Saturday, June 27, 2009

Out for the day

D and I went out together today. I wanted just some Mommy and Dillon time so I packed Dillon up and took her with me to watch my gf, Courtney try on wedding dresses. Dillon fell asleep in the car on the way to the bridal salon. At the salon, she was so good but there was this one point where I was kind of taking a break from feeding her rice cereal and I'm talking away with our other gf, Adrienne and really not looking at Dillon at all. Could've been a good five minutes, but all of a sudden, poor baby just burst into tears! No warning sqwawk, nothing. Just burst into tears. Awww, her little mouth just turned into a frown and little tears squeezed out of her eyes. Awww...don't know what made her cry but she was fine after I picked her up. Could it have been that I wasn't paying attention to her?
Oooh, she was so good today. After the salon, I packed her back into the car to take her to meet daddy for lunch. She fell asleep in the car and slept a little bit in the restaurant. When she woke up, she just played with her toy quietly and hung out even though it was like, 900 degrees in the restaurant (A/C wasn't working properly) and you probably could've fried an egg on poor bao bae's head. I was quite proud of her.
I wish I lived in a city where my friends were around. I mean, yeah, I could go and join one of those mommy and me classes, but I'm really not interested in making any new friends. I just want to hang out with my friends. I don't miss socializing. I miss my friends. Sigh...well, we'll be travelling soon. The problem is I still can't take one thing out of the equation - Greg. :oD
haha! Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with Greg, but I'm tired of sharing Bao Bae with Greg. I want to cart her around with just me and do girl things with my girl friends! I want to be alone with my daughter and my friends. I don't want a break from Dillon. I want a break from Greg...

Thursday, June 25, 2009


We just had Dillon's four month wellness dr appt. She is now able to start solids! A little rice cereal to start and then gradually adding in applesauce, pear sauce and mashed bananas. Let the good times roll...
Hehee! We are a foodie family after all. She might as well start! Dillon has seemed a bit curious lately anyhow. She stares intently when I drink from a glass in front of her. Sooo, since we are now starting her on rice cereal and that can sometimes cause constipation, I also started to introduce her to drinking water from a glass! Oh, it's so cute. She loves it. Of course, she still doesn't quite understand the concept, but she loves that I am taking the glass that I am drinking from and putting it to her lips for a sip. She likes it so much that today when Greg tried it, she got excited when she saw the glass in front of her face!
She is so curious! I love it. It is a good sign that she will not be a picky eater and that she will want to try everything that we eat. At least I hope so...obviously, if she turns out not to be curious and is actually fussy, I will disown her. Or lock her in her room and starve her...hahahah...

Michelle Obama

Vogue magazine had an article on Michelle Obama. Andre Leon Talley penned it. In the article, Andre asked Jill Biden about MB as a mother. The tail end of what she said was, " only need to be around her girls for a few seconds to know what an incredible mom she is." If I could be described in those words based on someone being around Dillon, I would be satisfied.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Since when did we jump off the wagon and allow Dillon to parent herself? For the past couple of nights, we have not seriously put Dillon down for her 3pm nap b/c she cries and cries and then when we go get her, she is smiling. So we say to each other, "I guess she doesn't want to sleep." And we carry on...until around 5pm when she is clearly just exhausted...she is still interested in being with us (obvi) but her eyes are all puffy and tired looking and she's just overtired.
Oh, wait...I know when we decided to let Dillon govern herself. When Greg decided that he can't listen to her cry.
I have of course come to my senses since then and lay down the law with Greg. Dillon does not get to decide whether or not she wants to go down for a nap. She can cry for the entire hour if she doesn't want to nap, but she is going into her crib from 3pm - 4pm. Sooner or later, she will understand that that is naptime.
Hello? Genius that I am. She is getting older now and with that, she is more interested in being with us and being entertained than left alone in her crib to sleep. And now that she is older, her cries are getting louder and more varied. She cries all different kinds of cries to try and get us in there. I ignore. Greg is pained.
Yesterday, she cried for about 15 minutes, but felt like an hour to Greg since she usually only protest cries for about 2 minutes. He was all upset. I could've cared less, really. I know she needs her naps so I don't even hear her cries. My response to him was, "then go next door to the Perlmutter's house. We are not going in to get her." and lo and behold, she went right to sleep.
Therein lies the difference between mothers and fathers. Mothers love their children and want to do what's best for them even if it pains us. Fathers, on the other hand, are weak and just want their children to be happy all the time and will do anything to achieve it. Smiling and happy, which is why you will see at malls and outdoor recreation areas, kids with their fathers usually have chocolate stains on their fingers, lollipop stains around their mouths..and they are wired and crazed....
Again, last night, Dillon cried when I put her to bed. Cried and cried which is unusual for her. Greg says, "Should I go in and rock her a little?" I replied, "Only if you want to still be rocking her to sleep when she is 35 lbs plus..." Yeah, that made him reconsider.
However, I did run in there to see if maybe she was still hungry. Held her for a bit and then put her to bed. And that was that. :oD

