If I were a different mom

It's been a while since I've posted...but now I think I will swing back in. This is where I talk about parenting trials and tribulations...my other blogs is about sunny, happy things and beauty discoveries. :o) Today I walked outside with D to walk the dog. Before walking out she asked, "What shoes are you wearing?" I replied, "My running shoes. They are outside." D then put on her running shoes and was excited to go outside to fetch my running shoes. Now, the reason why my running shoes are outside is because I ran in them and they have sand on them. So I leave them outside so as not to track the sand. Because I am who I am, I expect D to know that. So, when she runs outside and pulls my shoes out for me and drops then on the porch all happy.... I respond by saying, "D! Now why would you do that! My shoes are outside because they have sand all over them. Now you've gotten sand all over our front porch!" D: No, you did by leaving them there... She ignored me. THANKFULLY!! After this episode, I thought to myself - If I were a different mother, a different person altogether I guess I would have responded in a delightful, thoughtful way with the following: "Oh thank you, D! That is so sweet of you to get my shoes. Oh, look, mommy's shoes have sand on them. We will have to sweep that up later." Oh...all day long I aspire, I aspire. It is so hard being me and being a mom...Tomorrow. Let's see if I can do better tomorrow.

On vacation

The fam just recently took a vacation to Ixtapa, Mexico. A Club Med. Whilst on vacation I thought I might try to "relax" a little and just let D be a kid and do kid things like...spill her drink, squirm in her seat, play around while eating. Well, that didn't happen. Just as soon as I made the decision to do so, we headed off to the dining room for lunch and the first thing I did was remind her to use her fork to eat. And then that just followed with, please sit properly when you eat..."less playing, more eating please..." and so on and so forth. I think I need to just come to terms that I am just not that mom. The kind that just loves her child to death that nothing he/she does is wrong. And I don't even mean to that extreme. I just don't know how to not discipline where I think discipline is due, which happens to be all times. Sad, isn't it?

Baby Free Weekend

Last weekend, I had a lovely weekend with a gf. Just me and S in Napa Valley. I took D to her aunt's house to spend the weekend, I spent the weekend in Napa and G spent the weekend back at home. I had a lovely time..when S asked, "What's G doing this weekend?" I replied, "Dunno. Probably crying because he hates to be away from his girls." S thought I was kidding but then she realized I was not. It's true, he misses us terribly when we are away and then towards the end of the weekend, S was commenting about how she was starting to miss her girls too...yet, when she asked me if I was missing my G and D I truthfully responded, Nope. And I didn't. It's funny, when I am away from my family, I just don't miss them. I have never missed my family...I love them dearly and would do anything for them and when I am with them I am fully vested. But when I am away, I am away. I suppose if I were going to be away for 2 weeks or a month, I would probably miss seeing D and G but as it is I am hardly ever away from either of them! And it's crazy. I know I've written before about how attached D is to me, and everyone always says, "Oh, that's normal. Hello, you are her mom." But, no. It's truly weird. When I got back to R's house, yes D was excited to see me but I think her heart hurt a little that we had flown to her aunt's house together and then I went off for the weekend. She did not want to leave my side the minute I got back. When we made a trip to Target, firstly, she didn't want to go because she just wanted to be with me inside the house. But we had to get out so her cousin could nap. In the car, she wanted me to sit next to her but I couldn't because N's car seat was situated there. I said I would sit in front but hold her hand. That was not good enough for her. She broke down into tears and she wouldn't even look at me because she was so upset. I mean...I am not joking. Is that crazy? This girl loves her mama. So, anyhow, that last weekend REALLY made me feel bad about D. It's like she doesn't want to lose that connection we have and now I don't either. It really made my heart hurt to see how sad she was. I mean...I don't have a heart but I found one this past weekend.

Mixed messages

Sometimes, Hubby and I really need to get on the same page. This morning, D runs in and says to me, "Mommy! We have to buy new marshmallows." I reply, "But we have some." D: "No, Daddy says those are molded. They are spoiled so we have to buy new ones." In my mind, I am thinking I want to try and educate her on how bad marshmallows are so I say, "Nooo, marshmallows don't go bad. They have a very long shelf life..." I'm sure that thought was lost on her but even as I said it, I thought, "Oh, wait, maybe G told her that story because he was trying to redirect her from wanting the marshmallows" therefore telling her they are molded. We all know marshmallows don't mold. So, then I quickly reply, "Well..okay. I guess we will have to buy more marshamallows..." Done. Phew! Apparently, she probably didn't even care about the marshmallows because she didn't push the issue which she usually ALWAYS does because this girl is OBSESSED with sugar. It's terribly irritating.

