Adults are...such a snore

I know I talk about D going to a Waldorf school a lot...or do I only do that in person? Anyhoo, I am very pleased with the whole Waldorf philosophy. What I really love is that they try to preserve childhood and the wonders of childhood. So much so that they really frown upon media since media oftentimes really just exhibits adult appropriate content. But, besides that, in the classroom and the teachers try to maintain fantasy in the children's minds. They tell stories in the oral tradition so the children make up images in their own minds as the story unfolds. They tell stories about gnomes and fairies. I love all that. Remember when we used to be engrossed in all that? And then we grew up and the real world seems all we are able to connect with. Sad. Case in point, the other day while D and I were out walking, she picked up a young acorn. She said, "Look! An apple with a hat!" And of course, I agreed. "Oh what a lovely apple with a hat!" And D was so happy with her find. "Why does the apple have a hat, mama?" Me: "Well, I'm not so sure..." And then D sees a woman up ahead walking her dog and she runs up to the lady and says, "Look! I found an apple with a hat!" And what does that darn lady do?? She says this: "A what?" D replies again with the apple with a hat and the lady says, "Oh, or what is commonly known as an acorn!" With a stupid big smile on her face. I was so irritated!!! For goodness sakes, woman! Can you not see that my daughter is a mere three years old. Let her think that acorn is an apple with a hat! DRATS!! Stupid adults. And from that moment on, D referred to her find as an acorn with a hat. Stupid adults.

Dealing with adversity

We just spent a week in Portland visiting some friends who have two sons - one is six and one is four. The four year old is a real mean-spirited guy sometimes. So at the beginning of the week, whenever J would do anything - like grab D's toy and keep it from her, D would cry or turn to me and say something like, "Mammmaaa, J took my toy." And I would respond, "Well, did you want to ask him to give it back?" D: "Can you give me back my toy?" J: "No." Me: Well, D, you'll just have to find another toy to play with since these are J's toys...etc. etc. Sometimes, J's mom would jump in to try and get him to share, but sometimes not and then we'd all have to move on somehow. At the end of the week, however, I could see that D was really starting to understand J's motives and was not going to let him have the satisfaction. (Proud moment!!) There was one instance where J scrambled up a monkey bar which he knew was too big for D and then told her she couldn't sit next to him. She called out to me and said, "Mama.." I replied, "Yes" as I was walking to her and she looks at J and then looks away yonder and says to me, "Look at those dinosaur eggs over there!" Thereby, not giving J the satisfaction of letting on that she was bugged by his action! Seriously! That was a proud moment for me. In my mind, I was thinking, "Good for you!!" Then D and I just went off to play something else and J had to come trailing after. Awesome.

Independence

D is now REALLY expressing her independence. She wants to do everything herself and I can literally see/feel her wheels spinning as she tries to combat everything I say that disagrees with her. It is cah-razy. About her independence. She doesn't like when people approach us while we are walking our dog, Yoda and I do all the talking. She wants to be the one to tell them Yoda's name. She wants to order her own meals. Not just point out what she wants on the menu, but literally tell the server what she wants. As far as verbal combat, she is quite quick. Will NOT put up with me trying to get her to move faster or do anything she doesn't feel like doing. She is quick to respond, "No, I WILL NOT!" Or "well, then...DON'T TALK TO ME!" Of course, I am always dumbfounded as to how to react when she speaks like that. I understand she is just trying to express her frustration (as probably learned by watching me) so I can't very well reprimand her. Or can I? Not sure. I guess I could respond by gently saying, "That is not very kind. What is it that you are really trying to say here?" Oh, yes! That would be nice response. Rather than what I've done before which is to not respond at all. And by "at all", I mean, I don't speak to her. Just like she's asked and when she is hollering at the top of her lungs for me to answer her when she is talking to me, I politely respond, "You said, 'Don't talk to me' so that is what I am doing." I can be so childish at times. Sorry, my mind works in that childish fashion, unfortunately...so that is what D gets as opposed to the more mature response that I just worked out above when I wrote it. Oh well. I'm sure there will be a next time when I can respond appropriately.

