It was just a matter of time

Before D picked up on my anger communication...well, basically what I do when I am upset with a person is that I won't talk to them. I've even gone so far as to say to D when I am upset, "I am not speaking with you because I am upset with you!" Today, her dad really made her upset. She was so upset she was sobbing. Then she came to me for comfort and after a while she calmed down a bit. Then her father was calling after her, "D...D...D?" I said, "It would be nice if you answered your father." She replies, "No." So, she's not talking to him because she's mad. Hehehe! Eventually, she got over it (as do I) but she let him know...not the best way to deal with things but you know what they say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all"

Commercialism

It's amazing how much goes into marketing to kids. And everyone just gobbles it up. It's no secret that D goes to a Waldorf school and true, strict Waldorf schools are very strict about a no media policy and basically, no commercialism. Children are to be sent to school without any cartoons, characters or lettering on their clothes. Parents are encouraged to limit media exposure to none during the school week and maybe one hour total on weekends. I totally buy into that. We do not watch television at our house in front of D at all. Well, unless her father has sports on or the Olympics has been on and she's watched a bit of that. But other than that, nothing. And again, we have also allowed her to watch something on YouTube sometimes, put in Kai Lan or Sound of Music into the DVD player but she definitely does not even get one hour on a weekly basis. I like it like that. Unfortunately, we can't keep her insulated against the whole world so there's the interest in Hello Kitty and Dora, etc etc. on items but she's not bananas about it all. She is, however, very much into "getting things." "Mama, can we get that? Mama I want this.." Thankfully, she doesn't throw tantrums but I just can't get over how much our society feeds into buy more! buy more! It's really gross sometimes. Why can't D ask, "What can we give away?" Instead of "Can I have?" Oh, I know why - because I never ask "What can we give away?" I think D is a bit young right now to start doing community work and volunteering around town but when she is old enough I need to start taking her to places to start donating our time to help others. Her grandmother (G's mom) is a Buddhist and very high up in ranking at their temple. I would like D to follow in her grandmother's footsteps and always be thoughtful and kind and giving and to always have the community's well being in her mind. I am sure Waldorf helps to inspire her in that way.

Don't like being told what to do

I was mentioning to G the other day how D really does not like being told what to do. For instance, we were on a walk. She was walking on a beam that did not look too sturdy so I said, "Better watch out D. You shouldn't walk on that because you could hurt yourself." And D got all grumpy looking and said, "Don't say that to me!" Me: I just don't want you to fall off. D: I won't! I wasn't going to... So, I am telling G this and his response is, "Neither do you. You don't like being told what to do." And I said, "Neither do you!" And Greg says, "I know. None of us like being told what to do. We are a "don't tell us what to do family." Ha!

Not one of my better mommy moments

Was at an amusement park today with D, her cousins and her best friend, M.  M and D had to use the restroom.  We walk in and there's a mommy, kiddie bathroom with a big person toilet and a mini toilet.  I, as well as the girls, was really excited.  "Look!!  It's a mini toilet!"
Bad move...bad move to get excited about the toilet but probably just a bad move to take two girls to the bathroom together because someone has to go first!  But who?
So, now you see where I'm going with this.  Both girls exclaim she wants to be the first to go.  So I say, "Okay, let's play rock, paper, scissors to see who goes first."
M ends up winning (another boo because somehow I think M would've taken her lot as second on the toilet a little better than D would..) and as one would expect, D threw a fit.
Now, I'm so nervous that she's thrown herself into a tizzy and is going to piss her pants if she doesn't get on a toilet!  Aaack!
So, I say, "M, are you done?"
M: No, I have to poo.  (WHAAAT??!)
Me:  I wish you would've told me that before because D would've just pee'd and gotten off the pot..
Maddy gets up and makes room for D to go.  D goes.
Me: D, are you done peeing?
D:  I have to go poo.
(WHAAT??  DOUBLE WHAAAT?!!)
Me: M, would you mind just going poo on the big toilet?
M obliges.  Thankfully.  Then I turn to D and say, "You better squeeze out a poop otherwise you are going back to the car!  We will not stay here because you will have lied."
In the meantime, M poos and all is well.  Now we are just waiting on D.
Me:  You better poo D.....
D:  My poo is having a hard time coming out.
Me:  Well, you better poo or else you are going to the car.
Finally, D squeezes out a poo

