Thursday, August 30, 2012

Dealing with adversity

We just spent a week in Portland visiting some friends who have two sons - one is six and one is four. The four year old is a real mean-spirited guy sometimes. So at the beginning of the week, whenever J would do anything - like grab D's toy and keep it from her, D would cry or turn to me and say something like, "Mammmaaa, J took my toy." And I would respond, "Well, did you want to ask him to give it back?" D: "Can you give me back my toy?" J: "No." Me: Well, D, you'll just have to find another toy to play with since these are J's toys...etc. etc. Sometimes, J's mom would jump in to try and get him to share, but sometimes not and then we'd all have to move on somehow. At the end of the week, however, I could see that D was really starting to understand J's motives and was not going to let him have the satisfaction. (Proud moment!!) There was one instance where J scrambled up a monkey bar which he knew was too big for D and then told her she couldn't sit next to him. She called out to me and said, "Mama.." I replied, "Yes" as I was walking to her and she looks at J and then looks away yonder and says to me, "Look at those dinosaur eggs over there!" Thereby, not giving J the satisfaction of letting on that she was bugged by his action! Seriously! That was a proud moment for me. In my mind, I was thinking, "Good for you!!" Then D and I just went off to play something else and J had to come trailing after. Awesome.


D is now REALLY expressing her independence. She wants to do everything herself and I can literally see/feel her wheels spinning as she tries to combat everything I say that disagrees with her. It is cah-razy. About her independence. She doesn't like when people approach us while we are walking our dog, Yoda and I do all the talking. She wants to be the one to tell them Yoda's name. She wants to order her own meals. Not just point out what she wants on the menu, but literally tell the server what she wants. As far as verbal combat, she is quite quick. Will NOT put up with me trying to get her to move faster or do anything she doesn't feel like doing. She is quick to respond, "No, I WILL NOT!" Or "well, then...DON'T TALK TO ME!" Of course, I am always dumbfounded as to how to react when she speaks like that. I understand she is just trying to express her frustration (as probably learned by watching me) so I can't very well reprimand her. Or can I? Not sure. I guess I could respond by gently saying, "That is not very kind. What is it that you are really trying to say here?" Oh, yes! That would be nice response. Rather than what I've done before which is to not respond at all. And by "at all", I mean, I don't speak to her. Just like she's asked and when she is hollering at the top of her lungs for me to answer her when she is talking to me, I politely respond, "You said, 'Don't talk to me' so that is what I am doing." I can be so childish at times. Sorry, my mind works in that childish fashion, that is what D gets as opposed to the more mature response that I just worked out above when I wrote it. Oh well. I'm sure there will be a next time when I can respond appropriately.

Monday, August 27, 2012

It was just a matter of time

Before D picked up on my anger communication...well, basically what I do when I am upset with a person is that I won't talk to them. I've even gone so far as to say to D when I am upset, "I am not speaking with you because I am upset with you!" Today, her dad really made her upset. She was so upset she was sobbing. Then she came to me for comfort and after a while she calmed down a bit. Then her father was calling after her, "D...D...D?" I said, "It would be nice if you answered your father." She replies, "No." So, she's not talking to him because she's mad. Hehehe! Eventually, she got over it (as do I) but she let him know...not the best way to deal with things but you know what they say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all"

Sunday, August 12, 2012


It's amazing how much goes into marketing to kids. And everyone just gobbles it up. It's no secret that D goes to a Waldorf school and true, strict Waldorf schools are very strict about a no media policy and basically, no commercialism. Children are to be sent to school without any cartoons, characters or lettering on their clothes. Parents are encouraged to limit media exposure to none during the school week and maybe one hour total on weekends. I totally buy into that. We do not watch television at our house in front of D at all. Well, unless her father has sports on or the Olympics has been on and she's watched a bit of that. But other than that, nothing. And again, we have also allowed her to watch something on YouTube sometimes, put in Kai Lan or Sound of Music into the DVD player but she definitely does not even get one hour on a weekly basis. I like it like that. Unfortunately, we can't keep her insulated against the whole world so there's the interest in Hello Kitty and Dora, etc etc. on items but she's not bananas about it all. She is, however, very much into "getting things." "Mama, can we get that? Mama I want this.." Thankfully, she doesn't throw tantrums but I just can't get over how much our society feeds into buy more! buy more! It's really gross sometimes. Why can't D ask, "What can we give away?" Instead of "Can I have?" Oh, I know why - because I never ask "What can we give away?" I think D is a bit young right now to start doing community work and volunteering around town but when she is old enough I need to start taking her to places to start donating our time to help others. Her grandmother (G's mom) is a Buddhist and very high up in ranking at their temple. I would like D to follow in her grandmother's footsteps and always be thoughtful and kind and giving and to always have the community's well being in her mind. I am sure Waldorf helps to inspire her in that way.