Wednesday, November 23, 2011

When they can talk

I was REALLLLY PISSED at D this morning. Her cousins are in town (2.5 yrs and 5 yrs) and they are sleeping in her room so she is in her travel crib in our room. She woke up at 3:30am to go to the bathroom...and then I think since her father kept snoring and that is an unfamiliar sound to her at night, I'm not really sure whether or not she ever fell back asleep but at 4:30am she was ready to get up. And she was going to be really vocal about it.
Mind you, my sister in law and fam didn't get in until after 12am last night and I didn't get to bed until about 1. She finally quiets down and sits in her crib for the next half hour but who's sleeping? Really.
By 5am she wants out of the crib so she is on our bed (which I've said before, she never sleeps in) roaming around, crawling all over me...then she goes down to floor to mess around where she ends up bumping her nose on something and then crying...very loudly.
I've had enough so I pick her up and throw her in the car as my intention was to take her to my mom's house (where no one is at the moment) and just let her do whatever, be as loud as she wants and I would try to snooze a little too.
On our way up the hill to my mom's the sun is starting to come up and it's cast a pretty pink glow over the mountains. D knows that I am pissed...but from behind me I hear:
"Oh, look at how beautiful the mountains are mama. Do you see? Isn't it beautiful? Is that pink?"
How could I resist not answering her? Of course I agree and point out to her the equally beautiful sliver of the moon that is still lingering in the pink and grey of early morning.
Then silence. As of course, I am still miffed. But, ooh, how that tugged at my heartstrings.

Monday, November 21, 2011

American Idol? Maybe not

The other morning I was singing "It's a small world" to D on our walk. We had just gone to Disneyland and she was talking about that ride. She asks me, "Mama, why are you singing that?"
I reply, "Because it's a good song." And I continue to sing.
And D interrupts me with, "Mama! Mama! Stop singing. You're hurting my ears."

Saturday, November 19, 2011

"I don't like being a mom"

Uhhh, I made that statement the other day to my hairdresser. She was pretty appalled. I mean, I am just a straight up honest person and I "tell it as it is."
And I guess she kind of made me realize that maybe that's not the best thing to say.
We were talking about babies and the possibility of having another one and I had said we were trying but a small part of me wonders if maybe sub-consciously I'm not getting pregs because I really didn't like the baby stage.
So, she had said, "Okay, well you should just say you don't like the baby stage. You probably shouldn't be saying out loud that you don't like being a mom."
Well, I guess she is right. I mean, I certainly don't say things like that in front of D. I would never do that!
But what I really mean when I make that statement is just that being a mother is one of the toughest jobs I've ever really encountered and it's one that I can't walk away from. Y'know what I mean? Like, usually in life, if you don't like your job, quit and get a new one.
Not the job of mother. You're stuck with it. Well it's not so much that. Not only are you stuck with that job for life but it's the job where you can't just coast...or check out, if you will. You work at it and you work at it hard every single day.
And I have always been that sort of person that if this relationship isn't going well and we aren't communicating that well, I'll just walk. I don't need to work so hard to keep a tough friendship going. Welllll...not so much with baby. She's a baby. She's learning the ropes, learning how to exercise her opinions, her independence and I have to work hard at not wanting to scream my head off at her sometimes. And it's a constant battle to keep my patience about me and oftentimes, I just lose. G is always reminding me that I shouldn't scream at her so much and while I understand that, I also want him to understand that, for me, just screaming at her maybe twice a day is a HUGE accomplishment on my part. And he does understand. Phew.
But still I feel good if I've gotten through a day without a temper eruption. Wait, has that ever happened?

Doling out advice

I am just not one that should be doling out advice...I just don't have the answers to this parenting thing. However, recently, my sister has been punishing her daughter by not letting her spend time with D! I just don't think that is proper procedure for disciplining a child.
First of all, it is a total let-down for US...and D..and really, it's just not right to keep cousins from seeing each other.
Today was the second time A has called me up to say, "Sorry, we can't make it out today because H has chosen to be disrespectful all morning even though she knew if she was going to continue to be disrespectful, I was not going to take her out to see D." I, of course, was annoyed and her response was, "Sorry, but seeing D is the only thing that H really cares about so...too bad."
Ummm...okay. Correct me if I'm wrong here but that just does not seem right. It does not seem like it would accomplish much and mind you, H is VERY strong-willed. The girl gets so much "held over her head" that she pretty much doesn't care about anything that much. Candy? Ice cream? Oh, she will look straight at a bowl of ice cream and say she doesn't want it if she thinks you're going to use it as a bargaining piece.
So, knowing your daughter has that kind of personality, wouldn't you try to stray away from holding "seeing her cousin" over her head as reward? Seems a lose-lose situation for everyone.

