D has been sick and she has a runny nose. The constant sniffling is maddening but besides that, I really believe that if you blow the gunk out of your nose, the sooner you will get better because it's just getting all the gunk out instead of recirculating it through the throat and the mouth. Do you ever notice how you'd sniffle and then cough immediately? Cuz you are choking on your snot? Too graphic? Maybe, but I'm just explaining my thought process.
So today G and I have been trying our darnedest to get D to blow her nose since for some reason, she doesn't like to do it. Maybe just exercising her right to say No?
Anyhoo, we are going about our day, I ask D what she'd like to have for lunch. She says dim sum (her favorite). Then I'm asking her to blow her nose, she says no so I reply, "Then no dim sum." And daddy concurs. Then it keeps going on and on...D, if you don't blow your nose, you won't get a toothbrush from the dentist. If you don't blow your nose then we won't do this.
I mean, seriously. What is WRONG with us??
While we are in the car and D has fallen asleep I turn to G and say, "y'know, it doesn't feel good to do that to D. I don't want to put something in front of her only to snatch it away. That just doesn't feel right."
And G concurs.
After naptime, D still does not want to blow her nose.
I try a positive approach, "D, remember earlier this morning when mama asked you to blow your nose and you said no at first, but then you told me later that you were ready to blow your nose? Let's do that. Why don't you tell me when you want to blow your nose?"
She just responds, "No." So she's not doing it.
Still going along the day with her not blowing her nose, but constantly wiping her nose on her sleeve. Yuck.
Then, we are sitting in her room playing and I finally say, "D, it's fine if you don't blow your nose, but I can't stand to listen to it so I have to leave."
D: No, don't leave!
Me: Well, will you blow your nose?
Me: Well, then I have to go
And I promptly get up and leave the room.
What is wrong with me? Really. What is wrong with me?? Some might think - It's a control thing. But it's not! I just don't know why she won't do something that is good for her and will make her feel better??
She ends up just sitting in her room. She doesn't move. She is clearly not happy but she's not going to cry about it.
Later, I have to go to the market and I'm surprise to find her sitting in the same spot where I left her (about 10 minutes ago...not like her) and I say, "D would you like to come with me to the market?"
I see her eyes. She is sad. She wants to say yes, but she is hesitant because she doesn't want this to be another incident where I say she has to blow her nose first.
Oh, when I see the sadness in her eyes, it just kills me. I am such a horrible mother sometimes!! Tomorrow I will speak to her. I will tell her that what I did made me feel terrible and I don't want to do that again. I love her too much.