and then we know when we have some time to get stuff done. But now, she's changing again and staying awake longer, which is good. I think she's really getting to know the difference between day and night. However, now that she is up longer, it means we need to spend more time with her. Soo tiring...I guess the "being present" comes and goes for me. I do find myself counting the minutes to when I can put her down and do something else. Is that bad? Does that make me a bad mommy? I mean, no offense to Dillon, but I'm the sort of person who can't just sit and watch a tv show. I have to be doing something else while watching tv - whether it's reading a book or magazine or crocheting or being online. So, to be tied to playing with the baby and then feeding her is just so time consuming...especially at times like these when she just won't go down. So this whole day has pretty much been about catering to her. I know, I know that's what you're supposed to do when you have a baby, but heck, I am having a hard time grasping that concept. Really. I'm the worst. :o)
Yesterday, she didn't go down for her nap really. Was just up. Then we took her out with us to Whole Foods and Trader Joe's, pick up some stuff from CVS. Well, she didn't do too well in the car either. Usually, she's go down with the lull of the car driving, but this time she was super cranky. I didn't bring the binky either which sometimes she'll take to pacify herself. Finally, at CVS I pulled her out and changed her diaper and fed her. She was then fine. Pacified, though still no nap. I think she was mainly cranky because she was STARVING. I had fed her before we left the house, but we didn't end up leaving immediately, in fact it might've been 30 minutes before we actually left the house so by the time we went to three different places, she was starved. Whoops! Can't imagine what that must've felt like.
Auntie Miki showed up around 5pm. I had gotten Dillon down for a nap from about 4pm and I think she slept til about 6pm. Then she was up. But that's rare for Dillon because she usually goes down to sleep by about 6:30 or 7p and sleeps until we take her up to bed around 10p. Because we had Miki and our neighbor, Court, over for dinner and there was so much talking I think Dillon wanted to be part of the action so she was up from 6pm until around 9! She was just up and looking around and hangin. A little bit of fussiness but nothing too drastic.
At one point, it was kind of cool because Miki was holding Dillon and she noticed that every time I would talk, Dillon would strain her eyes and neck towards the direction of my voice! That's cool, right?
Of course, would I give 10 months, some major surgery and a few months of sleepless nights to experience that? Uh, no. But, since I've already gone through all that, might as well enjoy these moments of new learnings with the new baby when they occur. Hehehe.
To be honest, I'm not quite sure what's going on with Dillon these past days. She is having a hard time going down, but then she's cranky as all heck because I think she's so tired. It is now 3pm and she has not gone down for a nap!
It's really crazy because in the first couple weeks, we are trying to form a rhythm with the baby, feeding, sleeping, etc. And so we think we have it down pat. The whole schedule mentioned above and then we know when we have some time to get stuff done. But now, she's changing again and staying awake longer, which is good. I think she's really getting to know the difference between day and night. However, now that she is up longer, it means we need to spend more time with her. Soo tiring...I guess the "being present" comes and goes for me. I do find myself counting the minutes to when I can put her down and do something else. Is that bad? Does that make me a bad mommy? I mean, no offense to Dillon, but I'm the sort of person who can't just sit and watch a tv show. I have to be doing something else while watching tv - whether it's reading a book or magazine or crocheting or being online. So, to be tied to playing with the baby and then feeding her is just so time consuming...especially at times like these when she just won't go down. So this whole day has pretty much been about catering to her. I know, I know that's what you're supposed to do when you have a baby, but heck, I am having a hard time grasping that concept. Really. I'm the worst. :o)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Dillon is a Pterodactyl
I don't know about all babies...since I try to stay away from all babies until they are about 2 years old, but our Dillon makes little baby pterodactyl noises. Like a baby pterodactyl just hatching out of its shell. Heehehee. She does this when she is sleeping. I would like to video tape it, but that would probably require me to videotape a lot of just sleeping in order to capture those small moments and that would be borrrriing. Maybe all babies do this? I'll defer to my gf, Loretta to answer that question. Then again, maybe only me and Greg are in love with the funny noises. Hahah!
I've been taking my gf's advice - be in the present and that is working out for me...for the most part. I mean, I have a lot of books that I could be reading while tending to Dillon in the quieter moments, though in the mornings it's hard to not watch the clock while she is feeding as I anxiously await the time when i can put her down and start my day. Sometimes, this can take two hours or more because it is morning and she is awake and we want to interact with her etc...
