A looong day

Dillon had a super long day yesterday. Usually, she gets up around 6:30am, I feed her and then Greg takes her from 7am so I can get some sleep, take a shower or get some work done. She then goes down around 9ish for a nap and then gets up, etc. Takes on the day.
Yesterday, she didn't go down for her nap really. Was just up. Then we took her out with us to Whole Foods and Trader Joe's, pick up some stuff from CVS. Well, she didn't do too well in the car either. Usually, she's go down with the lull of the car driving, but this time she was super cranky. I didn't bring the binky either which sometimes she'll take to pacify herself. Finally, at CVS I pulled her out and changed her diaper and fed her. She was then fine. Pacified, though still no nap. I think she was mainly cranky because she was STARVING. I had fed her before we left the house, but we didn't end up leaving immediately, in fact it might've been 30 minutes before we actually left the house so by the time we went to three different places, she was starved. Whoops! Can't imagine what that must've felt like.
Auntie Miki showed up around 5pm. I had gotten Dillon down for a nap from about 4pm and I think she slept til about 6pm. Then she was up. But that's rare for Dillon because she usually goes down to sleep by about 6:30 or 7p and sleeps until we take her up to bed around 10p. Because we had Miki and our neighbor, Court, over for dinner and there was so much talking I think Dillon wanted to be part of the action so she was up from 6pm until around 9! She was just up and looking around and hangin. A little bit of fussiness but nothing too drastic.
At one point, it was kind of cool because Miki was holding Dillon and she noticed that every time I would talk, Dillon would strain her eyes and neck towards the direction of my voice! That's cool, right?
Of course, would I give 10 months, some major surgery and a few months of sleepless nights to experience that? Uh, no. But, since I've already gone through all that, might as well enjoy these moments of new learnings with the new baby when they occur. Hehehe.
To be honest, I'm not quite sure what's going on with Dillon these past days. She is having a hard time going down, but then she's cranky as all heck because I think she's so tired. It is now 3pm and she has not gone down for a nap!
It's really crazy because in the first couple weeks, we are trying to form a rhythm with the baby, feeding, sleeping, etc. And so we think we have it down pat. The whole schedule mentioned above and then we know when we have some time to get stuff done. But now, she's changing again and staying awake longer, which is good. I think she's really getting to know the difference between day and night. However, now that she is up longer, it means we need to spend more time with her. Soo tiring...I guess the "being present" comes and goes for me. I do find myself counting the minutes to when I can put her down and do something else. Is that bad? Does that make me a bad mommy? I mean, no offense to Dillon, but I'm the sort of person who can't just sit and watch a tv show. I have to be doing something else while watching tv - whether it's reading a book or magazine or crocheting or being online. So, to be tied to playing with the baby and then feeding her is just so time consuming...especially at times like these when she just won't go down. So this whole day has pretty much been about catering to her. I know, I know that's what you're supposed to do when you have a baby, but heck, I am having a hard time grasping that concept. Really. I'm the worst. :o)