AND by the way, since I am sitting here analyzing my sister and her parenting habits, my BIL just told me that these days when they ask H to do anything, she bargains. She will say, "Okay, but then I get to do this." As in:

Request: "H, can you go into my office and turn off the light?"
H: "Okay, but if I do it then I get to play my DS for 30 more minutes."

Apparently, she bargains every time they ask her to do anything.

It will be a few years before D gets to that point, but I am starting now to figure out how NOT to have that kind of communication go on in this house.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


This evening D was just so snuggly. This is a rare occurrence. Well, I'm usually very "run, run, run. Let's go do stuff. Gotta do this while we are doing that." Sure, I spend time with her sometimes but my mind just keeps thinking of other things I could be doing at the same time. Tragic, I know but that's just how I operate!!
Anyhow, we had M and JB over last night. They spent the night so D spent time playing with JB all night. Then this morning, we rushed off to Playschool and then after school we headed up to Obachon's house to have lunch with M and JB and Obachon. On the way home, D fell asleep.
When she woke up, it was 5pm. As usual, she wanted to have a "tea party" in her room so we did. Then I convinced her to go to the kitchen so we can make some fresh squeezed orange juice. Then I made dinner. While I was making dinner, she was asking me to read to her or draw with her so I did a bit of that while cooking. Then we ate dinner and after dinner we drew a little bit more but then she crawled into my arms and asked me to take her to her room.
I carried her in to her room and then she just snuggled in my arms. We were having a conversation here and there but then there would be times where we would just be quiet and she would just sit there content in my arms.
It was the craziest thing. Very, very sweet. My only thought is that she just needed some Mommy and D downtime after all that time spent with everyone else. Why do I think that? Because once (at band camp...ha) when we were in SF with G's sister and D's cousins, at the end of an evening, D just wanted to be with me. And G had said, "Mama, come up here. D just needs to spend some down time with you." Normally, he's the one that reads her her bedtime story...but out in SF, she didn't want that. She just wanted to be with me at the end of the day.
Isn't that crazy that G was so intuitive? He just loves D so...
I should really spend more alone time with her. I mean, I've always just considered having her on my hip 24/7 as "being with her" but it's not really. She wants and probably needs focused time. I will try to be more cognizant of that.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Gosh, go take a nap or something!

Take a nap! go play in your room! Do something other than bother me while I am trying to sweep the floors. I'm sweeping the floors today and D wants to help. (Aww, how sweet some people might say. Yeah, not so much I say.) She wants to help by holding onto my broom while I sweep. Veerrrry time consuming. Then I say, "D, this is not very effective. Why don't you go sit over there while Mommy sweeps." Then Daddy gets a great idea, "D, why don't you go get the dustpan and help mommy when she's ready to sweep the dust into the dustpan!" Great idea.
Annd, again (great idea in theory. Not so much in execution). She is holding the dustpan a few inches above the sand and dirt so nothing gets into the dustpan.
So, mommy says, "D, thanks so much for wanting to help! But now I think you are too close to the floor. I don't want all the dust to fly into your face and into your eyes..."
Daddy comes to try and help her hold the dustpan.
Aargh!! Can she just go take a nap or something??
Then in trying to be in the spirit of her being helpful I say, "Hey D! I have a better idea. Why don't you get the duster and sweep over the floor that mom has already swept! It will help me pick up the dust that I missed with the broom."
She seems to be a bit bored with this task and instead is waving the duster above her head, poking the television with the handle to which daddy is reproving her.
Then she is dusting the piles that I've created with my broom...essentially undoing what I have done (which, by the way, she does quite often - like when I am folding laundry and she comes by and pulls them all down onto the floor. Some people might just smile at that, but I frown upon that. Don't make me do extra work!) Aaack!! Toddlers...Bah!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Now...wait a minute here.