As far as having some time to myself while she is nursing or sleeping on me, sometimes I feel like I need a tool belt affixed to my waist so I will always have a small towel, a good book, some snacks and some water around me so I can plop down and feed whenever and not sit around wishing I had something to do other than stare down at my little girl and daydream. Hahaha!
I am actually mastering the art of typing with one hand...
I've been taking my gf's advice - be in the present and that is working out for me...for the most part. I mean, I have a lot of books that I could be reading while tending to Dillon in the quieter moments, though in the mornings it's hard to not watch the clock while she is feeding as I anxiously await the time when i can put her down and start my day. Sometimes, this can take two hours or more because it is morning and she is awake and we want to interact with her etc...
As far as having some time to myself while she is nursing or sleeping on me, sometimes I feel like I need a tool belt affixed to my waist so I will always have a small towel, a good book, some snacks and some water around me so I can plop down and feed whenever and not sit around wishing I had something to do other than stare down at my little girl and daydream. Hahaha!
I am actually mastering the art of typing with one hand...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
A good day
As unfit as I am to be a mother right now...hardly loving the sleepless nights, the constant boob attachment, etc. I have to say, Dillon is a great girl! She is a really good baby. She sleeps well, she eats well, she's hardly ever cranky except for when she is going through her growth spurts. She takes to the nipple, she sometimes takes the paci and the other morning, I threw her in her bassinet because I HAD to go to the bathroom and Greg was nowhere to be found so I just decided, well if she wails, then she wails. And guess what? She didn't even wail! She just sat there and entertained herself with her eyes wide open and just looked around. Wow! Now, that's impressive. :o)
I mean, she might have a bad spell later on and I might curse her all over, but right now, I think she's a pretty good girl. But, I'm still pretty sure that I will never miss these baby days. I just won't.
Today we took a nice little stroll to the post office. The whole family - Boulder, Rocky, Greg, Dillon and me. It was sunny and nice out. I wish the weather would stay like this. Sadly, it's probably going to turn cold again. I like getting Dillon out in the stroller even though she can get a little fussy if it's not moving. I like when she looks around and kind of zones in the sunlight.
Oh, and a funny little story: Dillon roots when she's hungry. Y'know she kind of moves her mouth and her tongue and will stick her hands in her mouth to suck on them. So, I know to move her to my breast. Well, she now will do this hilarious little move (which isn't all that great, because she then is spilling milk from my boob all over her face), but she will twist her face away from my boob, purse her lips and then twist her mouth away too. It's a hilarious face and I wish we could snap a pic of it, but that would require a boob shot and I'm not really into those so, you'll just have to use your imagination.
I mean, she might have a bad spell later on and I might curse her all over, but right now, I think she's a pretty good girl. But, I'm still pretty sure that I will never miss these baby days. I just won't.
Today we took a nice little stroll to the post office. The whole family - Boulder, Rocky, Greg, Dillon and me. It was sunny and nice out. I wish the weather would stay like this. Sadly, it's probably going to turn cold again. I like getting Dillon out in the stroller even though she can get a little fussy if it's not moving. I like when she looks around and kind of zones in the sunlight.
Oh, and a funny little story: Dillon roots when she's hungry. Y'know she kind of moves her mouth and her tongue and will stick her hands in her mouth to suck on them. So, I know to move her to my breast. Well, she now will do this hilarious little move (which isn't all that great, because she then is spilling milk from my boob all over her face), but she will twist her face away from my boob, purse her lips and then twist her mouth away too. It's a hilarious face and I wish we could snap a pic of it, but that would require a boob shot and I'm not really into those so, you'll just have to use your imagination.
Monday, March 2, 2009
up all night
Here's a pic of Dillon sleeping on her boppy! That was two days ago...
Zzzzzz...I have not been able to sleep for two nights now because Dillon has been CRANKY. It might be gas...it might be growing pains. I don't know what it is, but she is hardly able to be put down to sleep. I've changed her, fed her and she is still crying. It's so unnerving because of course it's so sad to hear her cry inconsolably! She's not sleeping through the night and hardly in the day either. But, Greg is better at pacifying her than I am so sometimes he can get her to sleep after I've fed her. Phew!
Oh, hallelujah! Some answers. Greg jumped online yesterday and it seems little Dillon is in fact going through a growth spurt. This happens a few days after they come home from the hospital, then 7-10 days, then 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 6 months. And here are the symptoms - increased appetite (check!) she's wanting to feed every hour as opposed to every 2-3hrs, fussing at the breast or unlatching (check!), fussy, fussy, fussy (check!)
This is supposed to last for about 2-3 days, sometimes a week. I think she's getting past it. Thank goodness it's not the spicy foods!
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