Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Did she say Mama??!

Yes! Today at playgroup, Mama L and I were talking and saying how D doesn't really talk. She knows Ball (but doesn't every baby know ball or bah or some form or another of the B sound??), but that's about it. She understands when I speak to her, but she can't speak yet.
And I was playing with L's daughter, L says to D, "Dillon, do you want to say Mama?"
And D says, "Mama?!" while pointing at me!! What??!! Where??!! How th-...
She is full of surprises, this little one.
L and I started cracking up! We were shocked and amused. I'm sure I won't hear that word out of her till she's, like, two. Or even then...
And I swear....this evening when we were going through the pics on our fridge, after I pointed out her cousin, Hope, she repeated, "O-pah"
And then since we were on a roll, I named some other pics on the fridge and after I said, "Aiden", she repeated, "Aay de"!! I swear!! She is going to be speaking sensibly in no time! I can feel it!!
She IS my daughter after all. Talking is an essential part of her being. Hahah!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Peace and quiet, at last

Oh man...it's been a while since G's gone away on a business trip. At least I feel like it. And I gotta tell ya...it's a FULL-TIME JOB watching this little one. Especially now that she's down to one nap a day? I can hardly get any time to myself!
Add on top of that, the fact that I guess she might be teething so she woke up at 1:30am last night crying her eyes out and not wanting to be let go. That's when I kind of wish we had an actual twin bed in her room too so I can just crawl from my bed to that bed and maybe she'd just sleep with me on the bed. Hmmm...something to think about.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Just some cool stuff

D's usual morning routine consists of waking up, playing in her crib for a bit, then playing in her room for a bit, we change and then we head to the kitchen for breakfast. She usually is so anxious for her morning cup of milk that she looks forward to the kitchen and doesn't like to stray much from this routine.
The other morning, however, we came out of her room and she said, "Ba!" (Ba-ba is dad in Chinese. She only says it occasionally so I don't know if that's what she really means), but I replied, Daddy is upstairs sleeping. She points upstairs so I take her up there and put her onto the bed with daddy. We were sitting there and I said to her, "Bao Bae, gay ba-ba ching ching." (translation - Bao Bae, go give daddy a kiss." And would you believe it??! She sat for a second and then crawled over to G and gave him a big kiss!! I was flabbergasted! I mean, I just say these things to her to say it. I can't believe she understands. It's amazing. Babies are amazing...
Yesterday, we were at the mall and I wanted some candy. But I know I can't eat anything in front of D or else she will want some. I mean, if she even sees my mouth moving at all, she will want whatever it is.
But I kid you not. I was careful to stay behind her stroller as I am eating away at my candy (sour taffy) and while I am eating I am talking to G. And NO JOKE, she HEARD me talking with my mouth full and leaned forward in her stroller to crane her neck around and reach out her arms to me as she points for whatever I am eating!! No joke!! No Joke!! I almost choked!! She is crazy!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

The passing of my pup

On the morning of April 14, my beloved Boulder passed away. I am told he passed in his sleep but I was not there to witness it. He was at the vet's office, hooked up to an IV drip and on serious meds for his conjective heart disease. I have never been so heartbroken in my life. My dogs were part of me. I lived my life around them and now, within six months of each other, they have both passed. While I wish I could've been there with Boulder, I know that would've been impossible. If it were just me and him, he probably would have died from suffocation with the fluid in his lungs and his heart not being able to move fast enough. I am also heartened by the fact that he did love his vet dr. and the nurses that worked at the hospital so I am quite sure he felt content and loved to be there as well.
It's also hard to grieve with a baby around because I don't want her to see me so anguished since she doesn't understand what is going on. I would hate for her to think it was something that she might've done. If I could, I would love to just run away and hide for while people seem to be saying, "Well, good thing you have Dillon to focus on..." she is the last thing I want to focus on right now. In fact, it killed me every time I had to choose tending to her over my own pups.
Don't get me wrong, I love D, but I loved the dogs too and they were first into my heart and nothing could replace them. When D was born, my mother was here for a bit to help out and G's mom came out for a bit to help and while they both were attentive to my pups, I worked hard to get out of bed and away from D so that I could take the babies out myself for a walk. I wanted to let them know that they absolutely still mattered. But try as I might, I often did have to focus on D over the babies. In fact, I'm convinced depression is what killed Rocky in the end. He was such a mommy's shadow and was so distraught over having to play second fiddle to something else. You never know...depression can manifest in many ways.
I think my depression manifests as exhaustion. I have felt exhausted ever since Boulder passed away. I cried my fair share, but it is pointless to cry now. No amount of crying could bring him back. And, D is still here so we'd still be in the same predicament. Boulder waiting to be tended to after D...
Yes, the babies did have a great life as they were always first in my life. But in the end they weren't. I really should've waited to have a child. But on the other hand, I really wished that both babies could've stayed alive long enough for D to really get to know them and love on them.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Full time mom?