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Indicative of our personalities

Greg says to me yesterday, "I think it's amazing how much she's grown since we've brought her home. Don't you? It's quite interesting that we see more of her personality by the day."
My response was, "Yeah...but, eh, I can take it or leave it. If I could fast forward to 2 years old, I'd do it in a heartbeat."
Greg says, rather irritatedly, "Whatever."
And then I am struck by the fact that this conversation and observation is very indicative of our respective personalities. Greg is very intrigued by the process of how things come to be while I could care less about the process. I just want to get there already.
Take for instance, a green plant that turns pink once it gets to a certain maturity. Greg would be interested in what makes that green plant turn pink and why at that certain maturity and not sooner. He would do research on how that plant came to be, etc. I, on the other hand, will have bought that plant just because it turns pink and just will it to turn pink already and when it does, be happy that it did.
I am just not interested in the day to day developments of an infant. If Dillon were to all of a sudden wake up with her two front teeth in already I would not be sad that I didn't get to see her crying and the little teeth budglings coming in. Not necessary. Nope. Skip the whole fever and crying and sadness that comes with teething? Yeah, perfectly fine with me. And if someone else who went through it wanted to tell me about it, I'll take her word for it but again, totally not necessary.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Four months

They say that at three months everything gets better. It's true. Everything does get better at three months. But I think at four months, everything jives better. Maybe it's because at four months, mother and baby have reached an understanding of each other (baby actually understanding anything at all) AND mom's body is actually getting back to shape. Now, I'm sure there might be some women out there that have been able to whip back into shape even before four months, but I'm certainly not one of them. I have not stepped foot into a gym since this baby was born. I "trained" for the mini-tri for about a month, maybe and that was just getting out for a jog a couple times a week and then nothing after the tri. And you know what? I feel pretty good about my shape right now.'s certainly not back where it used to be..and it NEEDS to get back there so the hundreds of dollars that I've spent on my denim collection doesn't go to wash, but all in all, I feel pretty good. Now, if my neighbor would just stop lollygagging and get my hula hoop made, I could work on my waist a bit more since doing sit ups is just so out of the question for me.
Oh, and last night...took Greg 45 minutes to put the little darling to bed. Poor baby...maybe she's starting to teeth?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Whoa Nellie!