Adults are...such a snore

I know I talk about D going to a Waldorf school a lot...or do I only do that in person? Anyhoo, I am very pleased with the whole Waldorf philosophy. What I really love is that they try to preserve childhood and the wonders of childhood. So much so that they really frown upon media since media oftentimes really just exhibits adult appropriate content. But, besides that, in the classroom and the teachers try to maintain fantasy in the children's minds. They tell stories in the oral tradition so the children make up images in their own minds as the story unfolds. They tell stories about gnomes and fairies. I love all that. Remember when we used to be engrossed in all that? And then we grew up and the real world seems all we are able to connect with. Sad. Case in point, the other day while D and I were out walking, she picked up a young acorn. She said, "Look! An apple with a hat!" And of course, I agreed. "Oh what a lovely apple with a hat!" And D was so happy with her find. "Why does the apple have a hat, mama?" Me: "Well, I'm not so sure..." And then D sees a woman up ahead walking her dog and she runs up to the lady and says, "Look! I found an apple with a hat!" And what does that darn lady do?? She says this: "A what?" D replies again with the apple with a hat and the lady says, "Oh, or what is commonly known as an acorn!" With a stupid big smile on her face. I was so irritated!!! For goodness sakes, woman! Can you not see that my daughter is a mere three years old. Let her think that acorn is an apple with a hat! DRATS!! Stupid adults. And from that moment on, D referred to her find as an acorn with a hat. Stupid adults.

Dealing with adversity

We just spent a week in Portland visiting some friends who have two sons - one is six and one is four. The four year old is a real mean-spirited guy sometimes. So at the beginning of the week, whenever J would do anything - like grab D's toy and keep it from her, D would cry or turn to me and say something like, "Mammmaaa, J took my toy." And I would respond, "Well, did you want to ask him to give it back?" D: "Can you give me back my toy?" J: "No." Me: Well, D, you'll just have to find another toy to play with since these are J's toys...etc. etc. Sometimes, J's mom would jump in to try and get him to share, but sometimes not and then we'd all have to move on somehow. At the end of the week, however, I could see that D was really starting to understand J's motives and was not going to let him have the satisfaction. (Proud moment!!) There was one instance where J scrambled up a monkey bar which he knew was too big for D and then told her she couldn't sit next to him. She called out to me and said, "Mama.." I replied, "Yes" as I was walking to her and she looks at J and then looks away yonder and says to me, "Look at those dinosaur eggs over there!" Thereby, not giving J the satisfaction of letting on that she was bugged by his action! Seriously! That was a proud moment for me. In my mind, I was thinking, "Good for you!!" Then D and I just went off to play something else and J had to come trailing after. Awesome.

Independence

D is now REALLY expressing her independence. She wants to do everything herself and I can literally see/feel her wheels spinning as she tries to combat everything I say that disagrees with her. It is cah-razy. About her independence. She doesn't like when people approach us while we are walking our dog, Yoda and I do all the talking. She wants to be the one to tell them Yoda's name. She wants to order her own meals. Not just point out what she wants on the menu, but literally tell the server what she wants. As far as verbal combat, she is quite quick. Will NOT put up with me trying to get her to move faster or do anything she doesn't feel like doing. She is quick to respond, "No, I WILL NOT!" Or "well, then...DON'T TALK TO ME!" Of course, I am always dumbfounded as to how to react when she speaks like that. I understand she is just trying to express her frustration (as probably learned by watching me) so I can't very well reprimand her. Or can I? Not sure. I guess I could respond by gently saying, "That is not very kind. What is it that you are really trying to say here?" Oh, yes! That would be nice response. Rather than what I've done before which is to not respond at all. And by "at all", I mean, I don't speak to her. Just like she's asked and when she is hollering at the top of her lungs for me to answer her when she is talking to me, I politely respond, "You said, 'Don't talk to me' so that is what I am doing." I can be so childish at times. Sorry, my mind works in that childish fashion, unfortunately...so that is what D gets as opposed to the more mature response that I just worked out above when I wrote it. Oh well. I'm sure there will be a next time when I can respond appropriately.