Then and now

I see there is a difference between our generation as parents and our parents' generation.
Back in my parent's generation it seems like everyone was working hard to put food on the table and just getting ahead in life to give their children the best they could in experiences and ability to go to a good college.  And mind you, this is only from a Chinese family background.  I can't speak for anyone else's upbringing.
In our generation as parents I feel like the focus is more on esteem and making sure that we communicate to our children in such a way that they feel strong and connected.  It's more about the communication factor whereas back in the day, when we were kids, communication was just not a big focus.  What was a big focus was doing well in school, making sure you had the proper manners and the only communication that was going on was barking of orders and a lot of, "Do it because we told you to. Because we are your parents."  No questions asked.
It seems as if raising kids in that type of environment might've been easier since you really didn't care if your child cried herself to sleep.  The notion was, "You do as I say because I am your parent.  I feed you, I care for you, I provide for you.  And when you get older you will understand all that I am doing."
In my perspective, now that I am older I do understand all that my parents were doing for me.  But, oh how I wish they had taken the time to communicate with me so that I could've understood back then.  So I wouldn't have spent all those lost years in school because I just didn't understand the importance of a good educational foundation and I just didn't care because that was how I was going to rebel.
I wish there was more of an emphasis on love and respect (mutual) and showing of it rather than pretending tenderness was for suckers.
On the flip side, somehow, I feel like sometimes society has gotten just a tad lax about disciplining their children.  Because many parents don't want to upset their children or in trying to not harm a child's self-esteem, you inadvertently raise a very egotistical child that doesn't understand why the world does not revolve around him.
Truly, at the end of the day, I tend to think as long as you are not constantly beating and berating your child, he might just turn out all right.  Sometimes, what a child is made to overcome just makes him stronger, right?  I spend a lot of time trying to figure out the best way to communicate to my daughter.  But I also need to remind myself that she is a resilient child and if I fall of my rocker sometimes, it's okay. Everything will be all right because at the end of the day, I am a human being and I am not perfect, but I love her and this love emanates from the deepest part of my soul to touch the deepest part of her soul.

A temper check

Yes, I'm famously hot-tempered.  I've blogged about my inability to just keep my temper in check.
However, I must commend myself that I have been doing a much better job at not "losing it" when dealing with D.  She's not by any means a terrible child.  She never throws tantrums or really does anything to warrant my temper, I am just easily frustrated.
The other day, I was asking her to put her crayons away quickly because we had to leave (rule number 1 - never rush a child because you have not been conscientious of time...) and she was moving very, very slooowwwly.  So, I started to scream (because I was frustrated) and she in turn, shouted back, "Stop it!!  Stop yelling at me!"
Yes.  She did.  And I appreciated it because then I realized it was not her fault that she was moving so slow and that we were running late.  Chillaaax...
Obviously, my ideal would've been to just let the crayons stay there and not rush her at all but of course, I wasn't thinking with a clear mind at the time.  You see, I am not programmed that way.  Have you met my family??

From the mouths of babes

We saw this the other morning....

And D said, "Look, he's dressed up like a cow!"

crazytown

This morning D was acting like CRAZYTOWN! I mean, we don't know..did she get up on the wrong side of the bed or what? She was throwing tantrums like it's nobody's business.

This morning, all I could think was, "Thank goodness for school. Get this girl away from me."

And you know she doesn't throw tantrums in school so it's a win-win for everybody.

The mind of a three year old

The other morning I was frantically looking for my car keys. We were running late for school and I never really put my keys anywhere but in the side pocket of my bag or in the dish that holds all keys. This particular morning my keys were nowhere to be found. I am digging through my bag, looking in pants and jacket pockets all the while saying, "Where are my keys? I can't find my keys."

D's following me around saying, "Mama, what are you doing?"

While I reply, "D, I can't find my keys."

I even look in G's office. Nowhere.

In my mind I am thinking there's no way D could've taken them. Plus, never mind asking her since the last time we played this game (about 5 months ago or more) she blankly just said, "No, I haven't seen the flashlight...." Though later we found it in her play purse.

But I was at a loss so I turned to D and said, "D, did you play with mommy's keys?"

D replies, "Uh-huh!" Nodding a yes!

I say, "Do you remember where you put them?"

D replies happily, "Uh-huh! Of course!" And she points them out behind the coat rack where she's also stored my hand sanitizer and her dad's hair gel.

I mean, that just goes to show you how simple is the mind of a three year old. She was not connecting that I was running around looking for my keys and that I wouldn't know she misplaced them. But when I asked her directly she could answer.

She's like me!

Normally when I am posting that D is like me I am lamenting because clearly she has inherited my terrible temper and my loud mouth. I think she's also a bit shy which is odd since I don't think I became shy until waaay later in life.

(Those who know me would be surprised to hear me refer to myself as "shy" but people, please don't confuse snarky and sarcasm with being shy. :o) Yes, I tend to be "shy" in crowd situations, but I get to know people right quickly and then I don't beat around the bush being sarcastic and acting like I've known you forever.)

Lately, I've been noticing that D is very precise when she is eating. She likes to eat the frosting off first, then the cake, that sort of thing. That is like me when I was younger! In fact, I still do that sometimes. While eating a kit kat, I don't just bite into it. I like to eat the chocolate off first, then eat the waffle pieces separately. It's kind of neat to see how D is like me in that way. Maybe not quite to that extreme.

A little smugness

Now that D's a bit older we are not so crazy about her taking naps. If she misses one, we don't get all crazy on her. But we are better off if she does take her nap so she's kinder, not so crazy, whiney and needy.

The other day, she goes out with her dad on an adventure, falls asleep in the car on the way home and then wakes up when they get home, but she has not napped long enough. She's crying and saying she wants a light saber (which was what her father promised her before they even left the house) So he takes her to get a light saber, we have lunch when they get home and dad says, "Okay, D, you know you need to go take a nap now, right?" She responds, "Yes."

She takes her little blankie and goes off to her bed.

She's quiet in there, we're ignoring her but then 40 minutes later, Dad goes to suit up for a bike ride and as soon as he leaves the house, D comes out.

I say, "Did you take a nap?" She says, "No..."

I respond, "Okay. That's fine."

So she goes about her merry business. We're having a fine time.

Dad comes home and I say to him, "Your daughter did not take a nap today...."

Dad say, "Oh, I know. She was talking to me when I was in the garage so I told her just to go out of her room if she didn't feel like napping."

I'm sitting around in my office, doing some work and D is flitting about the house just happy as a clam.

And at one point, she prances into my room and prances out mockingly repeating in a sing-songy voice, "Your daughter did not take a nap today..." as she happily exits my room!

Seriously?? This girl is too much.