I just met a mom today that was so cool. Don't know what made her cool, she just had a great energy about her. We were both at this playground. She was with her daughter who is 17 months old and about the same walking "level" as D.
As we got to talking she tells me this is her FOURTH child! Whaaaat??! Well, she looked so young I had to ask, "Did you start having kids when you were 17??!" Actually, she started when she was 24 and had one, then had the other 18 months later and then maybe a couple years later and then the last one a year after that?
This woman had such great energy that I immediately knew I liked her. She made having four kids sound exciting. I even said to her, "Wow, it must be so fun in your household..." to which she responded in her calm way, "Yeaahh..it gets pretty crazy."
And, to top it all off, when I left her and was walking D home in her stroller I even thought to myself, "Wow, she makes having four kids look so easy...hmm, maybe I should forgo my thoughts of career and just become a full time mommy and push out a few more! If I didn't have to worry about work and could just focus on the kids, I could get good at this mommy thing...Could be fun!"
But then I came to my senses. Hey, I ain't no spring chicken. I am NOT pushing out three more puppies with the delusion that our household could be so fun with little kids running around. I am having a hard enough time with my one child and she's not even difficult.
And if I feel like I want some excitement at the house with more kids running around, I'll just invite my new friend and her kids over for the day! Voila! Then I will send her off on her merry way and thank the LORD I kept to my senses after I've closed the door behind her. :oD

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Supah spazz

D woke up at 5am this morning. Interestingly enough, I was wide awake and rarin' to go with her. So, I was totally fine to go pick her up. Of course, I was definitely hoping she'd go back to sleep for another hour with some rocking, but that didn't happen.
Anyhoo, I'm on a new program now and I figure that if she's going to just be taking one nap a day, I might as well put her in the jogger and take her out for a jog in the mornings and include a stop at a playground so she can play around too.
That was my thought this morning so I packed her up and was out the door by a little before 8am. Wouldn't you know it, she fell right asleep not 10 minutes into the run. And she slept all the way to 9:30am! Guess she was tired.
But surely, we thought she'd need another nap by mid-afternoon. I know I sure did. Just a little catnap would've been nice.
And as luck would have it, No. There was no nap to be had by D. She powered through the day. We did try to put her down around 2pm (did we miss the magic window?) and she just jabbered and cried. Finally, G went to pick her up and took her outside to play. I did get my little snoozer.
But seriously. I can't believe she was up from 9:30am - 6:30pm! Whaat?! Who is this silly camper?

Little Kisses

As I was rocking Dillon for her nap yesterday, she kept putting up her head for little kisses! It was so cuuuute! Of course, I should've known that because she was so cute, she wasn't going to take a nap. Oh well, no nappie yesterday.

Friday, April 2, 2010

To ignore...or not?

Okaaay...so D and I had an interesting morning that looking back in retrospect is really quite funny (but not in the bigger scheme of things) :o{
I fixed her a bowl of cut up mango and put her in her high chair. Next thing I know, I am hearing, "pppt" "pppt"...."ppt" I look over and what do I see? Dillon throwing her mango pieces onto the floor! I saw red. How do I deal?
I say "Bao Bae, no!" and pick her right up and put her on the floor. She knows she's done something wrong and starts to cry but then stops as she sees me cleaning up her mess. I then finish cooking her egg and sit her back down with the egg AND the mango and feed her.
Yesterday, she kind of mastered drinking from a regular cup! Plastic, baby cup but I was so impressed! So today, after feeding her I thought why not give her the rest of her milk in a cup? The only thing is, she doesn't quite understand drinking the milk slowly...so I am helping her with her cup.
And because she often hates when we help her, she lost her temper and tossed the cup! Spilling milk all over her table and the floor. Oh boy! So, I picked her right up and put her on the floor!
This time, she didn't cry. She sat for one moment, then walked over by the milk minding her own business. And then after I was done cleaning up the milk, I'm over at the sink doing dishes and I hear HER talking sharply like she's reprimanding someone and then she walks over to the refrigerator where she has some magnets and starts pulling them off and tossing them over by the dog's water bowl, knowing she's not supposed to play around there.
I mean...what's a mother to do?? I don't want to scream at her since she really doesn't quite understand yet, does she?? And now that I've decided to show her when she is doing something wrong by putting her on the floor, she now has incorporated the "reprimanding" part into her personality?? I can never win.

Carrot gratin

I am trying to get more creative again with D's food. Have been scouring the internet for a good carrot gratin recipe. No such thing. But I did find a root vegetable gratin and then I just made up a little recipe.
I shredded a carrot and then boiled it. Then stir fried some chopped onion in butter, added some thyme. When that was done, I mixed some flour in milk and then poured that into the pan with the onion...no reason just cuz (the heat was already turned off on the pan).
Then I took a little ramekin, buttered the sides, put a layer of carrots in, then poured some of the milk mixture, added cheese. Added another layer of carrots, covered with shredded cheese and breadcrumbs and stuck it in the toaster oven at 325 for about 35 minutes.
I don't know if she liked it...G fed her tonight. But I will taste it tomorrow when I feed it to her for lunch again. :o)