What is going on...if sleep begets sleep, then there is something wrong with Dillon...yesterday, she took three good naps. By good naps I mean between 1.5 and 2hours each time. Put her down for bed around 7:45p. She woke up at 1am to feed and then woke up at 4am! WHAAT? Girl, what is going on? Well, she did work entirely out of her swaddle so maybe that woke her up? And prevented her from going back to sleep? Not sure.
Anyhooo...tonight has been a doozy. Put her down for bed at 6pm. She wakes up half an hour later crying. I go in b/c at this point I feel like she knows how to self soothe so if she is crying, she must be feeling bad or is still hungry or something. Tried putting her back down...cried. Tried putting her back to sleep again...woke up when I put her down. Cried and cried and cried...took a breather around 7:40. We thought she'd fallen asleep. No such luck. Poor thing still crying. Greg is now in there holding her and rocking her. Maybe she will fall asleep now.
Uh-oh..she is getting rather heavy and rather long..hope she doesn't need this rocking bit for much longer...otherwise, Greg will have to rock her to sleep each time. I am too short. :o) And too weak. :oD

Have I lost my mind?

Today as I was folding our day old laundered sheets, I'm looking at them thinking, "These are really wrinkled. I should iron them..." WHAAT? Have I lost my mind?? Iron sheets? Who do I think I am? June Cleaver?
Perhaps because I can't gain perfection over this child, I am redirecting my perfectionism? Hehe. Not that I've EVER strove for perfection in anything...ho hum...

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


I love that Dillon wraps her little arms around my neck when I pick her up.
I love that she now likes to put everything in her mouth. So, when I pick her up she looks into my eyes and opens her mouth on my chin.
I love that she loves to smile and laugh.

Signs of times to come...Dillon screams bloody murder when I have her on her changing table after a bath and I am putting her onesie on her. She always thinks we are swaddling her for a nap when she is placed on her changing table. Yesterday, she was screaming and I just kept looking at her and calmly saying, "Do not scream. I will not pick you up if you scream. Screaming is not necessary..." So, she calmed down a bit and then I picked her up. Well, as I was walking out of the room, she let out two loud screams. Sort of like a, "I will scream if I want! And you will pick me up!"
Haha! Yup, a sign of times to come.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Back to Dillon

This girl is driving me crazy...last night, she literally was NUUURSING her bottle. She would just sort of suck on the bottle then pause then hang out and then when I would then try to burp her, she would root on me again so I think she's still hungry and try to feed her. Oh my goodness! This went on for like half an hour!! I am beginning to think she KNOWS that if she keeps feeding, then I will keep holding her?? Is that possible? Can she form that kind of thought in her mind?
Certainly not...
This afternoon. Trying to put her down for her nap. Start time: 12:30pm. She starts rooting. Okay, I feed her. She takes in 4 ozs. Then roots again. Give her another 2 ozs. She roots again. I then make another bottle of 4 ozs. This one she is taking in a lot slower. She seems like she is nodding off to sleep but every time I pull her up to burp her, she is rooting again! OMG...she has pooped twice while I am holding her...still eating. It's now coming up on 1:30. AN HOUR it is taking me to put her down and she is not having any of it. Refuses to go down. Is talking, rooting, laughing. I am seriously ready to murder her b/c she has been awake since oh..about 9:30am. Finally, I finish feeding her the 4 more ozs (!!) and just put her down in her crib. Hello? I probably should've just done that from the get go. I put her down. She wails, screams bloody murder for half and hour and finally falls asleep around 2pm. Really? Who IS this girl? Aaaackkkk!! Anyhoooo...note to self. Just put her down when it is nap time, right?? Let her cry. Oh my...

Sidebar 2

Hi, so is this blog now my personal blog?? Not about baby? Hehe. Mayyyybe.
The other day, I'm at Whole Foods buying some ground pork. The guy behind the counter says, "Ni hao" (How are you in Chinese). I respond, "Hen hao, shieh shieh!" (Very good, thank you! in Chinese). And then I proceed to ask the guy, "How did you know I was Chinese? And not Japanese..." His reply, "Well, when I was about five years old, our neighbor was Chinese. Mr. Chang and he practically raised me...and I'll tell you what. You can't tell a Chinese person just by looking at them. You have to listen to them when they are speaking English. Their accents are different."
I looked at him and said, "That's right! But...I don't have an accent." Hello? Who is this jokester?
His reply (looking rather embarrassed I might add), "Are you ABC?" (acronym for American Born Chinese)
I say, "Yes." And we both just kind of smile at each other. Whaaattteeeevver, son.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Looking in the mirror

