Saturday, December 18, 2010

Attachment parenting

Well, those who know me know that I am not a big fan of attachment parenting. Dr. Sears be damned! Who is HE to tell us that wearing our babies 24/7 is the proper way to nurture a child?? Sure, there are plenty of other cultures that do wear their newborns on their bodies for at least a year, but those are often underdeveloped countries where the mothers are probably out hunting and gathering too so having a baby strapped to your back is no big deal. Have you ever tried carrying your baby and typing on a computer? Or conduct a conference call? Not too much fun. How about cook a meal over hot fire with oil sparking up? Kind of dangerous.
When my friend, who kind of just fell into attachment parenting because she kind of just LOOVES her son too much to put him down was out visiting once, she did quote a part in the Dr. Sears book that says something to the effect of "you are hindering your child's development process when you let them CIO because they are wasting precious energy crying rather than being calmly nurtured and cuddled in their mothers arms."
That is ridiculous. On the contrary, I don't think D ever slept well while sleeping in my arms. A baby needs to sleep in order for her brain to develop and I don't believe that babies sleep long and hard while being carried. Unless, as a mother you too are sleeping? Who can sleep deeply in/on a moving vehicle? Whether it be a car or a mother?
But I digress. Suffice it to say I am not a fan of attachment parenting. However...somehow this child of mine is VERY ATTACHED to me. A mom friend of mine remarked the other day that a) she was surprised that D wasn't in the same room as me (sarcasm)...and then b) said, "Uhh, D is VERY ATTACHED to you."
Ummm. Yeah. She kind of is. What is up with that??
Well, if I do a little introspection (which I do a lot of...) I really have dug my own grave. It is not so much D that is attached to me I guess but rather I have spent the entirety of her life being attached to her! I know that I try to schedule my runs, my errands, my time away from her during her nap times or after she goes to bed. I tell myself that G has to work so I try not to make him have to watch her during working hours. But really, we all know G doesn't work THAT hard and he is fully capable of watching and caring for D for extended periods of time.
It's funny. People will say, "Ooh, that's so nice that the both of you work from home so D gets to spend time with both of you." That is true in a way, but what really has happened is that D gets me practically 100% of the time and then she just spends pockets of time with her dad. And even those pockets of time are not solo. I am always around. And because I get breaks throughout the day (when G plays with her) there is never that sense of "Here! You take her." That most stay at home moms get when they've been tending to their child all day and Daddy finally gets home.
That's one reason. Another could be because I am a bit of a control freak and I dunno, kinda need to have D with me as much as possible? Or could it really be that I love spending time with this child? Come on now? Really? Me? But, I don't like kids...
The reality is, yes, I love this child. I want to hug her and squeeze her and roll her up into a little ball to fit into my pocket! But, because I spend so much time with her, I start to get irritated over how what once were easy tasks are now made more difficult because I (have) to drag her around. I can't just run out to the store to grab something. I can't just walk through a grocery store and get the things I need and run out. Every task is a process. And yet, on the other hand the reward that comes from letting this process run its course is part of the fun, isn't it? Seeing how she discovers every little thing around her and calls everything that's spiral a snail or everything that has an open mouth a hippo that's yawning.
I'm conflicted.

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