I'm sitting here doing my laundry and thinking over how a half-a**ed attempt at parenting in a more communicative way/non-violent communication whatever is probably not the best thing. Having not once read a book on parenting or any of these things (how to raise a confident child, etc) I'm kind of just "winging it" which in the end probably is not helping her or myself. We are really just not getting anywhere.
And, now that I think about it don't kids just ultimately grow up and gain confidence?? I mean as long as I am not running around all day telling her how stupid she is or laughing at any attempts she makes at accomplishing long as I am not beating her at all she should be fine. As long as G and I are confident people then ultimately, she should grow up to be a confident individual as well.
I mean, come ON people. She is just two years old, going on three. Can she really make sense of what is going on in her head psychologically? Or can we for that matter? Like why does D always balk at doing the soccer exercises at her class? Why does she always cling to me?? But she says she likes soccer and she kind of likes the idea of going. Yet, when she is there and all the other kids are running around and doing what the teacher says, D does not want to do it. She would rather pull me into a corner so just she and I are doing something. WHAA?? Yeah, or while everyone else is running from side to side she wants her dad to carry her. What's a parent to do?? I mean, I am driving myself crazy over here trying to figure out how to communicate to her that this is soccer. This is supposed to be fun. Do you want to go home then?? Which of course her answer would be yes. But we have paid for these classes and I'll be darned if I just let her go home.
This is not a game. In the end, soccer is a game for her and her dad to enjoy together. Apparently, she always takes about half an hour to get warmed up (the class is only 50 minutes). Whatever, we just let her take her time. She's fine with sort of participating if I'm not around. If I'm around, she's asking for snackies.
Is there something on my face that says, "Hi! Ask me for snacks." Because truly, whenever my friends are around me, we also seem to eat a lot. So, now it's become see Mommy = snacks.
But I digress.
To my point, I feel like I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out this communication thing when at the end of the day I think we'd all be better off if I just communicate however I feel like communicating if that means ordering her to clean her room then so be it. When she turns 7, 8, 9 and is able to comprehend life and how it works, she will realize that I am not making her clean her room for my own benefit or even if it IS for my own benefit, she and everyone else who comes by benefits as well. And when she reaches her late 20's and is off on her own she'll then start to appreciate the "cleanliness" habits I've instilled in her because less clutter in her life is good. I've never been one to be hippy, dippy skippy so I really shouldn't try now. Can't teach THIS old dog new tricks. Not that there is anything wrong with hippy dippy. To each his own I say....

Friday, November 4, 2011

Oh this how it is going to be?

Oh, D is a clever little girl...yesterday I wanted her to clean her room. Of course, still practicing that "conversation" parenting as opposed to blatantly ordering her to clean her room. "Make it her decision, not her actions as a result of just trying to do your bidding." That sort of thing. Right.
So, I'm asking her nicely. She is refusing. So, we move on.
We are now in my room and she's left a wooden doll, Jessica, in my room so I am asking her, "D, can you pick up Jessica and put her back in your room at least?"
The doll is sitting on the floor. Nothing else around it, clearly visible.
And D is saying to me, "Where? Where is she?" She walks over toward my desk (away from the doll) saying, "Is she over here?
Me: "Nooo, she is right there. On the floor."
D: "Where, mama? Over here?" as she walks over to the closet...right near the doll but clearly not looking down.
Funny? Yes, maybe now but more infuriating at the time so I responded, "Oh, you're going to play like that? If you're going to ignore me, I will ignore you too. Two can play at this game!"
D is perfectly content with herself. As I storm off into the kitchen, she follows and then plops herself onto the couch with a book and just entertains herself. Perfectly happy that she pissed me off AND didn't have to pick up one single toy. Grrrrr...

Can it be...say it isn't so

This is now day 2 of Ds non-napping. Yes, two entire looooong days. She didn't nap yesterday and seemed perfectly fine. Wasn't grumpy, wasn't whiny. Again today no nap and she was fine. We put her to bed by 7pm. This morning she woke up at 6:30 but I think it was just because she had to pee. Hopefully, she will not wake up so early tomorrow. Heheh. Who am I kidding?