Through Dillon I am realizing that I am a) quite anal and b) quite controlling and c) that my world is not the world according to Belinda anymore. It's the world according to Dillon and that world includes Greg and his points of view because he is her father.
I don't dictate what goes on in my life anymore. Case in point. I'm sure I've mentioned on this blog several times how I'd like to give up breast feeding. I just don't make ample amounts of milk, we always have to supplement and for a while, Greg's pro-bf stance had me feeling a bit guilty until one day I thought and stated, "I am weaning Dillon off breastfeeding." Why? Because I hate not knowing how much she is getting. I want her strictly on formula so I can monitor/dictate how much she is eating and get her on a schedule. I said, "This is not a discussion. I just don't want to do it anymore." So, Greg was like, "Okaaaay...."
When Dillon woke up from her nap (she usually gets the boob), I went and picked her up and proceeded to pop a bottle in her mouth. She started crying. She was so sad. The boob went right in. I am currently now still breastfeeding. :o)
As far as controlling how much she eats, that could still be addressed (so I thought). She can have the boob, but I will just feed her formula after and a specified amount each time so she is getting a specified amount at regular intervals. (I need some structure in my life!) Well, according to Dillon, I don't need structure in my life. She does not take the bottle after she breastfeeds. She cries out when she is hungry and she will eat however much she wants when she wants.
Case in point, the other night at 4am, Dillon took in 8.5 ozs! That's a record amount for her in one sitting and at 4am no less. Well, that same day then she ate no more formula until about 3pm that day whereas normally she takes in formula before she takes a nap each time she takes a nap (3 times a day). Yes, as I was packing her up to go out in the car, she decides she's hungry so as I am standing there feeding her formula while she is in her car seat I am realizing that I need to just let go and go with the flow...and that thought - that my life is now the World According to Dillon just made me laugh out loud. She really is something...and having to take a good hard look at myself in the mirror is really eye-opening as well. ;o)
Sure, it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, but I sure as heck am trying.

Friday, June 12, 2009


Funny sidebar story. Greg just had his backyard relandscaped and there is this beautiful Japanese maple tree that sits off to the side. He's placed a Buddha statue underneath it.
So, the other day he says to me, "Honey, Boulder came out back with me today and guess where he peed?"
Me, after some thought, "the Japanese maple?"
Greg: "No, he walked right over and peed on the Buddha."...hello?? Whady I tell those of you who know my Boulder theory...
For those of you who don't know, my Boulder theory is that he was once a priest in his past life. How do I know this? Because back in NY, he would always stop at churches on his walks, he loves to kiss (lick) little kids and he loves to look up girls' skirts. And now this! Peeing on the Buddha!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Does it ever end?

The unpredictability of it all...for two days D went down at 7pm, slept til 7am. Sweet! For the past two days, she's been so tired, she went to bed around 6:30 - 7pm-ish and then last night woke up at 11:30p for a feeding. Tonight, 10:30p for a feeding! What?? That is a mere 3 hours after she is put down. That is just not acceptable.
Oh, but it is...isn't it? Isn't that just the nature of babies?
And you see why I've never set goals for myself? Because when you don't achieve them, you get disappointed. I was so looking forward to having possibly achieved a manageable bedtime (the 7pm - 7am) and then I get my hopes up...only to be disappointed. Sad.
I keep trying to look back to see what were the steps that I took during the day when she was going down at 7? Better naps? Not necessarily..better feeds? Not necessarily. I just don't get it.
Well, tomorrow - another day...another trial and error mission.
I mean, why bother going down at a decent hour to get some sleep? That would just be too much to ask for. Errmmm, went to bed at 9pm tonight. That's a rarity for me and look at what it got me? Right back up to feed at 10:30p. Grrrr...

