Looking in the mirror

Through Dillon I am realizing that I am a) quite anal and b) quite controlling and c) that my world is not the world according to Belinda anymore. It's the world according to Dillon and that world includes Greg and his points of view because he is her father.
I don't dictate what goes on in my life anymore. Case in point. I'm sure I've mentioned on this blog several times how I'd like to give up breast feeding. I just don't make ample amounts of milk, we always have to supplement and for a while, Greg's pro-bf stance had me feeling a bit guilty until one day I thought and stated, "I am weaning Dillon off breastfeeding." Why? Because I hate not knowing how much she is getting. I want her strictly on formula so I can monitor/dictate how much she is eating and get her on a schedule. I said, "This is not a discussion. I just don't want to do it anymore." So, Greg was like, "Okaaaay...."
When Dillon woke up from her nap (she usually gets the boob), I went and picked her up and proceeded to pop a bottle in her mouth. She started crying. She was so sad. The boob went right in. I am currently now still breastfeeding. :o)
As far as controlling how much she eats, that could still be addressed (so I thought). She can have the boob, but I will just feed her formula after and a specified amount each time so she is getting a specified amount at regular intervals. (I need some structure in my life!) Well, according to Dillon, I don't need structure in my life. She does not take the bottle after she breastfeeds. She cries out when she is hungry and she will eat however much she wants when she wants.
Case in point, the other night at 4am, Dillon took in 8.5 ozs! That's a record amount for her in one sitting and at 4am no less. Well, that same day then she ate no more formula until about 3pm that day whereas normally she takes in formula before she takes a nap each time she takes a nap (3 times a day). Yes, as I was packing her up to go out in the car, she decides she's hungry so as I am standing there feeding her formula while she is in her car seat I am realizing that I need to just let go and go with the flow...and that thought - that my life is now the World According to Dillon just made me laugh out loud. She really is something...and having to take a good hard look at myself in the mirror is really eye-opening as well. ;o)
Sure, it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, but I sure as heck am trying.