It was just a matter of time

Before D picked up on my anger communication...well, basically what I do when I am upset with a person is that I won't talk to them. I've even gone so far as to say to D when I am upset, "I am not speaking with you because I am upset with you!" Today, her dad really made her upset. She was so upset she was sobbing. Then she came to me for comfort and after a while she calmed down a bit. Then her father was calling after her, "D...D...D?" I said, "It would be nice if you answered your father." She replies, "No." So, she's not talking to him because she's mad. Hehehe! Eventually, she got over it (as do I) but she let him know...not the best way to deal with things but you know what they say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all"

Commercialism

It's amazing how much goes into marketing to kids. And everyone just gobbles it up. It's no secret that D goes to a Waldorf school and true, strict Waldorf schools are very strict about a no media policy and basically, no commercialism. Children are to be sent to school without any cartoons, characters or lettering on their clothes. Parents are encouraged to limit media exposure to none during the school week and maybe one hour total on weekends. I totally buy into that. We do not watch television at our house in front of D at all. Well, unless her father has sports on or the Olympics has been on and she's watched a bit of that. But other than that, nothing. And again, we have also allowed her to watch something on YouTube sometimes, put in Kai Lan or Sound of Music into the DVD player but she definitely does not even get one hour on a weekly basis. I like it like that. Unfortunately, we can't keep her insulated against the whole world so there's the interest in Hello Kitty and Dora, etc etc. on items but she's not bananas about it all. She is, however, very much into "getting things." "Mama, can we get that? Mama I want this.." Thankfully, she doesn't throw tantrums but I just can't get over how much our society feeds into buy more! buy more! It's really gross sometimes. Why can't D ask, "What can we give away?" Instead of "Can I have?" Oh, I know why - because I never ask "What can we give away?" I think D is a bit young right now to start doing community work and volunteering around town but when she is old enough I need to start taking her to places to start donating our time to help others. Her grandmother (G's mom) is a Buddhist and very high up in ranking at their temple. I would like D to follow in her grandmother's footsteps and always be thoughtful and kind and giving and to always have the community's well being in her mind. I am sure Waldorf helps to inspire her in that way.

Don't like being told what to do

I was mentioning to G the other day how D really does not like being told what to do. For instance, we were on a walk. She was walking on a beam that did not look too sturdy so I said, "Better watch out D. You shouldn't walk on that because you could hurt yourself." And D got all grumpy looking and said, "Don't say that to me!" Me: I just don't want you to fall off. D: I won't! I wasn't going to... So, I am telling G this and his response is, "Neither do you. You don't like being told what to do." And I said, "Neither do you!" And Greg says, "I know. None of us like being told what to do. We are a "don't tell us what to do family." Ha!

Not one of my better mommy moments

Was at an amusement park today with D, her cousins and her best friend, M.  M and D had to use the restroom.  We walk in and there's a mommy, kiddie bathroom with a big person toilet and a mini toilet.  I, as well as the girls, was really excited.  "Look!!  It's a mini toilet!"
Bad move...bad move to get excited about the toilet but probably just a bad move to take two girls to the bathroom together because someone has to go first!  But who?
So, now you see where I'm going with this.  Both girls exclaim she wants to be the first to go.  So I say, "Okay, let's play rock, paper, scissors to see who goes first."
M ends up winning (another boo because somehow I think M would've taken her lot as second on the toilet a little better than D would..) and as one would expect, D threw a fit.
Now, I'm so nervous that she's thrown herself into a tizzy and is going to piss her pants if she doesn't get on a toilet!  Aaack!
So, I say, "M, are you done?"
M: No, I have to poo.  (WHAAAT??!)
Me:  I wish you would've told me that before because D would've just pee'd and gotten off the pot..
Maddy gets up and makes room for D to go.  D goes.
Me: D, are you done peeing?
D:  I have to go poo.
(WHAAT??  DOUBLE WHAAAT?!!)
Me: M, would you mind just going poo on the big toilet?
M obliges.  Thankfully.  Then I turn to D and say, "You better squeeze out a poop otherwise you are going back to the car!  We will not stay here because you will have lied."
In the meantime, M poos and all is well.  Now we are just waiting on D.
Me:  You better poo D.....
D:  My poo is having a hard time coming out.
Me:  Well, you better poo or else you are going to the car.
Finally, D squeezes out a poo

Oh LORD!!  What is wrong with me??  I have probably traumatized my daughter like nothin' else!  Well, truly her whole environment from birth might've messed her up a bit...but this might be the icing on the cake.  Seriously.  I don't know just what overcomes me.  I need to work on the non-violent communication thing.  I mean,  I need to work on a lot of things but this might be a priority. :o)