Ohhhh...but the disappointment certainly disappears the moment I see this cutie face! Never mind that in the middle of the night, I get so mad sometimes I feel like I want to throw her down the stairs (luckily, her room is on the ground level. Heh). Awww...she's so cute. Is that conceited of me to say about my own daughter??

I'm obsessed with buying Dillon new toys to help her development. I
rather like this "tummy time" play mat. She certainly enjoys it more
than just being on the bed

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Coolest website!

I just found the coolest website (again, fishing online for nap suggestions, all the message boards, etc..)! Every new mom should log onto this website!
It tracks your baby's diapers, bottles, naps, and some other stuff I can't remember. I just started on it AND it has an iPhone app which is even cooler.
It's ridiculous the amount of tracking one has to do with a newborn...and then you just keep doing it, and doing it...IF you are anal like me? Or does everyone do it? I don't know. :oD
Last night, D again went down at 7pm, up at 4:15am for feed, slept until 7:15am. I'll take it!! Yeayy!
D is growing so fast. And she is so much fun right now. While I have a good amount of girlfriends here who are enamored with D, I really, really wish I lived in LA so my LA friends could spend time with D. It's just wrong that they have not yet seen her. Grrrr...

Monday, June 8, 2009

Magic window part 2

Did I say Dillon's magic window is 3 hours? Scratch that. I think that's wrong...who knows what it is. I actually don't think there's any rhyme or reason to this girl. Of course, that might be might be my fault as well b/c a parent is supposed to establish some sort of schedule or routine that the baby can count on. Well, if you know me, you know I can't do anything the same twice. I can't ever even remember what I did the first time so that makes it very hard to establish any sort of pattern/routine, etc. Sigh.
What I AM good at though, is perplexing over my daughter's sleep habits...heheh.
Interestingly enough, I put her down around 7pm last night and she slept until 3:45am. Whaaat?! Weird. I fed her and then she slept until 7am. She might have slept for longer but Greg was anxious to see her before he left on a business trip.
Yup! It's just Dillon and mommy for the next three days..hmm..could be a lot of crying going on again. Has anyone noticed my parenting style now? It's a lot of crying. Good thing Dillon never remembers it when she wakes up or even just as she is being picked up. Smiles all around for everyone! :o)
There was an episode on House once. Where the patient (played by Mos Def) was rendered speechless and motionless. He heard everything that was going on around him and could feel whatever was happening to him, but could not vocalize what he was feeling! Oh, it was torturous. It was as if you were looking through a glass window and could see things happening that you could not prevent no matter how loud you screamed. As I was lying awake in bed one night, I was thinking, "That must be what babies feel like. They know what they want, yet they can't vocalize it." Imagine little Dillon sitting in her chair. She is yelling because she is hungry and all she gets is her mother and father staring at her smiling and making silly faces and grinning at her. And, she's thinking, "Stop making those stupid faces! I'm hungry! I'm hungry! Someone feed me!" And after about 10 minutes of the shenanigans, we finally grab a bottle and feed her. And, she's thinking, "Finally...idiots." Hahahah!!

Saturday, June 6, 2009


My friend Trina visited me over Memorial Day weekend. I was just thinking about a comment she made that was so funny! One morning, I came down and said something like, "Ughh, don't know what D's problem is. She woke up twice last night to eat."
Trina: "Why can't they just come up with a milk drip that hangs in baby's cribs like those water feeders that hang in hamster's cages. Then when she wakes up hungry in the middle of the night, she can just turn her head and suckle a little milk..."
Hilaaariiioousss! Hahhaa! Brilliant no?
I love my friends. :o)

Magic time?