Oh LORD!!  What is wrong with me??  I have probably traumatized my daughter like nothin' else!  Well, truly her whole environment from birth might've messed her up a bit...but this might be the icing on the cake.  Seriously.  I don't know just what overcomes me.  I need to work on the non-violent communication thing.  I mean,  I need to work on a lot of things but this might be a priority. :o)

Then and now

I see there is a difference between our generation as parents and our parents' generation.
Back in my parent's generation it seems like everyone was working hard to put food on the table and just getting ahead in life to give their children the best they could in experiences and ability to go to a good college.  And mind you, this is only from a Chinese family background.  I can't speak for anyone else's upbringing.
In our generation as parents I feel like the focus is more on esteem and making sure that we communicate to our children in such a way that they feel strong and connected.  It's more about the communication factor whereas back in the day, when we were kids, communication was just not a big focus.  What was a big focus was doing well in school, making sure you had the proper manners and the only communication that was going on was barking of orders and a lot of, "Do it because we told you to. Because we are your parents."  No questions asked.
It seems as if raising kids in that type of environment might've been easier since you really didn't care if your child cried herself to sleep.  The notion was, "You do as I say because I am your parent.  I feed you, I care for you, I provide for you.  And when you get older you will understand all that I am doing."
In my perspective, now that I am older I do understand all that my parents were doing for me.  But, oh how I wish they had taken the time to communicate with me so that I could've understood back then.  So I wouldn't have spent all those lost years in school because I just didn't understand the importance of a good educational foundation and I just didn't care because that was how I was going to rebel.
I wish there was more of an emphasis on love and respect (mutual) and showing of it rather than pretending tenderness was for suckers.
On the flip side, somehow, I feel like sometimes society has gotten just a tad lax about disciplining their children.  Because many parents don't want to upset their children or in trying to not harm a child's self-esteem, you inadvertently raise a very egotistical child that doesn't understand why the world does not revolve around him.
Truly, at the end of the day, I tend to think as long as you are not constantly beating and berating your child, he might just turn out all right.  Sometimes, what a child is made to overcome just makes him stronger, right?  I spend a lot of time trying to figure out the best way to communicate to my daughter.  But I also need to remind myself that she is a resilient child and if I fall of my rocker sometimes, it's okay. Everything will be all right because at the end of the day, I am a human being and I am not perfect, but I love her and this love emanates from the deepest part of my soul to touch the deepest part of her soul.

A temper check

Yes, I'm famously hot-tempered.  I've blogged about my inability to just keep my temper in check.
However, I must commend myself that I have been doing a much better job at not "losing it" when dealing with D.  She's not by any means a terrible child.  She never throws tantrums or really does anything to warrant my temper, I am just easily frustrated.
The other day, I was asking her to put her crayons away quickly because we had to leave (rule number 1 - never rush a child because you have not been conscientious of time...) and she was moving very, very slooowwwly.  So, I started to scream (because I was frustrated) and she in turn, shouted back, "Stop it!!  Stop yelling at me!"
Yes.  She did.  And I appreciated it because then I realized it was not her fault that she was moving so slow and that we were running late.  Chillaaax...
Obviously, my ideal would've been to just let the crayons stay there and not rush her at all but of course, I wasn't thinking with a clear mind at the time.  You see, I am not programmed that way.  Have you met my family??

From the mouths of babes

We saw this the other morning....

And D said, "Look, he's dressed up like a cow!"