I think I might've found Dillon's magic time...her sweet spot. I think it might run on 3 hours?? Whereas the books say a baby's waking time should be 1.5 - 2 hours max with 2hours being the time she should already be in bed. I think that might not be so with Dillon.
Why do I think that? Because it seems like when I try to put her down within 2 hours, oftentimes she is fighting me. Wait, or is she? It's very hard to keep track nowadays...It's hard to keep track of anything, really what with the continuous lack of sleep I get.
Oh, all my fault, certainly! Like I said, Dillon goes down at 6pm and sleeps until 6am the next morning with one nighttime feed. A normal/logical person would sleep when she sleeps or at least go to bed at a decent hour like 8pm...or even 9pm. No...not me...I stay up until 10ish..sometimes later. I don't know what my problem is. And, now can I really blame a child who might take after me and not want to sleep? Ever?
Anyhoooo I've realized that I might have taken this mothering thing a little too seriously. (What? Me? Who? No...) After emailing with another gf of mine about her daughter's napping habits and she literally did say to me, "Don't be so anal", I have taken a step back to relax a bit.
We had a lovely engagement party for our friends (and neighbors) Courtney and Andrew at our house today! Party was from 1-6pm. Dillon had one nap around 9am that only lasted an hour...mind you, she woke up this morning at 5:15am and just kind of kicked it in her crib (since I was trying to ignore her to see if she's go back to sleep..and naturally, she didn't). But at least she wasn't crying or anything.
I then tried to put her down around 2 and she only slept until about 2:26 (maybe because of all the noise?) So, she just sort of hung out and got passed around from person to person until her bath/bedtime and she was GREAT! Did not fuss once, was totally alert and intently staring at everyone. Smiling and just chilling! I was so proud. :o)
And, no problem getting to sleep either. I mean really? What is my problem? I need to just relax...

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Empty Nest

I'm sitting here thinking, "Why would mothers have Empty Nest syndrome?" I mean, I've only known Dillon for almost four months now and I can't wait for her to scream, "See ya later mom! I'm off to college!!"
Hahah! Actually, when I was bitching and moaning about Dillon sleeping on me and blah de blah I had a lot of my friends (moms) say, "Oh, don't be so quick to get her off your body. It is all so fleeting and you will miss her snuggliness..." Of course, I immediately thought, "Heck no! I will never miss this girl sleeping on me.."
Weellllll....bite my tongue. The other day, a quite tired little Dillon had fallen asleep while feeding on my breast. When she finished and I straightened her up, she just fell right on my chest and was sleeping with her little head snuggled into my neck and lo and behold, my heart turned just a little mushy and I wistfully remembered how she used to sleep on me and was missing it just a bit...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


I am perpetually baffled by the baby. All babies...last night Dillon slept from 6pm all the way through to 4:45am! At which time, she got a feeding and then I put her right back in her bed because I certainly was not going to let her get up at 5:15am. She went back to sleep until 7:15! Yippee! That was amazing. However, I'm sure it was just a fluke. I mean, I was sure she would wake up shortly after going down because she had not eaten a lot during the day and had missed some naps! Whatever happened to "sleep begets sleep"? Simply baffling.
And another thing - EVERY time Dillon cries her lungs out (for an hour) after we put her in her crib, the minute we pick her up, she is trying her DARNDEST to make eye contact with us so she can smile and coo. I mean, that used to be our gauge. "Well, if she is smiling, then she must be rested."
I'm not so sure that's the case anymore because she always completely misses her 3pm naps! But 3 month olds are supposed to have three naps a day! Babies need to sleep after being up for 2 hours MAX. WTF? This is so confusing.
I mean, she cries from 3pm to 4pm and then we can't take it anymore and we go in and pick her up and keep her up until bedtime. She goes down fine. Sometimes, she falls asleep before being able to eat her whole bottle of formula...and then I say, "Oh, well...because I can't get her to nap I guess I will just pay for it in nighttime feeding.." But, yesterday wasn't like that. She slept all the way through.
However, two days ago similar no napping situation. She goes down around 5:40pm, wakes up at 9pm to eat, then again at 4am to eat.